I think my dh feels "threatened"?

I don't know...  but he has said several times things like: "You're just going to get skinny and leave me" Isn't that weird/crazy!?  He could do the same thing but REFUSES! He could work WITH me and I'd help him- we could help each other... he could stand to loose probably 35 pounds but he's not interested AT ALL. Today he also seemed to be sabotaging my diet. He bought a bunch of chocolate Boy Scout pop corn... and PURPOSELY left it setting on the counter. I even ASKED him to NOT leave it there- 1., because our 6 y/o does NOT need the sugar in her face all day! 2., because I don't need the temptation in MY face all day!  And I DID sneak some :(  I'm mad as heck at ME for caving!  I'm sure I'll NOT be 196 on WI tomorrow and it's my own damn fault :( I'm hoping that all the work I did today- will have helped burn off SOME calories! I scrubbed and cleaned- bent up and down- ran up and down stairs etc. Cleaned carpets- climbed up on chairs... all kinds of stuff!  MAYBE I won't have GAINED anyway? Anyhow- I'm not liking this "martyr" stuff. It's a bit annoying.  He's an adult- a big man to boot... and he has always been able to do what he wants. When I am finally feeling like I am doing something I want... why does he have to bellyache like I'm doing it to go AGAINST HIM?  It's NOT ABOUT HIM... it's about ME.... for once.  This is about ME. Anyone else have this crud at your house?  I bet I get this now like once a day- or every other day. And it's getting really old :(  Off to the shower & bed... it's going on 11:30 and I'm going to be dead on my feet tomorrow :(  

Oh, yes, it goes on in a lot of households! My dh did the same exact thing to me.  And he said the same exact thing to me, also. I think they do it to make themselves feel better.  They are fat and misery loves company, so they want us to remain fat also. I finally got him to stop trying to sabbatoge me when he knew I meant business and that he wasn't going to stop me this time.  Keep refusing his temptations and he'll know you mean business, too. Good luck.  I know how hard this can be. Bren

Hey CM, Oh I understand what you mean by your loved one trying to sabotage you.  My DB does that every once in awhile.  I will say it helps me when I explain that I can't have certain items in the house and if he brings them in and they are out in the open I will throw them away.  Luckily he hasn't done it too much lately, though he did buy me Dove chocolate yesterday.  I'm very proud to say I put it in the freezer before he could put them away so now I can "pretend" they aren't there.  Since I rarely get in the freezer during the week, they should be safe. My DB doesn't comment about me leaving him yet, though I've got lots to lose.  They can get quite insecure.  You might want to ask him if he couldn't have a certain food in the house and you brought it in and kept it in plain sight trying to sabotage him, how would he feel.  He might be surprised that what he's doing is so hurtful to you. As for your little slip, just shake it off and move on.  Today is a new day and you can reach your goal.  And if your DH brings more treats in the house that you've asked him not to, throw them away.  He'll get the hint sooner or later. Melinda

I don't know, maybe I look at things a little differently.  When I first read your posts all I thought was is "aww how sweet, he really loves you".  I'm sure its as aggrevating as all hell, but I really do believe he means well.  Maybe deep down he really is threatened by this.  I think my dh will end up doing the same thing.  Heck, mine does it even when I put on make up for the day!ha Or maybe he's even jealous a bit because he's not "all that" anymore and your starting to be!  So of course, he's feeling threatened.  I think it's sweet.  He loves you!

Maybe you two need to go out to dinner or do something together ALONE where you can sit and talk so you can explain things to him better.  To let him know he's still the one and only.  I mean, adults have weak insecure moments too when it comes down too it.  YOU are his weakness, and this new you that he never mentions (this is the ironic part)  must be getting to him more than you realize.

My two cents..

Thanks guys... it's just a bit weird and I don't like the "bah-humbug" tone to  his voice as he does this. I like him to be my ROCK. KWIM? Holly- that IS a different perspective and TODAY... almost as if he READ my post :)  He said "Maybe I should go on that with you"  SOOOOOOO...... we'll SEE if he really does- but that would be GREAT for ALL of us!   He really IS a sweet guy- I love him to bits- we've been together for lets see.... almost 27 years! (married almost 23) How can it be?! TIME... it has a way of getting away from us doesn't it?!   Thanks again! I was pretty flustered last night!

Woohoo, that sounds great.   See, he's noticing you! :)

Ha! let him think about it....just a little. Spouses need to self-examine once in a while and make sure s/he is staying in the game.

I would let him know that he can stay in the game by keeping the negative things out and show support (like not leaving crap out where you are tempted) You used good words, tell him this is about you and not to turn the tables. That is not fair. I would also show him & tell him how much he means to you - often! All of us need to remember to verbalize it more often. Change is hard - on all of you - but this change has far more positives in the outcome.  And...this is just me, i would be G-DAMNED if I would fall for his tempting tactics. This would become a matter of principle to NOT TOUCH IT. Or, you can consider telling him when you see it out, it goes into the trash, then do it.