One Last..gloves are off... all out try

Hi and welcome!!  I too can sense a certain desperation in your post.  That's probably why you were thinking about having WLS as well. We're here for you and it's important you know that.  This board has been a HUGE factor in my success thus far. I've learned so much from everyone around here and on some occassions I've been able to instill some knowledge in others.  We're all here to help and get help. Join the conversations more often!    As far any advice, this time I can't add anything more than what Bert said.  He's 100% right on and I think if you listen to his wisdom you will succeed.  There is no failure anymore, remember that. Each time you feel like you failed pull back the reigns and say "Hey, wait a minute here, what did I learn from this... what's REALLY going on?"

Hi LVS! Blessings right back atcha! We all need that.  Thank you...it will start my day out right. I encourage you to do some reading about night hunger.  I understand it may be a pre-diabetic response to wake up, pretty much in the night because of hunger. I think you should try an evening snack  - right before bed - of pb & whole grain cracker & nonfat milk...so kind of substantial.  It can be a protein drink if you have one low in calories, high in protein, low in carbs. I am also in my last throes of losing my weight.  It requires daily, hourly attention to what I eat.  At my age, i can no longer make too many "food mistakes" - my body packs on weight immediately. Glad you're here!

Good shot!  It's actually uncontrolled Type II.  I know it's not ME being hungry.. I know it's my cells starving.  I know the thirst is from the sugar and I use that to get the water in me.  I KNOW it's my cells starving, but it doesn't make the empty feel any better.  I don't want to take a bigger shot of insulin because it's going to make my body use the calories more efficiently.  What a circus!  If you're hungry and you eat, your sugar goes out of control, which makes you hungrier and thirstier which makes you eat all over again.  Life's circles...   I nipped on protein last night so I could get some sleep.  I didn't fall bac****il 6:00 or so.  After a nutrisystem lunch, I was up to 184 which is much better than usual, but the good thing is that 3 hours later I'm down to 113 which is amazing for me, so this perfectly portioned meal thing for Type II's is ok. You're right about the night snack.  I tried to milk the time for the fruit and made it a bit later, but by 3:00am.. gonzo.  I'm thinking maybe a graham cracker within reach so I don't grab something easier. I can't make any more mistakes either.  I watched my own demise when my dear, sweet brother passed and in as much as I miss him, it's that much more I know how tortured he was in his own body so  I'm glad he's at peace, and I only weigh half of what he did.   I don't want to die like that.  He passed with a lot of love around him with his family, but the medical world treated him very very badly.   I think I need to stay in prayer and stop worrying about the things around me that I can't control.  If the house has to be a mess while I get myself right, then so be it.  We are all adults here so everyone should jump in here. Thank you Good luck and Be Blessed!

BTW - on the nutrisystem...  a guy here in my office is doing it and loves it... but says that he eats a fair amount of veg and dairy with it... does the girly version tell you to add to their meals?  are you eating all that you should?

AHA!  I can't ... it's way too much.  I have to use coffee to shovel in the muffins in the morning and it takes about an hour.  The chicken barley stew goes down good for lunch, but if I had to add the salad.. fuggetaboutit.. I'd be doing some p r e t t y  u n h e a l t h y things to get empty.  I had a piece of fruit instead of the dairy and I had to wait a couple of hours after lunch..   No... I'm not eating it all, but it's better than what I used to do to lose weight!  It's a step in the right direction.  Yanno.. it's that middle of the night thing.  I just gotta get past the middle of the night and straight on to morning. The girly version is pretty much the same except for an added this or that for the men. for example: Dinner for women is NS entree , 2 servings of veggies, one fruit or salad, one fat for men add 1 low GI carb. I just had the entree.  If I have to I'll eat the veggies or fruit later.  At least for now until I become accustomed to this.

Thank you!! God Bless!

I always have a snack before bed...  for me a litte fat goes a long way toward a good night's sleep.  peanut butter.... a piece of cheese....  or my fave a toffee rice cake with cream cheese on it! any of these help me get a good night's sleep... you have gotten some great advice.  Journal your food, see what you are REALLY eating.  make changes to what you eat to improve it.

Exercise a bit more today than you did yesterday, eventually your body will thank you. Even if you DO decide to have the WLS your body will be healthier and better prepared for it if you lose a few pounds beforehand.  Just ask Shari (who's body is miffed at her right now) I promise that you DO have the strength to do what needs to be done - if you keep looking you will find it.

