Notes From My Therapist

But not about me, you voyeuristic crackheads! My therapist (who I have known for almost 20 years now-- but not just as my therapist, you dig) was a very fat young man, but dropped 100 pounds in his twenties and has kept it off for almost 40 years. Cool, huh? And luckily he feels my head is oriented exactly straight (which he rarely does) and believes I might be another rare person who will keep this crap off. Which is nice. But he did have a couple things that worked for him to share, and I thought they might be helpful to other people. 1) First-- something I said yesterday that he really liked: People need to stop thinking of weight loss like they think of a wedding, and think of it more like a marriage. There's this weird faction of people who spend 100k on a wedding, only to live in debt forever-- I see them all the time. Their dream wedding soon turns to a life of stress and bickering as the bills are due. What good is a dream unsupported, you know? I think any kind of plan for loss that doesn't also include a plan for maintenance is a very bad idea. All the focus on "the plan" and "which plan?" and plans that include foods you buy probably doesn't prepare you long term...fact is, Nutrisystem et al don't WANT you to be independent-- they want you to continue using their services for the rest of your life. Believe it. they will tell you you can't do it alone-- and once you're dependent on their plan, they are right. Keeps them rolling in greenbacks. Why do you think weight loss is a huge industry? Because people need to feel safe, and the idea of a plan offers that safety. 2) My therapist likes coffee. He likes cream in his coffee. But he figured out that with the amount of high octane coffee he drinks, he could save 100 calories a day by skipping the cream. One small change can really add up. Now the part I really like? He adds cream on Sundays when he reads the paper, and while on vacation. A little extra special gem in his day. I like that idea. 3) (Bert'll hate this one, it's not all-or- nothing enough) Last week, my therapist went on vacation, which he does two weeks a year. During vacation, he puts the cream in his coffee, eats appetizers and desserts, and enjoys food tremendously and without guilt. While he is a slender man, he tends to come back about 5 pounds heavier (mostly water) and has to cut back a little for about a month to get back on plan, or increase his exercise a bit. He chooses to do this, because he loves food and wants to sample great things, but doesn't feel they easily fit into daily living. My post-loss plan is to do the same, PLUS adding one "free" meal a week, so I can go to a wedding, or have dessert, or go to a party and try new things. I am less likely to "cheat" when I am not being deprived-- I think most people are.  4) He likes that I also don't think of food as my enemy-- it's delicious, wonderful stuff. It's always easier for me to make peace witha friend than an enemy-- it was that way for size acceptance too. When I hated me, I didn't care what I put into me.  When I liked me, I wanted to HELP me lose weight.  When I continue to love food, I can learn to treat it reverently and enjoy it more-- Example: Wednesday I went to Wegman's, which has an unreal groumet food selection-- and a woman was handing out samples of a gourmet cheese spread. First inclination was "GET OUT OF MY FACE, HERETIC!", but then I realized-- "Hey! I can have cheese! I can have melba toast!" So I did. And that little 1 inch gem tasted terrific and fancy and yummy, and was a sparkling jewel as opposed to the 40 pounds of costume jewelry I used to adorn my tastebuds with. Was nice.  Hope there's something in there y'all can use.

Brilliant! Thanks for sharing!

I think these analogies are great.  I think that is why I am doing better now b/c I am looking at the choices I make on a daily basis.  They are compromises.  Realistically a diet is lifelong journey, not a temp job.  I haven't cut anything out of my life completely (except alcohol b/c of a health problem) but I choose when to eat it now rather than letting my emotions choose for me. Thanks for sharing this.

#3 I want to get there.  Like Bert I'm an all or nothing person.  That goes hand in hand with my ever present OCD (self-diagnosed).  I do well when given few choices and strict parameters.  I am slowly getting past that and realizing that choices are what life is about and it's just about making the right ones, or the ones that work right at the moment. I want to be able to say "yes I can do that a little" instead of "no I can't do that at all because it triggers out of control behavior." #4

Food has never been my enemy but one of those friends that you can do without!!!  When I started my program it became the "keep your friends close but your enemies closer" kind of entity.  I want it to become something in my life that is there, not too big so it takes over, not too small that I can ignore it, but part of what makes me survive. Thanks Shari, great reading!!

