For what it's worth... to newbies or anyone

I'm getting tired & should just go to bed but I feel like babbling... I guess if I get flamed in the morning... my A$$ will BURN! But oh well ;)  After reading so much of todays messages here... I'm just a little confused. I'm not meaning to step on anyones toes.... I am a newbie here myself, though I'm not at all new to many other forums. I am on some that I have been a part of , for almost 10 years. Some of these consist of adoption, interracial adoption, child loss, congenital heart defect, state child care providers etc. etc. Gads, when I see someone post that is looking for support- be it any support what-so-ever (within reason of course:)  I will do my very best to support. I know I have needed this myself at many times in my life, and if I can help someone along the way... I will sure try.   In all the forums I've ever been to, there has always been the knowledge that "if you don't like it- pass over it" You just ignore it.  I have never really heard of a community that doesn't welcome a newbie- until they read for some time (and learn the personalities of the other members) or till they give of themselves.  This confuses and baffles me.  I've never heard or experienced this anywhere else. There are some members on all the boards I am on, that I don't care to post to- there are some members on all the boards I've been on that don't care to post to me... that's okay! I don't mind :)  I don't mind a few cat fights now and again either, but you have the option of joining these or not. I think it helps to get things out- as long as it's not in a hurtful way. But personally, I don't think anyone expects anything more from anyone else on a support board- than just a little respect, friendship & maybe support. I know I certainly have never felt like I was having to portray a social worker or anything else- I just offer the ME experience and if it helps- great... if not... well, I tried ;) So I guess what I'm saying to my fellow newbies.... there are some members that seem a bit intimidating at times- I have no idea what their issues are yet- I'm also to new here, to have had time to read everything- but there are also some members who are ready and willing to lend moral support. Please do not leave because you feel intimidated or in some way "attacked".   I am only on this forum "hit and miss" through the days, & very new to my WLJ, but if I have the time (I care for up to 8 children Mon-Fri)... I enjoy hearing others stories and lending what support I can.  I am not a person that gives with the expectation of something in return. It feels good to give what/when I can. And for any non newbies that read this (I know you are lol ;)  If I ever bring things up that you maybe think are off the wall, or I'm not giving enough to receive... please just disregard! Cause I speak from my gut, and if I bring up something that might make you uncomfortable or think I'm looking for something I shouldn't be... please, just DON'T share... cause I get my feelings hurt realllly easy & I'd rather you just IGNORE me ;)  Just sharing my thoughts- for what they are worth :)  

Very well said.  I like this board.  I went to another tonight thinking I would just go to it but I don't like it as well as I like this one.   I just want to say that I am sorry if I have said anything to anyone that I shouldn't have.   Michelle

In the 5 months I have been coming here, today is literally the first time any of us has been less than stellar. Literally. And what really happened was that a few of us were feeling goofy and gave silly replies to people that were recieved as angry slights and not the smacked-ass rantings of a few tired people that they were. if you've been reading here a while, you'd know this.

You also have to remember where some of us are coming from. Some people are carting around 300 pounds of extra weight. Some are scared to death they won't have a date again. Some are considering very scary and nervewracking surgery-- others have HAD the nervewracking surgery and it either failed them or they aren't doing as well as they should. Some people have lost the weight of a whole extra person but can't get the last thirty pounds off. And *most* of us have been here, working our way through it, for quite some time, and just plain grow despondent and tired sometimes. Our bodies are struggling. Our heads are struggling. So sometimes, it's hard to force the necessary smiles and put other peoples' needs first as politesse dictates. While all of us share in obesity to varying degrees, none of us shares an ideology or even a dietary plan. No two of us are doing this the same way. And yet, until today, while we've all rolled our eyes a time or two, no one got their toes squashed in the front door. I think it's largely because we all support each other in our individual endeavors-- on each others' own terms, and not according to our idea of what's right. I'm not sure any of us believes their way is the best or only way, so asking us what we're doing can be kind of uncomfortable sometimes. I really don't know how to make that clearer. If this board has a successful aspect, it's in the ability of its members to find their own paths, chart their own courses, and then report our progresses (and trespasses?) here in the forum.

Asking people to ignore you is antithetical to human nature: people see people acting this way or that, and comment on it. Don't let it rattle you so-- these are the opinions of faceless people who may or may not share your values. If you feelings are hurt-- say so. Since it's no one's intent usually, most of us would use the power of words to try to find common ground.

