Looking for a Doctor in MO

Well finally with enough work and pokes and whining to my husband I get to see a doctor. I am hoping to see a specialist in Morbid Obesity because that is what I am. With a recommendation from a good doctor I think I have a good shot at getting into Brookhaven obesity clinic. They can take there pick of my medical reasons and most likely even find new ones that I hope will be able to be fixed. Any-who just wondering if anyone around knows a good doctor in St Louis Mo area? Am looking threw the net to find one but recondition from you good folks would for sure point out the doctor knows what he/she is doing and that they are good at there job.

 

A coupla things - first off Hi - I am Elizabeth or Viola, whichever you prefer.    Welcome to the board.  I understand from your earlier post that you have some serious head issues in addition to your weight and physical limitations.  I completley get that (more than you might realize at first) but I have to comment.... forgive me if I have misunderstood.....  but you have to ASK your husband if you can see a doctor? Can I suggest that in addition to seeing a MD you consider a good psycotherapist too?  If you dont get the head issues straight there is little chance that you will get the weight issues under control... Are you sure that a facility like brookhaven is right for you?  Have you given losing on your own a really serious try? (no - I dont assume the answer is yes... many of us make dozens of half assed attempts before we really decide to change our lives)  Many of the residents in brookhaven are making half attempts even within the facility....  How do you know you are ready?  What changes have you already made? These questions are not intended to be inflamitory, and I hope you dont take them that way.... they are however meant to challenge you to think....  and then act :)

Hi and thanks for the welcome. As your comment about my head issues …I have depression issues. Brookhaven is not just some place where fat people go to not get fat anymore. There is counseling and help for medical issues not just for being fat. A person can’t just get in because they are fat. To answer your question yes I did have to ask my husband if I could see a doctor. Am not in the best situation at the moment and this is another reason I want to go to Brookhaven. I have done the research and have been threw plenty of challenges thanks. I don’t need someone to test me.     

 

I'm going to jump out on a limb here (not safe for me...or the poor limb...hopefully it's a strong one, lol) and agree with Viola.  I know thats not what this is all about, but I do think she has made some excellent points. I understand that you're in a desperate situation, and so maybe in your case brookhaven (or its MO counterpart, if one exists) is seriously the only place for you to go.  However, for you to get healthy, it takes more than a clinic, which is what Viola was trying to say.   Personally, I know I went to bed every night for about 8 years with big plans to start a diet the next day.  that's almost a goddamn DECADE of my life that was wasted.  and I still obsess about food.  even now, this far down, and I do really dumb things like eat ice cream and tiaramisu and french fries for dinner (okay, so I did that today...there it is.  i'm studying and stress eating and there is still no excuse for it.  my head hangs in shame and i'm currently working through my sugar crash to learn about....ahhh!!! sugars!!  i'm in a biochem class, haha.  no joke, i just caught onto the irony of that this second). wow i'm rambling and i'm sorry.  back to what i was saying.  i agree with Viola about half assed attempts.  i dont think she was testing you, i think she was asking questions.  some of the same questions I am thinking you'll be asked before being admitted to a clinic, and some of the same questions you'll have to answer before you can get better.  you're going to get tested your whole life...you'll get tested at a clinic and you'll get tested by humans forever.  thats what its all about.   When I finally made the real decision to change, I made it very open.  I told everyone.  I wanted everyone to know that I was ready to stop the insanity and start living again.  I was and still am so happy for the ones who tested me, the ones who would keep me in check when I'd be spiraling downward and reaching for chips and beer (WHERE WERE THEY TONIGHT!?!?!  PROBABLY ALL OUT EATING CHIPS AND DRINKING BEER..HAHA).   Okay i'm going to jsut stop.  i'm usually..well i think i've never been so outspoken on these boards.  and i blame it all on sugar and stress.  so back to you, Dream Girl.  I do feel you need to get out of that situation you're in.  I do realize that sometimes you need to get away before you can get better.  I am hesitant to say good luck, since I always feel that's such a generic term. so instead i'll say get on out there and start kicking ass.  you can do this. 