I have/had OCD of the diagnosed variety. I'm not asymptomatic, but have the distressing symptoms down to about 10% what they once were-- through behavioral changes and keeping my brain on a short leash. The symptoms I have left are mostly just quirky and not destructive or life-damaging, so I more or less just laugh at myself and move on. I'm an all-or- nothing thinker too, but I've been forced to take a long look at that approach, as it's what got me into trouble in the first place. When I met with the nutritionist and the surgeon Wednesday, they each separately told me that I have to relinquish some control now and let the surgery do it's job-- to which I answered, "Relinquish WHA?!?" ;) Non ops have control. You decide what goes it and how you move,and for the most part, you control your results. Right now, I am limited in my choices, and am not supposed to exercise until cleared. This scenario is like torture for me, but instead of wrasslin' it, I am trying to float on top of it, and let things be what they'll be. If i don't gain, I can deal. If I don't lose, not much I can do.

Maybe we need to learn about the joys of moderation: well, at least fake it UNTIL we make it. My melba toast moment was a moment of zen-- instead of feeling deprived or pigging out, I had one glistening moment of good taste followed by calm, which was a nice change. Life didn't come to a halt. I didn't go into a tailspin. One SF FF Fudgecicle doesn't become a box. One is one. I am starting to appreciate The One. I'm gonna start calling everyone "Grasshopper", while I still appear Buddha-shaped. ;)

first off - thanks for sharing some wisdom... second - can I rub your belly?  LOL

You're welcome--- and NOT on the left side. ;)

I can only imagine your frustration with exercise right now.  That is the time I feel most in control.  My foot was bothering me last night and I was in a panic (to myself of course) that I was not going to be able to do Turbo the next day.  That is my security blanket right now. I'm surprised (or not, really) how many people with weight issues have OCD.  Some I know are actually too thin but more are heavier.  I'm just downright FAT!  A lot of my OCD issues have to do with food. Don't get me started on doctors.  I wish I had recorded some of the things doctors have said to me in the past. Grasshopper B

First of all, I LOVE Wegmans! I love to go there, any chance I get. LOL. Anyway, thanks for the wise words, Shari. I respect them and I think they make a lot of sense. But to tell you the truth, I also wonder if stuff like that can only be thought up and applied by people who had it in them anyway...crap, I'm not making much sense am I? Let's see if I can explain myself better. This guy sounds like he might be like my dad. Pops claims he was about 80 pounds overweight from his late teens, used to venture out from his college dorm to buy sacks of White Castle burgers and 6 chocolate croissants at a time, etc. Then one summer in his 20s he just dropped the weight and never really thought about it again, beyond when he comes back from vacation with the same 5 pounds. I've only known him as a fit person but once in a while -- though I try not to talk to him about weight most of the time -- I'll ask for advice. He tells me know about how he maintains his weight by eating what he loves in moderation, going out to fabulous dinners when he travels, blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I am determined to beat this (the weight) and I know I will...somehow. But my dad had it in him to eat creatively and my meals will always be like math. I feel like some people are just made that way, and they're lucky. Even WHEN I am at a normal weight, if I go out to dinner...I will probably always be thinking "how many bites should I have of this? How many ounces is that steak? If I have 4 pieces of steak how many bites of cake can I have? What if the cake is 1.5x a normal serving instead of 1 like it looks to me?" I am an all or nothing person and I don't think I will ever be normal. So I read advice like this and I appreciate it but a lot of the time I don't think it is meant for people like me, you know? Anyway if that made zero sense, we could talk about our favorite Wegmans products instead.

Respectfully, 'Nora, I don't buy the "I wasn't born creative" argument. As an Art Teacher-- I hear it entirely too much. Creativity is like a muscle. We're all born with it, and it expands as you use it. Some people are afraid to take the risks that it entails, though-- and that's a different deal entirely.

Truth is, it's math to most of us. Certainly is to me.  And it will be, probably for a long time-- until it becomes second nature. What's hardest to overcome is lack of motivation. You know, right now, you know that you are on a path to being ever larger if you do not stop yourself-- but if you are not experiencing any serious ill effects at your current size, your motivation isn't as easy to access. Much easier to actively address an urgent health issue that to hypothetically work to prevent what might become one later. I hope you find your motivation, or decide you are comfortable as you are.