Well....this might be long.
Yes, I have a trainer, and yes, he's helped a lot. I can barely afford him, but I choose to put money toward him because it's what's worked for me. When I hired him, I had a decent enough job, so I could put a couple grand out and do it. That job disappeared and I was in financial hardship as I was unemployed, but I'd already paid for him, so I kept going. The sessions I bought run out in 3 weeks. I have decided to find the money, whether it means work extra or limit other things at home. Basically, my entire tax return will pay for more sessions. I hired him because I was seriously (and foolishly, IMO) considering VSG and if I was willing to go out of pocket on healthcare costs, I first had to put that money towards the one thing I had never done--joined a gym and hired a trainer. He was my last hope, and he knew it. God blessed me with him.
I've thought a lot about, could I do this on my own. And I admit a weakness there. I will tell you, I've learned the value of a trainer, it's not about kicking your ass (mine has a sweet temperment), it's about helping you progress each step of the way--that's what's so invaluable. I admit, without him, I'd have a hard time knowing what to do, when and how to change the program (which he does daily), and I wouldn't have the encouragement of a) a good friend and b) someone who has been there, done that (he lost 180 lbs 5 years ago).
So yes, I have him. But you can do many of the same things by going to a gym and taking classes and reasearching what to do.
He's not the reason I'm in the gym 6 days a week, nah ahhh. He's just one of the tools I employ. I am the reason I am there, working out, taking classes, etc. I am the reason I push.
My motivation is simple. Someone on the VSG board once wrote--"I spent the first 40 years of my life fat, I want to spend the next 40 thin". Well, I was 37 and I wanted that. I also want to find love, marry, and have children (God willing!). My motivation is very strong for all those reasons.
I just don't think yours is yet. Sure you want it a lot, I know that, but not enough that you're going forward 110%, not from what I read. I'm sorry that that line will sting and you'll probably be mad at me and write pfft, but it is what I see. You want someone kicking your ass? Here I am. I'm offering a hand to help you up and to open your eyes just as someone did for me. Be mad at me, but you might soon realize I'm at least a little right. No, I don't know you, but I am reacting to what I see in your posts. Frankly, anytime I read someone dismiss my program (whether it's about the time I put to it or my eating habits), I realize they're stuck in a rut I was in. I was where you are and I hope you will soon be where I am. I'll do what I can to help you, whether you like me or hate me for it.
I still see excuses. I don't discard the hardship of working 2 jobs. My schedule is hard as well. Due to the economy, I am having to drive far for work and 16 hours of my day is schedule. I work every client I get, my mainstay and others. Some days that means I'm up at 3am to do the work; I'm currently getting up at 4, just so I can get to the gym. You find a way when you want it. BUHLEEVE me, I understand financial pressures and time pressures. I'm majorily under that gun. I have a pet too and won't let him starve, of course. I just take every bit of work I can to pay for my needs--and the trainer and gym is a need for me to be healthy. Maybe change the gym so classes don't cost (I don't understand that, most gyms here classes are free to members). Take a boot camp (it'll kick your ass and be like a training session). Take a weights class. Workout 6 days a week. And stop starving yourself! You haven't been listening to my posts, to the real point of them, if you think that's what you must do. You haven't realized it's part of what's causing your problem.
As for love and children, well true, strong love has been elusive. I'm a pretty woman, so it's not my looks, but it was because of how the world views obesity. I was tired of getting less than I deserved. If I take the best care of me, I believe I'll find someone who will do the same. Scoff at my posts all you want. It's only harming yourself.
No change of gym because my mom pays the membership its a family one. So luckily I dont have to pay for the membership.
And my gym doesnt open until 6am...i wouldnt have enough time in the morning...and usually by the time I'm done working...the gym is closed....so is that an excuse too? Nope! I dont even get a chance to go. I might beable to pull off like 2 days a week but thats all. And currently I am not starving i was saying the past....Right now I am living off of the food I currently have left...which is crap food.
"Scoffing" at your posts....is not harming me at all. I feel no pain at all. I'm actually pretty damn healthy right now, blood pressure is perfecto, I just need to lose to feel well better....get back to my rockin hott self. :) Which will happen in due time, because I will never see 276 again. And I know if I try REALLY hard I can lose 20 pounds in one month...with out a trainer. I just gotta do it...or get some money to buy me some fruit and veggies...
Hey Christa,
Like you, I've been more or less just lurking lately. Also like you, I've fallen off the wagon. It's not easy I agree. This is one of the hardest things to do. All I can say is, keep getting back up, dusting yourself off, and try a new plan of attack. Last night was bad for me...binged on cookies, crackers and cheese, and then had a full meal. My stomach hurt sooooooooooooo much. Why is it we fall do you suppose? Hmmm, guess I don't need to look into that too much. So I took my own advice and dusted myself off this morning and am trying a new plan of attack. We'll see if it's successful.
It sounds like your ex is a truly special man. It takes one of those to love us thin, fat, cranky, and happy. They are a rare find. I still pinch myself (figuratively, of course) that I found the love of my life while being so heavy. Heck, just last May I was at my all-time highest weight of 376...YIKES!!! And you know what, he still said I was cute and beautiful. Now that's the kind of partner a woman needs. Someone who will love us no matter what and still see our beauty. I bet your ex sees the beauty in you, even if you can't at your present weight. We women can be so hard on ourselves. You deserve love and happiness, I hope it works out with this guy for you cause he sounds like a truely wonderful guy. As for looking into WLS, you do what's right for you. For me, yup I'm getting it. At 36 (approaching 37 fast) and at only 5' 1", I'm running out of time. Time to get healthy before this obesity affects my health worse than it already has. So on January 16th I'll be getting my VSG and I'm proud I've made this decision. I've done the research and think this is best for me. That's all you can do Christa. Just look at everything and do what's best for you and your life. I would like to suggest you look on the Michigan forum and ask about your new insurance. I think BCBS, if you don't have an exclusion, has a standard policy that you must be in a weight loss program for 6 months or even 1 year before they will approve you. So visiting your dr. now is a good idea to get a start on that part of the criteria. Now as to finances, oh I hear you there. Money is tight with the economy in Michigan in the dumper. Your ex is sweet to offer to loan you some money. But you know what? I bet your parent's would love for you to give them the gift of TIME. Write a nice Xmas card and say you'll give them so much time to help them with whatever they want, or you'll chauffer your mom around for a fun shopping day, etc. I did they for my mom one year and she loved it. Also, and this isn't too expensive, find a funny pic you love of yourself (and even possibly one with your parents in it), get it enlarged and get a frame. Parents love that kind of gift. It shows them you care. Sorry this has gotten so long. If you got through it, hopefully it helped. All the best, Melinda
