Mom Gets Pre-Teen Daughter Lap Band

So I guess I'm a rotten mother, huh?  Well, I've been called worse, I'm sure I can deal with that. Both of my boys are obese and there is not a whole heck of a lot I can do about it.  There is obesity in their fathers side of the family to a large degree (no pun intended).  My ex-husbands aunt is 550 pounds, the other is 500 and his uncle is 400 pounds.  Interestly enough, his other aunt from the same family is about 125 dripping wet.  His mother is easily 300 pounds.  My aunt is 300 pounds, my grandfather was an easy 400 and my grandmother was 350 all her life.  ~shrugs~ My mother is 150 at her heaviest, same with both sisters.  They are all also about 4 inches shorter than me.  My father is 5'8" (my height) and weighs about 170.  I ballooned to a whopping 400 pounds at one point.  So who is to understand genetics and what makes us what we are? Did I pass on some not so great eating habits to my children as they grew up? Certainly I did, it would be ignorant of me to say that I didn't.  Have I been working my ass off for 2 years now taking off the weight and getting healthy?  I sure have.  Logic would say if they picked up the bad, they'd adopt the good, right?  Nothing in life is logical. My youngest son comes to the gym with me 4-5 times a week.  He plays football in the summer, wrestles in the fall and plays baseball in the Spring.   He's 5'8" and weighs 280 pounds.  He is a compulsive overeater.  It matters not that I don't have a drop of junk food in the house.  He'll eat real food, tons of chicken and vegetables, cheese and eggs, etc....just because it is there. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.  Sorry for the cliche', but it seemed appropriate.

Um, no. I would never deign to see that a person under age gets 18 wls.  The whole subject of fat children is very difficult. Yours, mine, or ours. ALL anyone can do is present the opportunities to be outside playing hard each day, have healthier food around. I know I tried, i really did to provide those parameters for my kids. As I said, much of their childhood due to finances (extra lazy father who would not work but i digress), the quality of the food was not where i would have chosen it to be:  hot dogs, mac & cheese, not enuf fruits and veggies, etc. Conversely, i did could not afford junk food either...chips, sodas, store bought cookies. I have a DD who has been chubby all her life.  lazy, that kid has always been lazy. Most days, we would go for a long walk to the local park or hike in the woods or ride bikes when she was very little.  After school age, it was our routine to get on the bikes and ride around the hood or go out to the lake and swim. I would have to threaten, then drag her - she NEVER, ever wanted to go with us. She was happies****ching tv, talking on the phone, sneaking food to her room. When she was in jr high, I made both DD's take sports...they chose swimming or basketball or cheerleading.  That DD would always be in trouble from the coaches for being lazy and being obstinate about doing all the workouts and practices.  My other DD was not exactly thin, but she did things like walk to high school (about a 5 mile walk) just for the exercise, swim for an hour at a time after practice, counted calories on her own, etc. This DD when in 1st grade stopped eating potato chips becasue they had too much sodium and fat (she learned it in school).  Both my kids are built strongly, 5 ft 8", big hands and feet. As 30 year olds, one is pretty heavy maybe 250 or so? (has a two year old baby, has not lost that baby fat) and the other one is about 160,looks great works hard at it. One chose a personal health path very different than the other girl did, from a very young age. In the same house, with the same parents! How's that nature vs nurture!  LOL yeah, fat kids are not necessarily the parents faults. This case is one where a parent has crossed the control line with her child. As we all know, she cannot walk around this kid the rest of her life, it will be up to the girl at some point.

"Lazy" is a funny word.  See, I have been called that all my life too. But I graduated two years early, paid my own tuition, had my first degree at 21, held an advanced degree by 30, pay my own bills, help other people's high-risk kids all day--- I'm not lacking in energy and never was, so much as I hated exercise. My fifth grade teacher called my mom and said she thought I was hyperactive...my mom laughed so hard i thought she would choke. My brain WAS (still is) but the body, notsomuch. Whether parents create obese children or not, it becomes the child's responsibility to choose their own path.

it's true t is a subjective word...my DD would tell you she is lazy, she's actually pretty okay with it. She quit high school (actually stopped school in 8th grade)  nojob much over 1.5 years, more of them 2-3 months...she is decidedly, admittedly lazy. she has a hyper side, but hers is probably for a reason more like she does not play well with others, and I swear, it is tied to her diet. As I have said, she eats twinkies & chocolate milk, full lead pepsis - bladder buster size,,,,etc.  I do own some part of her obesity as a young child...how can you live with an admitted bulimic mother and not have any ill-effects? I'm sure both kids do have some deep seated issues  w/ food.  AND they are big boned...and loved no matter what they look like and told they can be anything they choose.

What if they chose to be, say--- military aircraft? Or one day your kid said, "Mom, I want to be a spatula" ?

Bwaaaa Ha Ha Ha...

My son has a very big ego.... we watch the american idol tryouts together... when someone really sucks and their mom is saying carp like "oh honey you are a star.  those juges are just mean" I look at my son and I say "I want you to know I love you enough to tell you when you stink"  LOL

I am cross-posting my response from the BAF board here: "According to this story, she gained back 35 pounds after the first two surgeries.  I'm no expert on WLS, but isn't the psychological evaluation supposed to weed out people like this girl with a clearly untreated disorder? As sad as I am to see that children her age are desperate to be accepted, I can identify -- and I can't say that if I were still a 13-year-old weighing 185 lbs, I wouldn't take the same action if given the opportunity."

Ohh, you didn't know?? That's no longer necessary because the "problem is with the stomach and hunger", has nothing to do with the mind or any habits.  Psych eval, hah!   Her mother is clearly VERY uneducated; about WLS and about health.

Of course you would do it Dee-- but you wouldn't be able to commit o the post-op lifestyle changes that are necessary for it to work. There's a lot of things I would have chosen at 13 that would have been detrimental in the end. This is why we have parents: to keep us from our bad choices.

I  would definitely not go along with allowing my child getting lapband at the age of 12.  My stepson lost his mother about a year ago.  He came to live with his father and me.   He had just turned 11 was 5'2" and weighed 167 lbs.  When my husband would play ball with him he didn't want to chase the ball.  He was constantly having my husband get it.  I told my husband to stop chasing the ball all the time and let him get it more.  His blood pressure and cholesterol was high.   His mother allowed him to drink a lot of regular soda and eat large portions of fast food.  He also  played a lot on his X-box.  We made changes to his eating patterns and limit his X-box.  I told my husband he was not going to grow up fat like I did  if I could help it.  Kids at school can be so cruel.

He has now been holding steady in the 130's and is now 5' 4 1/2".  He is much happier and his blood pressure is great too.  I really didn't have to make too many changes, but he is not allowed to just go and grab whatever he wants.  He lost this weight so quickly too, mostly by going outside more.  Now, if I could just do the same to myself.   Brenda (MO)