I do not have control of my life where I am now. I do not get to pick the foods I am offered to eat and when even I can have a bath. I can ask for what foods I want and when I might like a bath but not always will I get what I want and even sometimes it will start a fight which then leaves me to be ignored for hours. Not that, that makes much difference as the only human physical touch I ever get is my 3 year old son cuddling with me. My husband can not stand to be in the same room with me. I have more talks with him over messenger then face to face when he is just in the other room and still those chats are fairly short. With not much control or outlet I have curbed my meals to only 3 a day and have tried to keep them at set times and been TRYING to keep myself from having seconds. I no longer drink sodas or have any sweets. If I feel the need for more food later at night I ask for ice to chew on. Food is a comfort thing for me and has been since I was a child. Another thing I have been doing to try and help myself is talking on message boards like these but it’s not easy. These are shameful secrets to me and when I do bring them up it makes me cry and feel awful about myself. I have yet to tell everything as it’s hard. Little by little push myself every day as I sit in my room on my broken bed and stay at the computer. I have been hidden away from the world and am working my best to try and get back into it but it’s not easy. Am trying to become a person again and like losing weight it takes time. Defending myself on matters is not something I have done in a long time. If someone asks me if I think I have earned the right to go to Brookhaven or even to get help you know what am going to say? No! Am not worth it am ugly am not smart someone else should get the chance if I was not so much a coward I should kill myself like everyone wants. These are true feelings I have because this is what I have been told or has been implied on me over and over again. You know its like when people keep telling you ew you look awful in that shirt and people keep telling you this every time you wear and its not just people you don’t know its people you depend on that you care about that you love. There is going to come a point where wearing that shirt is not something you look forward to anymore even if you like cause you know what’s going to happen. It takes the joy out of it. Right now I really don’t need anymore challenges. I am already pushing myself a lot and being where I am its highly stressful. I would welcome challenges when am some place else but right now it’s too much on me. For now I just need support and encouragement to keep me going. One last thing I would like to add just to prove I am trying for a better life. I have been cigarette free for 6 months now cold turkey unless you count the random lolly pop here and now for the first two months to help me. I would have more months on my belt but my husband kept buying them for me and I didn’t have the will to turn them down when it was at my reach just there on the table waiting. I just don’t want to be thought of as an awful person who is in the way anymore. Am not even sure if I tackled right stuff for this to be a reply but with the stuff that has gone on tonight this is the best I can do. Maybe I will write about some of the things am going threw tonight in my next blog or maybe not, am not a strong person.  

 

Perhaps it is time to set yourself free.  Have you considered contacting women's shelters to ask for help?  If your husband is exercising so much control that you cannot take a bath when you want then it is abusive.  You cannot leave your son there.  You cannot stay there yourself.   Consider finding a way to get out with your son.  Once you are out you will likely qualify for all sorts of public assistance, you can get help with your head issues (depression) and with your physical issues.  You can get help with housing and with physical assistance (bath aids or chore service). You have options.  I *know* that when you are severely depressed it seems impossible.  My son was 3 when I left my prison behind.  I know more about you and your situation than you think.

I lived with my parents for a year.  I was unable to care for myself or my son AT ALL for at least 6 months.  At 30 years old my mother woke me in the morning, she laid out my clothes.  She made sure I ate breakfast, brushed my teeth and combed my hair.  Then she made sure that I dressed my son, fed him, brushed his teeth and combed HIS hair.  Then she took him to daycare and me to work.  I worked as a telemarketer - it sucked but didnt require me to think or be seen.  She picked me up after work and took me home.  My dad made dinner.  They reminded me to bathe my son, to read to him, to kiss him goodnight.  I was incapable of taking care of myself or him. I got help.  I had head issues.  bigtime depression and head issues.  I took LOTS of meds and did LOTS of time on 'the couch'.  It helped me go from victim to survivor. Today I am a sucessful businesswoman with a wonderful 13 year old son who I love with all my heart.  I am a whole person with flaws who is improving every day. The thing I am most thankful for is the people who believed in me enough to challenge me to make necessary changes.  That is why I feel a need to pay it forward.  I believe that YOU can make the changes that you need to make - but until you get the depression under control it will limit your ability to make other changes. my 2cents and then some.

What is "Brookhaven Obesity clinic"?  I thought that was basically a clinic working with a TV director/show?  If it's popular with the TV audience- I would think it would be next to impossible to get in there?   Are there not other clinics that are less "popular" with the public and yet GOOD in what they do?  Why does this particular clinic have to be the one?  Cause if it IS so hard to get into- it seems almost a way to set yourself up for failure. NOT saying you don't WANT help... or you aren't READY to work... but I would look at ALL options. It would just be to easy to get really down & out if you DON'T get into that clinic- and then just stay in your position for another year or more. KWIM???

I don’t think I will be posting on these boards anymore. I don’t think it’s the right place for me. Good luck to you all and have a good life.  

 

I am sorry to hear you feel that way.  I believe that the people here have a lot to offer you.  Maybe at another time.

 

 

When ''one'' is in the BOX, it is very difficult to look outside. Sometimes it is even harder to dreamof the unknown for all we know is now=how we feel. Have been in the box taken the steps to end my life a few times as I saw NO way of getting out. After so many years of abuse it is difficult to be ''self worthy. Even with education, family and freinds, nothing but feelings of failure, hate, sickness over whelmed me along with mobid obesity which brought on health issues contibutary. When one=me gets sick and damn tired or being sick and damn tired I took the first step, and listened. How hard and difficult is was for me to listen to anything other then me, my thoughts my feelings because ''I knew me better then anyone else''. I divorced the controlling husband after 20 some years of marriage, seeked counseling ( ok I still see a counselor and ''try'' to listen to him ) even after being divorced for now 10 yrs. Learned yes learned that I can do what I wanted to , be what I wanted to be. Example: took a motorcycle riding course (even at a mobid obesity rate) thru Harley passed got a license and a new motorcycle in 2004 afte being divorced for 6yrs and still ride. Now I cant say that I havent cried riding down the road scared to death but ya know what I did it and got over it. Dream girl let me tell you that I have not had suicide thoughts or anthing in many years and no it is not easy such as life. Depression uh huh on a daily basis as I sit here working with sick people in my employment as a Healthcare Professional but only i can help ME. Yes I can help the sick patients that I tend to but me personally I can help me. WLS is a tool and it doesnt fix your head. Been there and done that . Know that you are worthy and you deserve to be healthy................................