no sugery pls

hi everyone I am new here I dont want surgery but due to the way I eat (emotionally) I never seem to get to grips with losing weight through diet and exercise I am really struggling to see a way forward and all I seem to be dealing with is stress, death, cancer (sister) and more death so seems to be non ending stress which makes eating healthy and normal so hard I know I have an eating disorder but not been diagnosed officially by a dr help pls thanks God bless you Love and hugs Vicky

Sounds like me.  It's all emotional for me.. any emotion makes me want to eat.  If I'm happy, let's celebrate by going out to eat. If I'm sad, lets get chocolate and sweets. If I'm bored, lets eat everything. If I'm mad, let's binge because I hate myself for being mad. One thing I've been thinking about doing that I have yet to do is go see a psychiatrist or psychologist.. someone who can help me to learn why I do what I do.  perhaps that's an avenue you should seek prior to seeking WLS.  Afterall, WLS only forces you to diet for so long..then you can eat your way back into obesity.

If anyone is interested in some type of therapy I would highly recommend it.  I realize it's not for everyone, but the way I look at it is that it never hurts to check it out.  You really have to go into it with an open mind and know that what you see as "your problems" may be symptoms of something else.  I always used to joke about this one time that I brought a spelling test home and my mom said, "That's great!  You only got 2 wrong.".  It still seems funny to me that I carry that around with me to this day but I've spent my whole life finding my screw ups and trying to be perfect rather than focus on what I have done right.  I got an A on that spelling test and I still remember that I got 2 wrong!  It seems like such a little thing but I've spent most of my life trying to make others happy, take care of others, etc. and tried to be perfect to the point of making myself physically ill.  If someone had asked me what would make me happy I wouldn't know what to tell them.  I think I've made a lot of progress since then though. I have been in and out of the "therapy" for years, mostly with psychologists.  It was a usually a half hearted attempt, I would start to feel better and stop going.  The last time I went was about 2004 and I initially went for anxiety primarily but also talked about depression which I thought was about my weight.  I never wanted to take medication for my "issues" (I have OCD, anxiety/panic, depression).  My dad was in a plane crash several years ago and ended up going on meds for PTSD and I saw what it did to him.  Anyway, I committed to stick with it and stayed until she and I thought I was ready to move on.  I didn't deal with everything in my life but I really got a lot from it and still use a lot of the techniques to this day.  I actually think that what I learned from that time is what is helping me now.  I knew my problems weren't really about food, I just don't think that I was ready to really deal with them the way I needed to in order to get past my relationship with food.  I do realize that it is going to be a lifelong struggle b/c we have to deal with food everyday, but I think I manage it much better than I have in the past and hope to continue this way.  It doesn't mean I don't still have a tough day or week here and there, but I make myself remember that it is temporary and I can get through it and stay (or get back) on track. WLS is a great tool, but it will not fix your head.

Without going into detail, what was wrong with your head?  Were you able to link certain things that happened in your life with your food addiction?? For me, I feel like there is one single, defining answer as to why I overeat. Or maybe even a group of things. If I can figure out what that is and fix it then my food problem will be fixed. At least in theory.  If it's not that way then why waste time with a doctor?  Perhaps it's the group of mental problems, along with learned habit and now an addiction problem..  which would mean the doctor is worthwhile because it is one piece to the puzzle.  BAH! lol so frustrating!  Where's my miracle pill!

My addictions have been symptoms of the other things wrong in my life.  I feed my emotions to make myself feel better, less panicked.  Over the years I had problems with over indulgence on many levels.  I throw myself into things, all or nothing, extremist behavior about all kinds of things.  I just get obsessed.  I tend to be fearful of starting things knowing I may not finish them.  This type of thing can consume one's life which is what happened to me.  When it got to a point where obsessions didn't work my panic got worse.  When I finally tried to cut back on work b/c I met the person who is now my husband I got a call one night after work.  I left at about 9:30 pm and got a call at 10pm that I needed to come back which was nothing new but I had a severe panic attack so bad that I was in the bathroom donating my dinner to the porcelain king.  I got it together enough to finish the work and get out by about 5 am but I knew I was going to have to start dealing with.  That's how I ended up in therapy for the last time. I actually didn't start to make the connection until after therapy even though she suggested that my weight issue was a symptom of the other things in my life.  It isn't really until you find the connection for yourself that you can really address it.  It's really hard for me to say something like I have OCD and panic disorder and that is what really caused my obesity b/c the answer isn't really as easy as that.  It is more that I've used food to avoid dealing with things in a very similar way that many people use alcohol-to numb emotional pain for instance.  I've dealt with the other "vices" like that so maybe it is easier for me to see.  Most things you can stop doing completely but you have to eat.  You can stop cutting, drinking alcohol, etc but you do have to deal with food in an intimate way every day.  That is why it infuriates me that the medical field does not take obesity seriously. The little things like the spelling test is just a little ping that I see as how I started to develop a self hating type of attitude towards myself where unless I did everything in my life perfect that I was worthless or not good enough.  This, for me, is probably where it started.  It isn't meant to blame anyone either, it is the way my brain works and the way I processed information that caused it.  I don't know how much sense any of this makes but it is one of those things that when you figure out what it is that's the problem you start seeing the whole thing unravel and more things start to make sense. Being aware of it is a big deal b/c that is where you start trying to figure out the root of the problem.  I always waited for the magic pill.  Some days I still wonder if there's a magic pill even though I know there isn't.  whaa whaa whaa no magic pill!

