Opinions needed....kinda long
Hey Christa,
As many have said, there is nothing wrong with meeting someone online. Like Viola Mom, I did and we have been together for over 3 years, dating officially for almost 3. For me, I took my time and it worked out in the best possible way. I found a man who accepted me for who I am, weight and all.
This guy is definitely sending up quite a few HUGE red flags. You should definitely call or email him and break the date. You can gently turn him down by being honest and just saying you don't believe he's over his ex.
Be good to yourself and know you are a beautiful person inside and out. You know I never really looked at myself in the mirror until this last May. Sure I looked waist up, but never at my 376 (then) body. You know it took me really looking at myself to see that while I don't like all this weight, I am indeed beautiful. Before I guess I didn't really want to see and admit what I knew...I was horribly obese.
Melinda
I met my now husband online and I was not at my thinnest or my fattest. However, after we had been together I put on most of the weight I lost and then some. Some of the things I learned about internet dating, through trial and error, might help you.
-Men can be just as insecure and will lie just like women do. I tried to be honest about being overweight and I have showed up to a dinner date where the man said he had a few pounds to lose and he could not fit in a booth and barely fit in a chair. I felt guilty about that for a very long time but in the end I realized I was mostly upset b/c I was left unprepared to deal with a situation that was kept from me.
-Most men (unless in the fitness industry usually) don't really have a real concept of weight when it comes to women. My husband was buying me clothes that were XL or L when I was actually a 2X or 3X. It doesn't mean he doesn't have issues beyond that though.
-Some people are very comfortable online and share a lot more than they should. Sometimes feelings intensify quicker online and we build an image in our heads based on a photo and the online "personality". Almost everyone I have met online has been different than what I've created in my head.
I was a workaholic and couldn't really meet anyone socially b/c I was never going out so I knew that online would work better for me. When I got better about myself image (regardless of my size) is when I became more successful. I started to realize that not everyone was going to be interested in me in a romantic way but it didn't mean that I would not meet some interesting people and gain experience. I didn't have a lot of "dating" experience so I thought I needed to catch up. My online experiences got better once I started doing these things:
-If someone seemed interesting, I would try and meet them quicker so that I did not build up expectations or be let down if they were not interested in being my friend b/c they were too consumed with my body type.
-I met for "coffee" ( I don't drink coffee, but I'm sure you know what I mean) or lunch so that I had a limited amount of time. This works both ways b/c if there is potential it leaves the door open for a future opportunity and leaves less time for awkwardness. It's much easier to say it is really busy at work and I have to get back but it was really nice to get to meet you. Then you can let it marinade and go from there. Coffee worked best for me b/c it could be made quick.
-Try to look it more of gaining experience and meeting new people. It puts you in control. If you find Mr. Potentially Right that is great but you will learn a lot from the experience. Just make sure you are up front about what you are looking for. I always tried to impress upon the guys I met that I was interested in establishing a friendship first and foremost.
I am still friends with some of the guys I met online while looking and the funny thing is my husband found my online personal when I had given up and got ready to take it down. One of the guys came to my wedding.
You should make sure that you accept yourself for who you are. I don't like my body but I accept it and continue to work on it. I love myself for who I am and I am so much more than this shell. The practice of meeting people is a good thing as long as you do it safely. I never gave out my address and only used my cell phone number when communicating offline. Often I wouldn't even give out my cell phone number if something didn't seem right.
If you don't want to meet him then don't meet him. Make that decision for yourself, you're such a strong woman and need to trust your own instincts. You've been talking to this person and only you can know if you are just looking for a reason not to go or if there is a potential problem person on the other end, which there very well could be.
I know you will make the right decision for you. As long as you are honest and straightforward you have nothing to feel guilty about. You worry about you!
I'm glad that you've got a group of people here to vent to. It can be so hard to do this stuff.
Hey Chickita,
I say, don't date him. You don't need the anxiety of sitting through the date wondering what he thinks of you, when chances are, you're not going to date the schmuck anyway. Be honest with him and tell him that you're not into how he's obsessive with his ex and that really turns you off and that's why you don't want to date him. Make sure you don't blame it on your big girl issues. The internet is a great way to meet people and you can replace him in a day with some other guy. Good luck and let us know what you do!
Just curious, do you have any full length pictures on your myspace page that he can view?
Just don't back out of the date because your afraid of rejection. Make sure it's for the other reasons. I would be honest with him about why your not going. With his weighing 125 lbs. at his height he would have to have encountered the same issues you have with a weight problem.
Brenda
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