 

I have been a member of this board since it was created, gosh, almost 2 years ago now?  I have seen people come and go, wondering at where some of them ended up, sad that some of them didn't stay even beyond the trials and tribulations, and wishing some of them would be here more.   There are millions of people in this world and we cannot like all of them.  I work regularly in an office with 6 women, all of whom I love, except for 1 who I could hang from the school flagpole on a regular basis.  I still try to find her positive attributes and sometimes it is harder than other times.  At times I have been known to be sarcastic to her, in the guise of fun sarcasm, and only I know what it really is. LOL  But I still continue to try to be kind and understanding of her, perhaps much like she does to me.  I'm not immune from having people dislike me. How does this relate to this board?  Well, as I said, I have been here since the beginning of the board, when OH didn't even acknowedge us non-op folks.  I have to say this is about the best group we've had here.   Even in its heyday there were perhaps 5 regular posters on this board.  Check the archives and you'll see what I'm talking about.  Now we have incredibly intelligent people who come here to post.  We have non-ops that are just doing fantastically with their weight loss, even if they beat themselves up from time to time.  We have post ops, both lap band and RnY, who bring a wealth of information from "the other side" and give the non-ops that may leap the fence some idea of what it's like over there.  We have those that post all on their own, not giving much support at all but using this as a tool for their own accountability.  We have those that come here giving tons of support yet we know nothing about their own struggles. Point???  Everyone is different.  I learned a long time ago to take what you want, and leave the rest behind.  I also learned a long time ago that's it's so not all about me.  If I put up a post and someone responds and they are sarcastic, why would I take that personally?  They don't know me worth a lick, so why would I assume they posted that post to hurt me?  Now if I said something blatantly stupid, I deserve whatever I get. Like Shari said, people can't ignore others.  It's not human nature.  And some of us have the gift of sarcasm down to a science, others wouldn't know sarcasm if it bit them.  All different. I hope that newbies that come to this board read at least 4 or 5 of the archived pages and catch up on who we are, both as weight loss people and personal people. Did you get any of that response?? LOL  I rambled.

If you're breathing, you have misunderstood something someone has said to you. We don't always choose the right words. Technically nuff said right there.  As has been said, if you feel that butthurt, put it out here in front of everyone or pm, but get it straight with the perceived offender. It is nigh impossible to discern sarcasm (which I am SO much in 3D).  in the written word.  I work hard (usually) to soften my words, other times, yeah, i wanna stir it up. There's a little bit of ***** in ALL of us.  Sometimes we are looking for a fight, sometimes we want to create peace and comfort. Um, that is one definition of being human. Most people have their heads up their OWN ASS so far they aren't thinking about/trying to hurt YOU----->It's all about them. Remember that next time you take sumthin personal. 

The whole "issue" is overblown. But, and there is always a "but", there have been numerous first post/newbie to the board questions lately (in the last week or so that I have noticed) asking the exact same question: "Im pre op, non op, blah blah blah, I need to start losing weight non surgically, yada yada, what works for you?"  Even a cursory scan of the forum will reveal answers to these questions, and many of us have information in our profiles with specific answers (mine has a blog post called "What I do").  Any established web community gets tired of hearing the same question over and over from people who haven't bothered to do a little due diligence. There may be ways to make it easier, however, for a newbie to find the information.  I don't know how "stickied" posts are created on OH, but it may be possible to create a sticky post that contains FAQS (frequently asked questions) and their answers.  Maybe a "Welcome Newbie" sticky that has information about this forum and a pointer to the FAQ, and other information, like how to get to a profile.

You don't have enough information about whether it's overblown or not, Bert-- much of the evidence is now missing.  Last night, a distraught woman came in and posted some very scary things, which-- despite this being a public webforum-- were very upsetting. I don't take "I hope I die" stuff very lightly-- I really can't--having dealt with 5 suicides in as many years, I tend to the the stuff more seriously probably than most anymore. The rub is that many people will not read the FAQ, because they really aren't seeking answers, they're seeking connections. As Neece said yesterday, if you refer people to a sticky post when what they are really seeking is a connection, they become offended and hurt.  There's no answer to how to handle tricky people, or how to get people to do their "due diligence." You do whatever you think needs doing I guess, and leave the rest up to the great Whatever. I think I did everything that could reasonably be expected to help the woman right her apple-cart-- and what she does from there is completely up to her.

Possibly.  My statement was based on my reading of what happened before 10pm EST yesterday (newbie posts, some flippant responses, newbie deletes account).  I don't know about anything that happened after that.

The whole deal was what I would delicately call "a clusterf&%#."

I think the FAQ is a great idea.  However, I think OH doesn't really care about us non-ops.  I believe there's supposed to be a staff member assigned to each forum that you can talk to in order to have something stickied. That peson posts "news" on the forum front page and other resources. The non-ops board doesn't seem to have any of that.. I think we do have  a staff person but I'm not sure that person actively participates in our little world.  Perhaps one of us should take the initiative to get the ball rolling?