My Father...just venting!!

 So my father comes down like he does every other weekend (uninvited i might add) and says to me " You still on your diet?" I said yes. He replies "must be coming off really slow, how much have you lost?" I said almost 85. So he says "cant tell". I should have said you're a jerk, but i just sat there wanting to cry/tell him off.   Mind you this is the man that told me when i was 12 ( i remember perfectly, we were in the car on HWY 101 going to my moms house) ..."You really need to get the weight off if you want someone to love you, cause men dont like the extra weight"... Why cant i just get a back bone and tell peeps off? Family included.  KK, i feel better, sorta :(

you can pick your nose, but not your family.  I'd ignore him entirely. Steer clear of poison people. Send him a birthday card once a year.  Maybe when he decides to bother asking why you don't come around tell him you are being more careful to be with peeps that support you.

That was down right MEAN!  I don;t care... father or not... it was MEAN :( Good heavens! Would he talk to his FRIEND like that? Would he treat his neighbor or friend with that type of remarks?  Good grief!    People need to stop and THINK about how they treat people... to many treat their friends better than their own children :(  No offense to your dad but I call people that talk like that "Socially retarded".  Even if he DID feel as he said... it is just plain not nice to say something like that :( I am proud of you for that HUGE weight loss and I don't even KNOW you!!!  (((((hugs)))))

I know he is your father, but he obviously wants to take out vengence on you -- maybe cuz of your mother, who knows?  If he is overweight, he may be jealous of your weight loss.  Believe me, he's got a reason for being so cruel to you, and it's NOT because of YOU...it's HIS problem. Please try to blow it off.  Don't let it affect your continued progress. You are a better person than him for venting your rage onto him.  Remember that. Post your rage to us any time you want or need to.  We're here for you. Keep your chin up.  He's the one with the problem, not you! You are loved. Bren

Congrats !!!  on that 85 pounds that is so wonderful, that is a big LOSS, Nice going. Delilah

Are we related? I think at least in spirit!

For years... everytime my dad saw me he'd comment something along the lines of "Have you lost weight?" (which I hadn't and wasn't even trying to lose weight at that time).

Finally one day I snapped, I said to my father "By the way, do not to mention my weight again".

You know what? he didn't- not until I lost weight.

About being loved: that was a horrible comment he made, and it's wrong. Let me assure you- I was MO when my hubby asked me to marry him.  Genuine guys don't think that way.  A guy who thinks that a woman is the sum of her figure is a waste of oxygen.

Em

One time years ago when my sister visited from out of state she made a comment to me about how much weight I had lost.  On other visits she would also mention when I had gained.  Every visit it seemed like there was some comment made about my  weight.  She is an overweight person herself.  I really didn't see her that often so we weren't really that close.  I don't bring up peoples weight unless it's a compliment.  I don't even do that if it's in front of a lot of people in case it makes them feel uncomfortable.   On this particular visit she really didn't compliment me, she just said that I had lost a lot of weight and wanted to know what I had done with my clothes.  Bear in mind she wasn't asking me because she wasn't interested in them.  She asked me this in front of a lot of relatives.  I didn't want to act like it bothered me, so I just said I kept them and left it at that.  She should have just said, you look good you've lost a lot of weight.  Hell with clothes.  On her next visit she wanted me to come to my mothers and visit her.  I told her I was tired of her comments about my weight and wasn't coming.  I did end up visiting her and that was probably 15 years ago.  She has never made a comment sense.  Sometimes you just have to set people straight!  I learned a long time ago not to put up with anyones rudeness.   If they don't realize they're being rude, I am more than happy to bring it to their attention.   If my father or mother ever made a comment to me like that, I would definitely let them know I was pissed.  Respect is a two way street, even if they are your parents. Brenda  

Sounds like my Daddy.  I love him, but when it comes to the subject of weight, he's an asshole.

I empathize with you...been there, done that.  My dad was emotionally abusive, not only to my mom, but us kids as well.  It's amazing how they try to do this even when we get older.  I never really called him on it until he truly crossed this invisible line.  It was when he made a snide comment about me having a piece of cake for desert with his girlfriend being there (a total witch, btw) and then proceeded to run down the memory of my mom.  Yup, he wasn't happy with just trying to put me "back in my place," he also had to say some pretty nasty things with my mom.  When I left I asked him to walk out with me alone.  Then I proceeded to say, if you can't say anything nice about my mom, don't mention her.  I won't let you speak such horrible things about her, she was a good wife, mom, and christian until the day she died.  I then told him I didn't appreciate him running me down and trying to make me feel horrible about myself.  I told him if he did that again, then he really wouldn't be seeing me. We don't need to be around people who are toxic and try to bring our self-esteem down.  You will find a way to talk to him when you're ready.  Just remember, you don't deserve to have anyone put you down. All the best, Melinda 

It is hard when we love people who don't always deserve it. Your dad's comments were insensitive and cruel.  Personally I think that you should try and find a way to say that to him.... But I am a fine one to talk.  I am just dying to have my mother notice that I have lost some weight and to let me sit on one of her good dining room chairs instead of the ugly steel frame one she gets out just for me:(