Hey HollyRachel!

Just wanted to tell you I am sorry your dh has been smoking behind your back :(  Is it any wonder some of us have a hard time BELIEVING in them? Arrggg! My dh had quit over 10 years ago- then he went to chewing- which I hated equally as bad! Last Jan 1, he made this big deal- he was quiting the chew. YEA!  Then this summer I started smelling SMOKE on his breath. He lied and said he was around the guys at work and he must just smell like that because of THEIR smoking..... NOT. Don't play ME for stupid!  They can be such idiots sometimes- with each lie like THAT- comes doubt in all the other areas.  He finally fessed up- once I told him I was NOT ignorant and that I felt HE was- for putting that crap into his lungs!  If I could still smell SMOKE on his breath at least 5 HOURS after he smoked his last cig.... what does he think it's doing to the inside of his lungs!  I also watched my dad die of smoking related emphasemia, and my aunt & mom of cancer :(  Anyhow- I just wanted to tell you that you are NOT alone. (((((hugs)))))

Yea I can totally relate with you.  My aunt had emphasemia, and one grandma died of lung cancer, and the other to jaw cancer from chewing.  I also smoked for years, quit when my third child was born ten years ago.  I don't consider myself one of those bad annoying ex smokers, but when I get lied too..come on!  I had to smirk when I just read your message.  Dh also said it was from co workers, or when he went to school, his other friends smoked.    I always smell it on him.  I also said Im no dummy etc.

I'm all for one can only quit if he wants too and his heart is in it...just like food!  But, lying behind ones back is another thing.  I have never in my life heard him say  he can't quit or he doesn't want too.

On the other note, he just added to my point that I can't trust..(why I didn't want to go there).  Just like my ex, he made me look like a fool in front of every one that I didn't know he smoked.grrrrr

Thanks for the hugs, cause I just wanna (((((smack))))) him. hehe

Yeah, gotta jump bad about the lying, fer real.  I feel you after living with a bigass liar myself for way too long.  I am sure that your deep seated emotion will convey how that made you feel. I know I cannot tolerate a liar anymore. I cut a "friend" loose for it not long ago. No more for me, either.

However, on his addiction, try to give him some slack and also let him know that because he lied about it, that is one more point that proves he is addicted.  O, i remember feeling that way about cigs.... I know when I "quit" smoking, for about 4 years, i started smoking other people's (OP) - it took that long before i really quit - OP's, everything. You play games about it, just like with losing weight. I actually believed that because I was not buying them, that counted. Exactly like food, you have to be honest with yourself and others, but unlike food, in relative terms, quitting smoking is WAAAAY easier - you actually get to quit doing it. Can't exactly quit eating, now can ya?

Ha, my mom just said the same thing you did when I told her.  She lectured on me to cut him some slack because he evidently is trying and not smoking at home.  She also thinks he is the most sweetest guy alive and hates it when I'm "mean" to him.

Call me a hard ass, but I'm not gonna.  I have asked him numerous, I mean NUMEROUS, times if he has smoked.  He has had soo many chances on telling me he can't quit, or even if he perfers not too.  He has ONLY stated he smokes like once a month and that is it. 

This morning he mentioned something about it.  I looked at him and told him "it's still coming, I haven't forgot.  I just haven't said anything yet cause I'll probably blow".  So ..tonight it will be it I'm sure..lol, I'll blow.  Nah, think I've mellowed out a little.  But it just really irritates me that he is all about "trust" and I've got to learn how to trust again, etc., and he does this.  Just doesn't make sense to me.  I know I might sound hard or mean to some people, but I m just tired of playing that game.  I'm honest, and I believe in a two way marraige, not just one.  Or am I just a hard ass and expect too much from people?

no way, give him holy hell for lying to you...and for embarrassing you in front of work friends. Dude, that was so whack.

But ponder for a moment and I am NOT trying to make excuses for a liar here - why did he keep this from you? If you do bug him, okay nag him, stop it. Tell him you will not ask him again about it, and he is not to misrepresent himself to you in any area. This is his path to walk, and all you can do is let him know that you value him and want him around for many years - well, not all beat up frm a stroke or heart attack or emphesema (sic).

How would you like it if he asked you, "what did you eat today - did you stay on plan? or should you be eating THAT?" I mean, being fat is a health issue, too, so what is the difference? Just sayin', be mindful of what you may be dishing. No, he needs to be read the riot act over the lies. He needs to stand up and admit what he does.