Starting...

It's never my intention to  **** you off, Christa-- I just would hate to see you hurt yourself unnecessarily or waste your time.  The struggle's hard enough without that. I know a lot of youg women in your position and I don't envy you--- it's a lot easier being where *I* am, curiously, because what *I* need to do is so abundantly clear. The hardest position to be in is one where you are feeling relatively healthy, you're young, and your habits are spiralling out of control. You just don't have the push or incentive to do what needs doing. The problem is, in many cases, you either control it now or develop life threatening illnesses later--- and that concept's probably too abstract for any person to fully wrap their head around. It's why so many of us have to hit rock bottom before we can do what we need to. If your only true concern is not looking like a certain type or wearing a certain size, I don't think that is (or even SHOULD be) motivation enough to make significant changes. If you have a true binge eating disorder, diet pills aren't going to be much of an answer.  If compulsivity is a serious issue, psychotropic drugs and somatic therapies can be very helpful. Check the Humana PPO site and see who's available in your area-- it's really worth your time, Christa. I'm not a good drill sargeant. I believe that people do best when they do for themselves, in their own time and in their own way-- I don't think any answers of any use can come from outside of you. All you can do is absorb everything you can and make choices that align with your own values-- anything else'd be inauthentic and probably a waste of time. "To thine own self be true. " Shakespeare

I know you never have any intentions of ******g me off. There's just at times you drive me up the wall at what you say...but i know that it is just you. So usually I just by pass it and move on.  Anyways, Therapy....I have nothing trust me nothing against anyone that goes to a therapist . But for me even if I have issues of my own....I just don't believe in it. SInce there is no rehab.....I'd rather some how conquer it by myself. I just have not found a way yet. I mean I have fixed a few things....I don't drink pop or as probably everyone here calls it "soda" I have only been drinking water and ALOT of it. The only time I drink pop is when Ih ave alcohol which I used to drink every weekend....now it has been cut down to like one day out of the month. I have started going back to the gym 5 days a week maybe 6 on a good week. Last night I didn't go....wish I would have I guess I couldn't get over myself and let my emotions come first! GAY!  To be smaller isn't ALL about vanity to me....I mean yea probably half of it is, because I know what I was like when I was at a certain weight and gosh dang it I am HOT! lol But also I look at the long road if I don't help myself....I know if Breast Cancer runs in the family....being heavy up's your risks.. I watched my mother go thru it...I don't want that. I watched her go thru many surgeries. Gall Bladder removal....hysterectomy.....The whole breast cancer thing.....pancreatitis....she has high blood pressure. I can't do that I dont want to do that! I want to beable to thru my life later on and live healthy instead of having all of that happen!  As for Shakespeare.....I understand the quote....but heck never understood anything but Romeo and Juliet while I was in school to tell ya the truth! lol I even sat there one night reading one book and was like WTF is this guy talking about! haha.. 

Let me see if I understand this correctly: You may have a psychological disorder, but would not get the help of a psychological specialist.

If you have a heart attack, you gonna do your own cardiothoracic surgery, too? You can spend your whole life trying to find a way, as you put it-- but if you haven't now, you might not ever without the proper tools in your box. If the only tool you own is a hammer, it ain't gonna help you if your life is full of screws, Christa. Don't be afraid of learning!!! There's no harm in having other people help you figure out ways to cope. You do it here, you do it with friends--so why not ask a professional?

Because this is free.... :) I might do my own cardiothoracic never know. lol. No Hell no.  I'm not afraid to learn I just don't like admitting my problems aloud.  I like it here....I can talk about my problems and get feedback on it. I don't want any drugs from some kind of shrink, I've actually been at a state of mind where I didn't binge for 2 months back before I even came to OH. I mean I know deep down I can get a hold on things...I'm probably not trying hard enough. I do believe it's mind of matter in some ways, in another way I believe i have a disorder that sometimes gets out of hand...but see the only time it gets out of hand is  a week and a half before TOM. Those other 3 weeks out of the month I'm pretty content I have self control over things i mgiht slip one day but not excessively like the one week out of every month. Like this is that week....yesterday....I wasn't as bad as usual because I just kept telling my self...it's your head  you're not really hungry....So I stopped myself....it hurt because I wanted more and it was like literally tearing my brain apart so I left and went tanning. Which then I was ok. So I don't know now i am rambling from one thing to another!

