Don't hate me...

and shari..may I point out that by your own admission, this whole wls experience was the first time you personally ever tried to lose weight.  Most of us have many many years and tears behind us of trying, losing, gaining, there is a big argument and some studies prove that yo-yoing is not healthy either. I can name so many 100+ overweight persons who have lost 100#, then gained it back I dont know how many times.  We've been all over this vanity vs health issue before so you know how I feel in general, but seriously, why wait til one develops co-morbids? If any given candidate is 40 bmi, it's fair game to have coverage to and PCP buy-in on getting it. Also, your point about shifting body image is a great one...be prepared to love this new body, too.  Even after ps, it can look not quite how the ads show!  Everyone is different, and some years out can make all the difference in how your skin bounces back..or not.

Why wait til one develops co-morbids?  Bowel obstructions, eating disorders, cross-addictions, strictures, staple line failure, gastric tube insertions, malnutrition, sepsis, strangulated bowels, dumping, impacted stools, hematoma, nestidioblastosis, death...you know-- THAT sort of thing.  Which are "rare" complications-- but I know several *actual* people who have had them, so how rare can they really be? Stupid analogy here, but it's much the way I feel about childbirth. We all would choose a healthy baby, but not everyone has one...so my feeling on that is that if you are unprepared or unwilling to raise a child with a cleft palate, or Downs syndrome, or ADD, you need to think long and hard about the choice to have a kid.  Likewise, if your body is well-functioning, and you are risking a procedure that can make it less so, you need to be very aware of the things that can, and often do, go wrong. If someone feels so desperately despondent about their looks that they need to have this surgery (and for no other reasons), I'd be in no position to stop them-- but I also believe that  a person whose value is that tied up in such things is probably not very likely to be happy with the aesthetic outcomes of these surgeries, either, if you know what I mean. You don't get your youth back nor your vigor, unless you are willing to work-- and you don't get your body back unless you're willing to work...and pay Dr. 90210 a healthy pile. My decision not to diet sooner wasn't about being a lifetime hedonist, (I often did healthy things that didn't amount to a hill of beans, but had no solid plan until now) but  based on a lifetime of watching other people fail miserably and have to live not only with fat but tremendous self loathing-- and I decided I couldn't live with both. Hardly seemed worth it-- and still wouldn't be, if I were fat and healthy. Unfortunately, I was fat and dying. That made my choices a little easier, I suppose--but even then I had (and have) my "iffy" moments. To be honest-- I don't share the gory details-- it's a Non Op board after all-- but the last few weeks have been ****ty enough that I can honestly say if I'd had the RNY to look better in a swimsuit, I might have jumped off a bridge by now. Even though I have been relatively lucky, it's been quite harsh enough to convince me that this stuff is serious bidness. Comparing it to the life I lead in January-- it's just different misery, and it may pass. Compared to a healthy fat body (had one of those not long ago) I'd be saddled with huge fears and regrets right now that I feel very blessed not to be having-- so far. Neece, Mama-- chalk it up to an east coast/west coast thang. ;) No, seriously-- I know I am weird, and most women do not feel as I do. I can only represent from my little perspective on the universe- as always, just about ANYONE'S mileage may vary.  When I say something, I feel like I might be overbearing, but when I don't, I fear someone might be missing the opportunity to benefit from my unusual and limited experience. So I toss it out there, and hope people take from it what works for them.

no, hey, you are not all that weird...lots of people have resigned themselves to staying fat...me included on some level.  I accept that we are not little people cut outs that fit on our spots on the weight charts.   Like you, i look at the worst that will likely happen and ask, can I live with that?

I have had abdominal surgery, twice, and it went pretty crappy.  i am with you, i am not so sure that lots of people really get how bad wls can go. Surgery of any kind should make any rational person stop and weigh it out.  And then,...the ironic part...now you WILL do what you've been trying to do for all this time...eat right, exercise.  Birdwalk:  i think I support wls so much because it is a sort of public admission that significant weight loss and lifetime maintenance is not quite as easy as all the books and skinny little personal trainers make it out to be. 98% of them have never been fat, so they do not know what it is like, never will.  My skinny male boss declared after attending the same gym for 5 years that everyone, bar none, who went to the gym on a regular basis as he did looked absolutely THE SAME as when they started.  I had been claiming that for years, it is NOT that simple calories in calories out for a lot of fat people.

Shari..... My peeps are from Camden, NJ.... it gets no rougher than that!!!!! So no offense taken on this end!!!

Diva girl, you have my support in whatever you decide to do! You have to do what is going to work for you, not anyone else. I know how intimidating being around your hubby's ex love interests can feel - I get intimidated around his cousins' wives. They are skinny, sizes 0-5. They make me feel like a huge blob next to me. Granted they aren't mean, but I still feel that way.  We're still all here supporting you. I can't believe I felt like I had to leave here when dealing with my crisis over the weekend! This is the best place to be!

Girl... I am glad you at staying... we need you here.... 

I'm not mad, I'm not jealous -- go for it girlfriend!!!

Thanks Tali!!!

Hi again Diva! Hey, I was just reading your responce to Shari, and I too, did not know you were struggling so much.  It sounds like the weight is very resistant.  Do you have that Poly cystic ovary syndrome?  I hear alot of folks who have that, have a difficult time losing even with great effort.  Iam sure you will make an informed choice. I still don't know which way Iam gonna end up also.  Today DD (special needs child/adult) was taking me on a roller coaster of feelings.  I thought, how am I ever gonna lose without surgery? Then I realize that people say thier tummys get REALLY tight with stress...So how would that work for me? So much to consider, and I've been "considering" for almost a year! lol....Bless you Diva, hang in there....

Thanks Gael... I go for my Well Woman this month... I will check into that.. I know for a while I had endometriois.... but since being on the NuvaRing... I have not had any trouble....  I am just gonna see what the surgeons say.... I mean the whole thing may be too overwhelming.... but one thing for sure is.. I am ready for some changes....