Opinions needed....kinda long

Ok, so most of you know I have a date this Saturday. Well I have been talking to this guy for a month now. Well the thing is we haven't met. Yes I did the whole online thing, which I find nothing wrong with it. Anyways, that is besides the point.  Over the weekend I have been really contemplating about this. Me being over weight and all ofcourse I have major insecurites like no other. Outside of this forum I never show that. I always walk around like hell yea I'm hot lol, but deep down I am feeling like man I am ugly....wait let me take that back....my body is ugly I am in lvoe with my face lol.  So, since I have been talking to this guy I remember telling him I was you know plus size a heavier girl....this is what he said to that. "My ex was 170 pounds and I didn't have a problem with it...your weight doesn't mean anything." OK did you catch that in there....."170" HELLO! If I was 170 pounds I would not be complaining right now and would probably have some stud of a boyfriend lmao. And also this weekend he was talking about his ex again might I add....about how she got onto birth control and just started gaining weight like crazy....he even talked to her about it...I'm like oh man this is not going to go over well if i meet this guy. He does deep down have issues with bigger girls. Plus I still think he has issues over his ex. Because seriously that's ALL he talks about. I am not down with a guy if all I have to listen to is about the ex....he has some major baggage. Usually I can read into people right off the bat....but it took me a bit to read this guy. It finally came to me this weekend.  He's kind of like my ex-boyfriend in an aspect. Because of how he reacted with his ex....clingy obsessive. I don't like men like that because they tend to be VERY emotional, and I have enough of my own emotions to deal with, I'm not saying emotional guys are bad just not the type for me. I like being the girl in the relationship lol.  Well, he's become attached to me....I am becoming un-attached to him...how do I let it go? I am so awful. For one....I do not want to go through a WHOLE date knowing or even contemplating that he is not attracted to me what so ever. Second.....I don't think I could handle this guy's emotions, I've already been through that. Now.....basically I am going to rip this kids heart out....omg help me.

well, first off, listen to your inner voice. Don't go.  Like you picked up on, he may be a controlling type.  i mean, wtf, blabbing on and on and on about his EX???? he's dropping you a message in a big way. and, btw, online is how people meet each other these days.  i don't care if you pick up a guy in church (think BTK killer?  hmmm???)  a girl MUST give a relationship lots of time, pick up on all these cues.  by themselves, they may not mean much. But a string of weird **** wow, dump that chump. I mean, if you two have kind of said, hey let's go check it out if we even like each other, no strings, then one date is not exactly a marriage proposal. There is a small chance that he got a little too intimate by sharing about his ex all over the place. Hey, we can all make mistakes. and like somebody SO wisely said, you need to worry if YOU like HIM, that you are fatter than you'd like is immaterial. Yes, it affects how YOU feel deep down about your self, but by NO means, ever, EVER use that to think you HAVE to go out with anyone. You are enough just the way you are - this is you, and any man who can't hang, well, it's been real, my brother, see ya later.

I was awaiting a response from you. I just don't feel right going out with him by any means. Maybe from my insecurities and getting the wrong vibes from him. So I'm thinking I am going to call it off. Which does make me feel bad. He's not my type....which to be honest...I really don't think I have a type. :-/ haha.  From theet go he started talking about his ex...which at first you know I didn't mind...it happens. But then it was like every conversation I had with him he would be like "We had the perfect relationship and she just ended it, I wish I could go back" then it hit me like omg he is not over her....I can't deal with all that. It may just be ONE date and usually I could care less if the guy likes me or not. But I am actually getting down to the point where I am not ready for a relationship or dates until I am content with myself. I need to be comfortable with myself before I am with someone else. I do deep down believe that is my problem.  I throw guys away so quickly because i am not happy with myself.

Hi Christa

Indeed, don't go. Listen to your intuition.
Just send the guy a very friendly email, explaining why you feel it is not right to go out with him. Or, if you don't want to elaborate on that, make up some other excuse. But do it asap and friendly, apologetic and swift. Not too big an email, just matter-of-factly and wishing him a lot of succes in finding the ideal woman (or getting back with his ex LOL- no better not mail that LOL)

Love
Carina

Hi Christa girl, I think that a lot of your apprehension does have to do with your insecurities, but I also think that in this instance, a lot of it has to do with the red flags that he is throwing up all over the place.  The guy is obviously still hung up on his ex and it’s never a good idea to get involved with someone who is still holding a torch for another woman. This is my advice to you.  Try to start all of your relationships with men as friendships and not as potential love relationships. This will accomplish two things (1) it takes the pressure off of you.  I think the problem that most single women have is that we look at all available (and sometimes not available) men as a potential love interest, and this contributes to us often getting involved with the wrong person.  If you approach a new relationship with a man as a potential friendship and not a potential love interest, then you won’t be so focused on things like how much you weigh or don’t weigh.  You’ll be able to concentrate of important things like getting to know the person and finding out whether the two of you have what it takes to make it as a couple. (2) Even if you decide that this person is not the one for you romantically, you still may have found someone you can be friends with for life.  I believe that you can never have too many friends. Take the pressure off yourself by not thinking of every man you meet as a potential love interest.  Start a friendship, get to know each other and see where things go from there.  Because the bottom line is if you can’t be friends with him first, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with him to begin with. Hope this helps sweetie.

That's very true. Become friends first. I guess I should try that huh. I will when I am ready. Friends then build into something if something is there.  I will just wait until I am comfortable with myself. See I know as soon as I hit 200 pounds or atleast like 210 I will be pretty content with myself and pretty fearless. Because I remember what it was at that weight because I look at my senior pics and go wow i look great but i remember when I got them taken I felt like a cow! So I have a little while to go before I get there. Thank you for your response Tali....i haven't seen you around lately I miss ya!

Try to start all of your relationships with men as friendships and not as potential love relationships. That is sooo true! we girls do tend to take this so seriously. if i had my life to live over, i would go out with more guy buddies who were crazy about me, but i was not turned on by them, so i ditched them.  shoulda went and had fun, not chasing all the time.

I agree with Tali and Neecee.. I think you should not go..... He has issues... I mean we all do... but his stuff is out of control.....   You are Beautiful Christa.... I mean that both inside and out... and any man whom you date should be able to see you for who you are and except your bodacious body as well.....  I suggest you do not even put your self in a position to have to listen to his drama, his exes issues or possibly say something stupid to hurt your feelings.... PERIOD!!!!

I met my husband online... We dated internationally for almost 4 years before we married  - so I dont have any issues with the online part...

I do have issues with ignoring red flags.  Perhaps you could send a short and sweet email - but dont buy into clingy behavior. the right one is out there.  I met mine :)  and he couldnt care less what I weigh.

I like the whole online thing. But at the same time it is so nerve wracking! Because sometimes you truely don't know what you're getting into. lol. i have met some sleeze bags off the internet a few times. haha. And I was like oh man!