Mourning for...

I don't know if I should really have the luxury of posting this sort of crap before I've proven myself the way our success stories have. But here it goes, I've been thinking. Does anyone else here, who has spent most of their life fat, mourn the fact that they will never be able to see/meet the person they would have been had they not wasted so much time on food? In my case it was a lot of time wasted just STUFFING myself...totally gross. It's weird because it's not that I think I will totally hate my body WHEN I get it down to a normal weight. Stretch marks? Whatever, don't care. Boobs? They can't get much worse than they are now. Boobs only decent with a lift? Great, no big deal. But I still think it's sad that I will never quite see what I was SUPPOSED to be like before I decided that food would make me happy...which...drum roll please, IT DIDN'T! Does that make sense?

You know what? I have thought of that as well! I completely understand what you are saying!  I have wondered that myself. WHAT would I have been like? How different would my personality be? Would my self esteem be greater? Would I feel FREE in what I wear. One thing I have often wondered- is like seeing a woman (even my grown dd)  in a swim suit on a beach- or even a tank & shorts.... they (for the most part) are cool, comfortable and confident. I have *never* wore a swimsuit (since I was 11) I don;t wear shorts... I don't dress up (well- I do NOW:)  But it just seems as though life would feel so much more FREE. Less bulk- less of a LOT of things. And MORE confidence etc. I wonder WHERE that confidence would have taken me. BUT... I only visit those thoughts lightly- and not often. Because I have the FUTURE to embrace! GREAT question :)

I TOTALLY know what you are saying and understand it so much! By the time i get down to the goal weight if anything hello plastics can do wonders and fix things I dont personally like but eh. What I could have been oh I cry over it all the time I know its in the past and what not but seriously. If I would have taken care of myself back in high school...right this moment I would  I KNOW I would be at a Division 1 University playing softball as the starting pitcher I would be in my final year of College. I would have a totally different life! Maybe not even living in Michigan! Everything would be different. I always think about it so I know what you mean! :)

You may not be able to change the past, but you can change the future so that you do enjoy life to the fullest.  Even if you can't change everything, there are definitely some things you can.  By getting your weight under control, you will still lead a more joyful and satisfied existence. Christa you and Sonora are still young.  Don't wait till your in your 40's or 50's to make whatever changes that will make you be happy.  It will be something you will regret.  Trust me I know.  There were things I didn't feel comfortable with so I would just avoid it.  I should have done them anyway.  I also should have put more effort into controlling my eating and exercising whether I enjoyed it or not. I hate thinking about how many years I wasted being fat.  No use dwelling on what I can't change.  I will never have the body I truly want, but that's O.K.  I'll settle for one that is healthier, more energetic and just a happier me.  Both you ladies are young and attractive so don't underestimate yourself either. Brenda

 

I have lots of scars, emotional and physical.  They all contribute to the woman I am today, and I like me :)  So I embrace my scars as a part of me.  The saggy body and missed opportunities are just more on that same pile.  They will contribute to the woman I am when that time comes.  If I am happy with that woman then they will be worth it too. No time to focus on the missed opportunities - that keeps me from seeing the opportunity in front of me today.

Yes, I have spent a lot of time thinking about what could/would have been.  Unfortunately I am in my fifties now and many of the things I wanted to do are now impossible/improbable.  I feel as though I wasted my life too and sat on the sidelines of it only partially participating.  But you have to keep moving on I guess.

I like what Brenda said, she's got some good points.  I'm sure you've heard  the saying the longer you wait to lose weight the harder it gets.    You guys are at your prime, and I believe your body still can look great in those bikinis or great perky boobs your talking about.  The sooner you lose and get toned up, the longer you stay that way and excercise to keep yourself toned, the more opt you'll look "normal" like you think your missing. 

I've been over weight all my life.  My lowest was 190 whic omg I felt wondeful!  My attitude changed, I was funner, I was healthier, I had more energy, and I was able to buy all the clothes I wanted!  I was the biggest Victoria Secret fan at that time.  I just absolutely loved it!  Think that's what kills me most, now I got a taste of it so it really sucks. 

 Even though I had the most ugliest legs in the world.  Losing weight so fast I had massive hanging skin on my inner thighs.  I might add my legs are humongous, that's where I hold most of my weight.  But even with that, I was still proud and happy that I actually succeeded in losing all of that weight.  With the power of what your self esteem will be like will totally overcome your fear of what if's.  Does that make sense?

So like Brenda said, look towards the future and stop looking back.  Because you will be happy and blessed with a whole new you once you conquer your goal.

I can totally relate to what you're saying.  When I was around 35, I went to Overeaters Anonymous and went on a diet and lost 70 pounds.  I was a size 8, and I still wasn't satisfied with my body, because I wasn't like I was at size 6 in my early twenties.  I spent the next two years gaining, then dieting back down, all the time being paranoid of gaining it all back.  Well, I did that, finally, and much more.  I was what you would call thin-unhappy instead of fat-unhappy.  Being thin did not make me happy.  Oh, I felt better physically.  But I was still in the middle of a rotten marriage and an unsatisfying career at the time.  I beat myself up for years over gaining it all back and more, until I realized that the reason I did was because I left OA after two years.  How was I supposed to keep the disease of compulsive overeating at bay if I stopped attending meetings and working my program?  I couldn't. Denise Phares

Wow, this is such an interesting topic to me.   When I was in high school and college, I thought I was fat (160 lbs.).  Now that I'm 55 yrs old, I wish I was that fat again.  I'm now 230. 

It all started after I got married.  Marriage is hell on your weight.  You have to cook for the family and you usually don't make time to exercise.   So, while you are young and single (if you are), please work on your health and weight.  And after you're married, don't give it up.  It's so easy to gain (as we all know quite well).  Take care of yourself and your husband (mine also got fat).  Keep active so that you can be the best that you can! My advice for the day!      Best of luck. Bren

I know how you feel. I've thought about that often and it makes me really sad. When I was in High School and lost a lot of weight, I noticed I was getting a lot more attention from everyone. Now that I'm large again, I've gone back into the shadows. I often wonder if I'd be far more outgoing if I wasn't as large as I am. I know my self esteem would be higher because at least I wouldn't have had to deal with all the comments and nicknames.