"Monday, Monday"

I swore that'd be the last night on the sofa. I stopped taking all pain meds because they stop me up so badly, so this might be a challenge. The phone rang incessantly starting at 8 am today-- I heard it but couldn't wake up enough to get it. Then I remembered the SIg Ot was going to call me about a court thing invoving the kids-- and the message he left didn't sound good. His struggles are my struggles. I don't know if I am ready. Then the visiting nurse arrived. For what? I dunno. Said my blood pressure's still 100/60, so I guess that's the new normal. Small low-grade fever today though, suddenly.

And it's dark, cloudy. And looking at the calendar, it's PMS time, and it coincides with the week that's the traditional hell week for RNYers as their estrogen spills back into their tissues. I know exercise will help, but it's about to rain, and muggy as hell. I'll push through that, sometime today. So while I am not in a full blown fury, I'm suddenly finding my optimistic self in a state of pre-panic. My chest is tight. I'm anxious. I know it will pass and that it isn't real, but it still makes the adrenaline course through my veins as though something bad really *is* going to happen. Reading the WLS boards increases the anxiety. Good things (my sweet kitty cat) become sad things (she's gonna die one day.) It's like a funhouse mirror that distorts everything. Just seems so unfair when you are coping with so many things already, you know?

I'll get through it. I just wanted you to know that while I am generally pretty together, my hormones like to have their way with me, too. Please forgiv me between now and say, Wednesday if I am less than stellar in my responses...I'm kinda hanging by a thread. This too shall pass!

 Awww girl, break down if needed.  We're here for you.  I get like that too.  Then I get pissed at myself for getting so "weak" and that just makes it worse.  I am my own worst enemy, I truly am.

Take a nap and try to sleep through it.  That's what works for me. Love ya

aww, sorry you're bumming out today.  PMS is NO joke!!  I don't keep track of my cycles any more since I got the ole tubes tied - so when The PMS comes, its usually a surprise - and I think I'm going completely mental till I realize, oh - its the PMS! Are you going swimming today?  When I'm crabby and feeling morose, it usually helps.   Hang in there dude!!     Like you said - this too shall pass! 

PMS sucks.   Take care of you first.  Let Sig Ot know that you care and they you havent abandoned him but that you need to recover.  You will be in a better position to help SIg Ot better if you are healthy.  You may need to 'hunker down' for a bit and really just concentrate on you.  Not to mention that you are likley not going to be fit for company....

Could you go walk inside?  go to the pool?  rain sucks almost as much as PMS.  If all else fails hide the remote and walk to the TV a lot.

take care - keep drinking and eat your protien!  Maybe a nice?

Oh man, that just sucks. I hope the trouble with Sig Ot's kids works out. If you need to, have a good cry.  I've come to find it isn't being weak, sometimes when our horomones are raging around it's a good release.  That way you can get past it and come up with a plan to deal with whatever crisis that needs attention. As for your sweet kitty, she isn't gone now, not tomorrow, or even possibly 5 years from now.  Think about the now, not the later because we don't know what life holds.  My 1st precious kitty is 15.  I try not to think about her age or I'd be a freakin wreck worrying she'll leave me.  Between my DB and I, we have a total of 3 kitty babies, with the second being 11 and our littlest being 4. You will get through it cause your a tough lady.  Just be kind to yourself. Melinda

Thanks, people.  Part of the issue, besides the hormonal tide-- is that the surgery has not made me healthier yet.  I know--- it's been three weeks, but when you do it for health, you want it soon. I actualy feel considerably worse than I did before surgery-- so weight loss or not, until I am at 100%. Other people go, "Wow! I wish *I* had your results!", because I am smaller-- but they don't have to feel the helplessness and exhaustion.

I guess I'm just going to feel I traded away a part of my health for a while, and I desperately want it back-- this convalescing is taking a lot of time and I am really not good at it. Not ready to say I made a deal with the devil just yet, but when the pain or tiredness slow me down, I have my moments. I know it will get better. I just need the timetable to speed up a bit. Working harder (through exercise) actually slows it down. gah.

yes, the trading health thing is an angle for those pondering wls to consider.  I know when i was thinking about it, the thought of seeing doctors every week or thrice weekly about stopped me in my tracks right there. As you know, there i a regret curve for most people...the "what have I done" moments. Just try to remember that you did not have a good choice...staying fat was about the end of your life as you knew it, too. Either way, you would have been an invalid of sorts...this way, you have a fighting chance to get normal.

oh man, sorry i missed this post yesterday, gurl. I too suffer from anxiety issues from time to time. Your scientific description is exactly what I do when i am feeling that way.  i try to verbalize the symptoms, even to myself. And assure myself that whatever is about to be cosmically dished, i'll handle it.  I would imagine being by yourself so much is not helping.  Wish you had more support around you in 3D.