My second fill

My second fill was on Monday, 07/23.  I feel absolutely no difference.  I'm up to 7cc's in my 10cc VG band.  Actually, the band can hold a maximum of 11cc's, but 10 is recommended.  I can still eat a horse.  I'm getting no god damn help from this friggin' band.  You don't know how much I'm second guessing my decision for band surgery over RNY.  I would have lost like 50lbs by now if I had a gastric bypass.  Granted I'd have to pay the price of poor health side effects, knowing my luck, but still - I'd get some friggin' results. 

Yes I've lost some weight with this damn thing inside me, but I honestly feel like I'm losing it all from my own dieting.  From eating properly and making good choices.  I don't snack on cookies, I'll eat a Kashi bar.  Granted, I just ate Taco Bell (I know, I suck) but still - I think I'm losing this weight because of my own strength.

I'm so frustrated.  Why the f*ck did I have this surgery if it's not going to help me?  When is this damn band going to kick it into gear and hold it's own?  I posted on the lapband board my frustrations and everyone just tells me to hang in there, and I know that's what I have to do, but I'm so frustrated with myself. GRRRR!!!

'nina-- I hear you, girl. I was so afraid that'd be me-- was part of why I made the RNY choice after all--- I started out bound and determined to be a Bandster. I think a lot of SMO people have the problems you're describing, and it's got to be frustrating as hell. Might take a while for your nerve endings to catch up and tell you that you're full. Until then, see what happens if you kick start the metabolism and move a little more. I know you hate exercise as much as I do, but it's probably better for you in the long run to jump in and help control your body when the damn appliances don't work as you hoped they might, right? Take it by the reins, sugar.

Yeah, I need to move my ass, I just can't stand it.  I hate being the fatest girl in the club.  I hate feeling like people are questioning whether or not I'm going to break the treadmill.  I hate the skinny youngster boys that stare at me while I walk back to the locker room  - they make it so blatant.  The whole experience of going to the gym with absolutely no self confidence is so f*cking traumatic, that I feel like it's just not worth it.  Christ my eyes are welling up just thinking about how it makes me feel - I'm so f*cking pathetic.  Shari, I am just at an ultimate low right now.  So much of my hope was on this second fill.  I kinda knew the first fill wouldn't do much, but the second one I thought I'd feel.  And nothing.  Not one bit. 

I made an appointment for a third fill on August 13th.  Some how, I know that won't make a difference either.

Have you asked your surgeon about this? I mean what does he have to say?

About my lack of restriction, just that I need another fill and come in asap to get one (first appt to fit my schedule isn't until Aug. 13th.)  About my lack of willingness to exercise, nothing, because it's never come up.

Janina,  I have to agree with Shari about the gym thing....  do not let them idiots who are soo self absorbed they cannot see past their steroid injected biceps... intimidate you....  I go to the gym during lunch at work... and I STOMP my 283 pounds on the treadmill for 30 minutes... and do not give a "blank" who is looking... because it is about me... not them!!!   It is about YOU!!!!  Do not let them stop you from being the best you!!!!

I think I might.  I almost never take my hour lunch break, but I can drive down the road to my gym and get my fat ass on a treadmill.  The gym is less crowded during the day.  

YOU GOT IT GIRL... Thats why I go during lunch!! 1.  Hardly no body there 2.  Get my choice of machines 3.  Watch part of my soap opera during workout 4.  Get iworkout out of  the way for the day 5.  Helps the rest of the day go by faster.... 6.  Rejuvenates energy for 2nd part the day

STRONG LANGUAGE ALERT! You know what, Janin **** those idiots at the club. Seriously. They don't have to live in your body, and if you let them keep you home, then you're giving them too much power-- you're making THEM your captors. You're tougher than that and you know it. Do not let ANYONE-- especially some ****headed musclebound imbeciles-- make you feel unworthy of the healthy exercise your body needs. And I am not some bubble-headed lightweight saying this-- I was a 368 pound cellulite addled middle aged woman whose belly rested on her thighs. Also-- if the gym really scares you, walk. And if that upsets you because people are walking, walk at night. Get an MP3 player, shut the *******s out , and walk powered by indignation and purpose.  YOU need to take control--- when parents feed you to reward you, when doctors don't give you what you thought you needed, when letting things be doesn't get you what you need, you'll have to amp up and TAKE the health that's rightfully yours. don't let anyone-- even your own doubt-- rob you of your future.

****Hive five to Shari****   That's right!!!