Everything you described sounds a whole heck of a lot like me. I've often thought I have OCD. I'm pretty convinced I don't have anxiety issues though.  I'm always calm and collected and don't really panic over anything. At least not that I can identify yet.  I do feel a sense of impending doom when I have things that need to be taken care of that seem immense to me. A big project at work for example.  I'll procrastinate because the task seems impossible. The procrastination in turn makes me feel rushed and I guess that's a form of panic. Everything has to be perfect. If there is a particular item I want I have to always have the best. I can't settle for anything less. It takes me weeks to purchase something because I have to weigh every option and get millions of price quotes before I make a decision. After I make that decision I usually end up feeling like I got ripped off, like I could have gotten a better deal elsewhere and it was my own stupidity for not doing enough research...or doing too much..  I suspect that's the extremist attitude huh?  I have learned that I am a quitter and like you stated I fear starting or committing to anything for fear that I will quit. I do not like feeling obligated because then I have to let people down.  Weird... I think it's time to see a therapist....

Just about everyone could use a visit or ten. Each of us posesses some weird-o stuff; the question is how to manage this, especially when it is destructive behavior. It's not okay to say, oh well, this is me when you shut people out of your life or don't think of them or yourself by choosing crazy extreme behavior all of the time. It's okay to say you can't do it by yourself.

This post is like looking in a mirror for me.  I often suffer buyer's remorse.  Whenever I get that feeling whether it be a purchase or a decision I now refer to it as buyer's remorse so my family knows what is wrong with me.  I get really crazy when I am buying a technology related gadget like monitor, computer, tv, camera, etc.  I have to go to all the review sites, check prices, etc.  I will put off a purchase until I feel that I've exhausted every single scenario.  I probably waste more time than I save. I didn't have major full out panic attacks until a few years ago.  I used to just get myself worked up to the point where I might sweat and feel sort of stressed out.  You'd know if you had panic attacks.  They do vary in severity from hyperventilating to feeling like a heart attack and I had increased over time so I've experienced most of the symptoms.  Since I went to therapy I have not had a severe one.  I will get a minor one where I start to hyperventilate but now I know how to deal with it a little better. Some of my OCD issues have actually dissipated in the last few months and I think that (for the most part) I'm dealing with stress better.  I'm most definitely a procrastinator and have been all my life.  I don't think that will change much but there are things in my life that I've never really dealt with that I'm forcing myself to now.  I would bet that your weight issues do have a lot to do with these other things.  It didn't seem related to me when I was going through even though my psych knew it was.  It took time.  The time isn't specific though, I think it was just that I was ready to see it.

Praise God I'm not alone in this world!!!  hahah! I want to see a doctor.  However, the task seems to large to achieve right now.  I don't know where to begin. Then there's the whole (now realized) anxiety about choosing the best doctor. I have to have the best you know and I'll have to do a least 5 weeks of research on my doctor. :)  I have tons of fears about it but most of all I don't want to sit through useless consultations. I want to get to the meat right away and don't want to waste time and MONEY while he/she asks me how I feel.  I don't feel everything... Where do I start.  Anyways, I have no clue what to expect so I shouldn't make any presumptions.  Regardless, it feels overwhelming to begin the search and I terribly hate to ask for time off of work even though I have it available to me.  Stupid huh?

hate to break it to you dear - but OCD is an anxiety disorder....just wanted to throw that in. i'm not even going to touch this thread cause you know i'll go off about psychological things that everyone here has already heard. of course i think that the majority of people who have anything to do with the OH website need therapy at one level or another...i just couldn't let that "i have OCD but no anxiety" comment pass me by.... that "sense of impending doom" = anxiety fear of failure = anxiety quitting = fear of success and expectations = anxiety

also anxiety is pretty much the fuel of procrastination and perfectionism.  actually anxiety is pretty much the fuel behind all our bad behaviors. : )