checking in

so i have finished my second week of my internship and things are going well. at least with the work part of it all. i got my own office, nameplate and engraved name tag - VERY exciting!

food has been terrible - mainly because different people have been taking us out to lunch or having special luncheons for us nearly every day. i haven't had pizza in like 5 years - i've had it twice in the past two weeks. and gourmet mellow mushroom pizza no less, which is not like plain old dominos. much better tasting and probably much worse for you.  its hard because i don't want to miss out on the opportunities to bond with the other interns and make connections with the rest of staff. anyway, we have about one more week of orientation type acitvities before we settle in to a regular schedule and start getting clients etc.  i also had to fly to NY city last weekend for a bridal shower and basically spent the entire weekend eating. it was not good. i don't know what is wrong with me and why i can't just control myself. its reallllllllllllllllllllllly bad. and of course i still have my normal night eating issues still going on..... i joined the gym and have been in contact with someone about a trainer and am waiting for a response to see if they have someone who can meet me after work. have been the gym maybe 3 times, as i am STILL having a lot of back issues and new chiropractor doesn't want me doing more than 30 mins 3 times a week. i have been using the treadmill in my apt though (against medical advice), but not really doing enough to make a difference or sweat very much. the hardest past has just been getting up early and having to be somewhere at 8 am. i'm so exhausted by the time i get home, i just feel like sludge. last night i went to bed at 10:15! i have barely been checking email and have a list of like 10 people i need to call back. its also like 105 degrees here which just makes going outside feel disgusting. i've been trying to cook for myself but every time i use my stove, it starts smoking and the fire alarm goes off, so i've been living off frozen dinners... i am very uncomfortable and feel very fat. i don't know how to get back on track. help me! inspire me! i am scared! i am being taken to a "pig pickin" tomorrow. i'm a little frightened. i think they might actually have a whole pig like on a spit over a fire. apparently they do that sort of thing down here....luckily i'm not a huge barbeque/meat fan, so maybe it will be okay. although i'm sure they'll have cookies and other sweet items, which i am more of a fan of. maybe it will be too hot to eat.

why does this sound familiar?  oh yeah! ...it's begining to sound exactly like MY LIFE!   My office is one food fest after another...the one thing is, gratefully, they don't all go out to lunch real often. It's almost worse...home baked cobblers, pies, casseroles - none of them real healthy - right under your nose in the lunch room. I LOL when I read pig pickin....i'm thinkin you are right, it will be a young pig on a spit, or if you are lucky, cooked underground.  i cannot see any *body* on a spit, so that is hard for me...much better to have the roast, but when its little legs are all trussed up, something hits home for me. true lean bbq pork is actually pretty wonderful. but we digress here... the worst part will be all the side dishes, ask if you can bring a dish...no bring something anyway that you know you will eat.  You may have to rile up a standard excuse " i have weird eating habits" or the like so you can at some point be excused from some of this.   What is fascinating to me (i have kids your age) is that your peers are at a stage where THEY MUST be beginning to gain weight...the usual angst of getting to the early thirties, late twenties, even if they have been thin all along...they are hitting a wall. They may appreciate you taking a lead on this health nut thing.  YOU get how much work it is.  You should be able to work in a mushroom pizza hullaballoo once in a while, not every week! I know it's hard at first, you'll be okay.  The weather is another issue. All i can say is, you might try getting up like I have to at 4:30, go outside for a walk, even a half hour to start, then come in and get your shower rolling.  Yes, you will go to bed even before 10:15...but after a while, you will get a rhythm. poor baby.  I'll keep thinking.

the one good thing is that the "break room" where people seems to leave treats is on another floor, so its not in a place that you'll be walking past multiple times a day. although i have heard that there are legendary treats that will start appearing specifically in the counseling center office as things start to get busier  - but i'll deal with that when it comes up. i really hope i won't be able to recognize a pig in any way. hopefully they will have already deboned it or whatever and will just have the shredded pork lying there. not worried too much about side dishes - i don't eat potato salad or any of those types of things. i'm planning to bring a little bag of something in my purse - i found a grab bag thing at walmart which has individual bags of pretzels, baked ruffles, baked cheetos and baked doritos, so i'm going to take one of those. i'm a guest of somone else so i feel a little weird bringing a dish to share. its supposed to be a pretty big event. yeah it is funny  because people my age-ish down here all eat much worse than me, yet don't seem to think about it. will it catch up with them eventually? or are they just lucky? just hearing about some of the things they eat here has floored me. like mayo and peanut butter sandwiches. i dunno. grosses me out a little.  but bottom line, its still me making the bad choices and me eating too much, at night etc. i just need to start making better decisions and stop giving myself an "out" to eat what i want. i should know after all this time, that as unfair as it might be, i just cannot do that.