birdwalk on Billy Shakespeare...I highly recommend you take a class on Shakespeare...I was blessed to have an 8th grade teacher who adored his stuff and IMHO, unless you have background and history of the times about which he wrote, no way can most people get it. Then again, if you're not a language lover, maybe you will still think it's dumb.  Back to you.  i was thinking about you (and all bingers in the Universe).  What I came to was: You are trying to do too much at once. YOU need to focus on NOT BINGING....the weight loss will come later, but first things first. The way most people can NOT BINGE is to eat planned, balanced meals. Stop trying to make a South beach bar be your breakfast.  Okay, if you are like I am and not hungry at breakfast, okay, eat the damn thing but plan something mid-morning that is rather substantial, some baked chicken on one piece whole grain bread, whatever. Shoot, buy those rotisserie chickens at the store and pull some off and put it into snack bags and keep a loaf of whole grain bread in your work freezer...something.  Anyway, just realizing that you feel out of control with your eating in itself is a BIG STEP! Sharis right, check out a counselor or three...those guys are human, too, one may be crazier than you are, but keep trying, you will find one who speaks your language.  This is hard. Again, focus on eating fresh fruit, lean proteins, etc.  You go out a lot, and teach yourself to ask for steamed veggies or eat only 1/2 of your fires...something like that, but don't starve then beat yourself up when you snap. 

See when it comes to eating like every two hours or something like that I always feel like I am cheating myself. Stupid huh? I feel as if i am eating  WAY too much and I know that is not true. Usually when I go out to a sit down restaurant these days....I usually get something healthy...veggies and chicken and eat all my veggies and half the chicken. Unless it's a chinese buffet no power over that! Pfft. Which I am going out tonight not sure where...parents choice.  This is the plan step by step....Today tomorrow and Sunday...The goal is not to binge, eat like a normal person. Then when monday comes...tack on another 2 days....and so on. just take a couple days at a time to not binge. Not worry about diet food...just not binging. It probably will be hard, I have a lot to do tomorrow...maybe work a couple of hours...do LOTS of laundry...seriously clean my apartment it's awful. Then I was actually thinking about going to the Casino with a friend. :) So one day at a time...one day at a time.

It is one day at a time..sometimes it is 20 minutes at a time. If you can even stave off a binge for 20 minutes, you may have bought enuf time to talk yourself out of it.  Keep going, Girlie.

20 minutes at a time...talk myself out of it. Did you know it is extremely hard to talk yourself out of something! lol.

Rehab is a fancy version of therapy and, for the most part, is voluntary.  I had to go to a psychologist b/c my problems started to become worse but I would never push therapy on anyone, especially if they think it's a bunch of crap.  My husband doesn't believe in it either.  It's definitely not for everyone. A few of my friends have gone through rehab and, from my point of view, 75% (at least) is therapy and the rest is environment.  The environment consists of controlled settings and structure.  I know of one person who has gone to a clinical program for an overeating disorder and some of the things that they have you do are truly disgusting.  To be honest, I don't think I would make it through.  You can't quit it cold turkey like drugs or alcohol.  A great deal of the power you have over this issue is in the mind.  You've already started making changes and that's progress.  It's finding a way of getting back on the horse when you have relapse and giving yourself credit for the accomplishments you've made.  You are much stronger than I was back then and you have the will to make the changes.  I never would have given up pop.  Even now I have only been able to stick to a challenge of having one glass/day caffeine free diet (it's been a week so far).  You're working out 5-6x a week!  That alone reduces your risk of many health related problems.  0The chance of needing gall bladder removal is increased by rapid weight loss.  My cardiologist told me that it was more important for me to exercise than to lose weight several years ago when my blood pressure was borderline.

I bypassed binging at lunch today. So I made it thru lunch. Because usually I would stop at my parents house which is 2 seconds away from my work and on my way to town...stop...pee....weigh myself... let the dog out. BINGE. Because they have all this food! Well I was in my car thought about it and decided not to go into town and get something to eat because 1. I checked my account holy moly I need to stop eating out!... 2. I had left over salad and a couple breadsticks in the fridge at work.  So I went to my apartment where seriously I have no food only food for the cat...guess what i am not eating that. I decided to do my hair and make up since I woke up late this morning and didnt have time. And came back here at work..at the rest of my salad and the breadsticks..i know bread sticks are bad...but it wasnt like I was eating 5 of them or anything I am actually content and feel satisfied instead of so full I cant think.  So now I have to be ok at dinner which will probably be fine its after the fact when I am alone..... I will tan...then go to the gym....then come home and go to bed. Or watch a movie.