Random thoughts by snuggle......

From the age of about 12-19 I hated my body, thus myself. I gave in to being teased, I accepted what family, or strangers said about me under their breath, and thought.. okay, this is who I am supposed to be.. right..??? I will never get those 7 years back.  7 years of caring too much about what the rest of the world thought about my weight, became an every day thing for me back then. I measured myself by some weird untouchable standard that existed between the pages of Cosmo magazine.... I have  had my crappy days, just like anyone else with a weight problem.... I have curled up to a bed full of snacks, and eaten until I felt full enough to just fall asleep and not think about my weight. I have eaten in secret, hoping that no one would find out. I have used fat huggers, girdles, and all sorts of torturous devices to hold myself in. Then one day, the light bulb went off... Look a that girl staring back at you in the mirror... She's is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She runs circles around any of those other girls.... and you all should see me.. I am too cute and sexy for words.... That day, I decided to stop treating myself like the fat girl.. and ventured to start living like, the incredibly intelligent, sexy, curvy goddess that I was, and after that day, no matter how heavy I got, I never turned back. I took care in my appearance... no matter how fat I felt.. I always dressed up, very fem.  I developed a shoe addiction.. I started taking care of my skin... I started wearing makeup again.. I started doing cute things with my hair again.... when no one was looking I strutted in the hallways at work like a supermodel.... I started to take care of myself, and it was the best thing I ever did... Life isn't what happens 100 or 50 or 25 pounds from right now.. it's what happens this very minute.. and everything you did at a heavier weight, does not all of a sudden become discounted because you were fatter.... Give me a break... Hold your head up high, get out of bed and make today a day to remember, no matter how much you weigh.... Live like a lady... JUST DO IT....... Things that I love to spoil myself with; Perfume Music shoes / heels wrinkle cream Baby oil eating healthy walking - because I can High quality makeup Fabulous accessories red lipstick long lashes hair care products a great bronzer Sexy lingerie skirts that go a bit past my knees SPF

You're singin' my tune, SnuggyPots. It's that same mindset that says, "Use your good china TODAY", you know? Life doesn't start when you're ready-- it starts now. Crap, I was once a 368 pound lingerie model. (I just know Neece will PM me for pics...) Think about-- no, better--- go look at the hippos at the zoo. (Your name prompts me to think about it daily.) If you can, watch hippos as they swim-- so graceful, cool, and self- content! We've got beautiful trees in every imaginable size and shape, and animals-- why not people?  Go out and enjoy your place in this world-- and if they won't make you a place, then swing those hips wide and take it by force!

I wonder what it would be like to have grown up in a society with a different body concept.  It's somewhat disturbing to me to think that my own perceptions about weight and beauty could have been shaped so thoroughly by external factors.

Nurture has just as much to do with it as nature. There are plenty of confident fat people out there who grew up in full acceptance and reject the outside worlds views. Many of them grow up and go through life feeling no different, despite their external factors. They live that life, in an alternate universe.... a life that does not revolve around their outside appearance. From birth to adolescence, you formed your view of yourself in relation to the world, based on 2 things. 1.) What you think about you and the world you live in 2.) What others think about you and the world you live in Where you landed up on the spectrum of feelings, depends on how you were brought up - like what was seen as acceptable and not acceptable in your social structure. That being said, none of us is destined to remain in the closet so to speak. Human beings have the ability to develop resilliance, to overcome behaviors or beliefs that are harmful. How great is that.. we don't have to carry this crap around with us our whole lives, because we are able to see beyond it and reach for higher ground. WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER.. YOU DO BETTER...... Don't wonder, JUST DO IT............... I dare you, for one day to challenge your  self pre- concieved notions and do 2 things throughout 24 hours of your life... 1.) Don't judge others 2.) Don't think about your weight Project outwardly what you want on the inside...Nothing is sexier than a person with confidence.... nothing....

I doubt that many fat people in our culture can grow their entire lives feeling accepted, but making a place for yourself in this world is a conscious choice that anyone can make...but like everything else, it takes work.

It doesn't take "denial" to have purpose-- so sure, you can think about your size. You can be aware of its joys and limitations...you can even (*gasp*) enjoy it. But the meaning you ascribe to it is a choice you can make. So instead of "Don't think about your weight" (hard to ignore if it keeps you from mobility) maybe better to say, "Think differently about your size." Using race as an analogy again (sorry, T.) -- being racist and noticing race are different things: I am aware of people's race much of the time. I just don't attach any significant meaning to it: beyond a generally darker skin pigment, there's no assumptions I am qualified to make about who's inside--- ditto for a fat one. And I don't allow people to make such generalizations about me, either. I'm actually going to have a very hard time "letting go" of my size. It's something I worked to love, and very much part of everything I am. The fat girl taught me a lot of things I couldn't have known any other way. But just as I learned to embrace her, so too will I have learn to embrace the empty skin, the change of shape, the loss of softness. I'll do the work, because I'm worthy of the result.

Snuggles -- You have been hiding your light under a bushel girlfriend.  Who knew you were so wise and profound???  I'm just loving this thread and the things that are being said.  Very thought provoking.  Acceptance.  It took me decades to accept and love myself as a Black girl/woman in an anti-Black society.  But, I did it, and what a relief it was.  I haven't fully gotten to the place where I can fully accept being fat in an anti-fat society, but I'm moving towards that.  Accepting the size that you are now, this minute, no matter what that size may be is truly a goal worth striving towards.

Snuggle and Shari, you are awesome ladies.

(what is SPF?) Wow!  GREAT post!  It is so important to remember that we are all being flim flammed by the media...by now most everyone knows that even those Cosmo girls don't look like the pitcures of themselves in real life! Brooke Shields said nearly every picture of her ever taken had the thighs lengthened and the arms elongated. It is a standard that can never be for most women!  Most of the TV-style gorgeous women I know don't do ONE thing to look that way...they were blessed and born with that. Most of them don't even workout!  My self love came one day when I was 190 ish and crying one day over how when I was 150 how beautiful i looked..ironically...when I was 150, I wanted to be 120. FINALLY it hit me...I would NEVER be happy unless I chose it THIS INSTANT. That moment changed my self impression. For me, when I see a pciture of myself rarely do i like that picture.  When I put it down and come back to it, my view changes. I realized my eyes go to the spots I hate..my upper arms, my gut, etc. Somehow when I go back and look, I am looking at me in perspective of the people or things around me.  Again, the men I like are not the GQ types, i love most varieties of men...tall & skinny, shorter with a beer belly, etc.  What gets me is *that look* in his eyes. The one that says let's have fun.  Newsflash:  men are the same way...they look for the fun factor and confidence.  I try to keep that look in my eye, do my best every day with how I look, not for the world, but for ME<----   I am happily married & would never cheat, but never do I want to let go of my (albeit perceived) sexual attractiveness!  It will keep my DH on his toes, help him feel proud of me and keep those home fires burning.  I also like it in other women, the ones who have the button up collars and the sensible shoes just ain't my kind of gal. heavier ladies should wear clothes that are tailored and are close to the body...trust me the big baggy look makes one look even more huge.  Wonderful post!!!! It's should not be so hard to feel self love.