 

Thank you.. and thank all of you!  I'm overwhelmed by the support!  I don't get that much around here.  I guess everyone sees this as my own problem and that's it.  I don't think anyone realizes that it's difficult to take care of myself and please everyone else.  It's not as easy as June Cleaver makes it out to be. One other thing...   my family all know how my brother died and what killed him at such a young age.  They know what he went through, they know I'm gaining at the same rate he did. Then know I'm in pain, I cry nightly, sometimes I burst into tears during the day.  I don't leave the house anymore unless I absolutely have to.  I see no one anymore.. I communicate with no one.  My only friend is the food I eat and that's turned into my arch enemy.  Why do they see me as selfish or lazy when I ask them to make their own meals so I don't nip while I'm cooking or taste when it's done, or worse yet... just flat out eat it?  It's KILLING me, slowly and painfully.  They say they support me, then ask "what's for dinner" "is there any dessert".  So, out of guilt I drag my butt up and whip up some dessert, and despite the fact that I know that all of this cooking is destructive for me, I cook anyway so I don't disappoint.   How does one deal with this.. keep on cooking up a storm and NOT eat it?  How do you mentally block out the pork tenderloin and scalloped potatoes, the stuffed shells, the oven fried chicken, the lasagne.. etc?  it's just so easy and it's there.... I know, I went through the trouble of making it!   Grrr.  very frustrating.  They ditch the broccoli and scorn the salads... how do you keep everyone happy? Thanks for letting me vent!!!! Be Blessed everyone! "Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"  Amen...

When my family asks what's for dinner I say "grilled chicken, broccoli and whole wheat pasta, would you like some?"  If the answer is no (and it usually is) then I say "well I dont know what you are having, but you will when you cook it! fortunatley my fellas are easy and they go ahead and cook - but if they are feeling lazy they will eat with me.

mind you, my son is 13... so if he can cook for himself then yours can too!

Oh how I know my daughter can do it.  I taught her young to put up a pot of sauce from start to finish, but she pretends she doesn't know how.  The other day she pretended she couldn't make scrambled eggs and whipped out a cookbook!    It's like "honey, spray the pan with pam, pour the eggbeaters in the pan".  LOL  I am so being tested.  21 years old... to think, I was tending a husband, his three children, going to school.. etc at that age  and she pretends she can't scramble eggs.  What's this world coming to!  LOL   If I attempt to feed them what I'm having... 2 hours later they are calling in a pizza!  So although they say "yes" with their lips, their gums and teeth and stomaches say "no no no". Ok.. I'm gonna stick close to you folks here because this attempt is so new and I need to do this.  At least when my brother was alive, we'd fight it together.  I wonder if someone just snapped his DNA .. added a gene to make a female.. and copied him over to make me.   It's only 8:45pm and yea, I'm feeling empty.  I waited until almost 7 to have the ns entree of chicken parm (of course not like mine) lol, but it was alright for what it was.  I've been nipping on a pear for the last 15 minutes.  My daughter brought me the fabulous ones so the problem here is not getting up later to have another!  Egads! I didn't have my night time insulin yet and I'm at 160 which I consider pretty good considering that nyquil brought me to 350 last week.  I'll load up the syringe though and take it just before I close my eys so maybe I won't  wake up starving my butt off... maybe it will see me through the night. Thanks for your patience and your kindness! Be Blessed!!!

LVS...you have some teaching to do at your house! I would schedule each person in your house to do one night's cooking..plus dessert. That leaves you to do the other 4 nights, right?  Even your DH can boil hot dogs or fire up the grill on a weekend night at least?  grill some pineapple and buy vanilla ice cream to go with it?  Come one now, just ask them, then you try to get their shopping list going for what they will need.  Not one iota of my business, but why is a 21 year old still living at home this helpless? This girl needs to start kicking in or shipping out. Her life is about to start, and she is an adult NOW by all standards. You need her help right now, tell her so she may begin to act like an adult.

You sound so depressed, wish i coudl be there to hug you and help you.  Please get out of the house and join WW or TOPS or anything! Go to community collge and get into an aqua aerobics class...anything. You need some 3D support. You are at a place in your life where your kids are about to leave home, so you will be experiencing a new life.