it's hard to say whether it will catch up...most usually, yes, it will.  Took my DH til age 55...he ate like *that* - 3500 calories PLUS (no joke) every day. But here he is now.  None of us know what a thin person does to stay that way. Unless they are insomniacs or social outcasts who do nothing but work out and work, at some point they must do some damage control. I wouldn't know...i have the first calorie i ever ingested.

I know you will gravitate toward others who are like-minded.

A pig pickin' in my neck of the woods is usually a pork shoulder fired on the grill and then cut up into BBQ.  You add your favorite sauce to it and eat it on a bun.  Or perhaps you just have a pork plate with no bun.  Good stuff!    I really wish I had something I could tell you.  I really do. I was in the same place you are only 3 weeks ago.  I was eating badly and eating lots and I mean lots of food!  Oreos and various other cookies, stromboli's loaded with cheese, hot wings galore, pizza, and all sorts of stuff.   That's when I had my break down and said I was going to have WLS because I could never do this myself.  Since then I've started making little changes here and there and now I'm back to losing weight again.  The bad thing is... it's all a blur and I have no idea how I got back here.  The only thing I can say is just keep doing what you're doing.. Keep coming back here and posting.  It's the ONLY thing that has helped me get back on track that I know of.  As you know I'm really close to you so I understand what your'e going through with everyone around you eating badly.  That's a regular southern thing.  One thing I've found that helps me is when I talk to the guys at work I tell them what I'm trying to do.  When we go out for lunch I order somethign healthy. They all give me feedback or tell me how they need to do the same, etc.  It makes me feel good to know I've made a healthy decision and someone else can't find the strength to do it.  Perhaps you can just make it known to everyone. Tell them you used to be really overweight and you're scared to death of going back there. Ask them to help you find healthier foods to eat.  They see the skinny you and they think nothing of it.  If you tell them, I'm sure they'll help in some kind of way. Ways you might not even expect.  I bet you there's tons of people there going through the same thing but have chosen to block it out of their minds.   Remember, no one is really ever completely happy with their body. Get that stove/oven fixed!  Bring some healthy foods with you to work and everytime someone offers you sweets go "Ewww!!!! Nasty!!! NO thank you!".  (may want to leave the eww nasty part out but definitely say it to yourself.)  Pop a carrot or something in your mouth and go Yuuuuummmmmy lol!  I've taken that approach with whole grain items. I used to hate them... Now I love them and don't really like the white stuff.   If you go out to eat pick the healthy stuff.  I've noticed more and more restaurants are adding slim items or healthy choices to their menus. Even the hole in the wall places are doing it.  I don't always have the best advice. That's normally your job.  I'm suppose to be here to whine about my own problems and have sympathy for those going through the same battles as me.  My heart goes out to you, but you know what you need to do!  Get back on track, no excuses, find a way!  Think about it this way, this is what you're going to be doing for the rest of your life. Maybe not an internship but you will be going to work and dealing with this.  You have no choice but to find a way to make your life healthy. You owe it to yourself. I hope in some way I've said something that you can take from this.  I know my words aren't always wise but I'm here for you.  Hell if you need me and the wife to drive down there and have a healthy meal with ya let me know! lol

Me give YOU advice? Now that's hilarious. Andy, when I started poking around this board, your story was one of the first I came across, and it inspired me and gave me hope. As far as the exercise goes, is the recumbent bike an option for you? I know it works well for some people with back problems. I think once the concentrated period of celebratory meals with coworkers passes, you get your stove fixed, and you find a trainer, you will be just fine. I know it will be impossible to see it this way, but...I would expect a similar story from any of my friends after a move, whether they've been skinny all their lives or not. So, check it out...you're normal! I'm sorry you're feeling fat and uncomfortable (don't I know the feeling!), but just work to fix what you can fix, at least ENJOY those pig-picking type events if they're going to happen anyway, and don't let it get to you once you settle in. I am not worried about you, but I know it's hard. Sorry I couldn't help more but I promise I will try and think of something else!