Update - to Oh Mother.... geesh from 7/17

Okay... I broke down and decided... I need to talk to my mother about the way she has been making me feel with her comments......   She stated that her intentions were not to hurt me... but to get my not to where my close too tight and not look like a slob.... I am thinking wait a minute...I buy stuff that fits for my body type...   Now just to give you an idea on my build I am 5'8 with a long waist and short legs....  It is a headache to shop in the first place.   I never wear my shirts tucked in because I have a pannis (how embarrassing to say)   But here in Texas.... there are plenty... and I do mean plenty of plus size stores that sell the latest and trendy fashion for the thicke ladies...  Avenue, Ashely Stewart, even Macy's and JC Penny's have nice womens selections... Hell ..you can even get a cute out fit from Wal-Mart for plus size if you go on the right side of town... so I think I do pretty good.    I'll post an avatar once I get my nerve up.... But at anyrate... I work in the public conducting trainings and ALWAYS dress professionally.  I am well aware of my limitations and play up my positive attributes.   I do not wear clothes where you can see my  "beauty humps" aka love handles, busting out all over the place...... And if I feel uncomfortable in something I am not wearing it ....period....  I am NOT the one that tries to wear things that are obviously way to small for me....    Then my mother went on the tell me how concerned she was with my weight... and said "I want to see you smaller"   then she went into how she lost her weight, which was not all that healthy (fasting, eating one meal a day, etc.)  I just looked at her... as she went on an on about how she did it and I can do it....   Then she stated that she and my G-pop had a long converstion about my weight.... which was news to me... because when we were at  the the family reunion, my G-pop, said I was beautiful and stay the way I was...  Then the ultimate "You need not be so sensitive... I am just trying to help you"  That was hard for me to believe... because there were no words of encouragement only criticism... The visit concluded.. she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek... but I still felt bad and felt like nothing was accomplished.....   Thanks for reading....

Oh Diva, I'm so sorry it didn't go well.  When your mom mentioned you being a slob (quite a smack in the face with that one), did you tell her that wasn't true and why?  I mean come on...if you feel uncomfortable wearing tight clothes and don't want to emphasize your beauty humps then she should understand and be supportive.  I completely agree with you there, I don't like to emphasize my many beauty humps either and wear loose tops.  Nothing at all wrong with how you dress. How she lost her weight was NOT healthy.  Did you tell her that?  I can't blame you if you didn't say anything as from the sounds of it, she isn't being a very supportive person right now.   Don't let her put you down.  You've lost weight, you're making good healthy choices for yourself, and you are continuing to work toward a healthier YOU.  She is completely wrong about her sensitivity crack.  When those you love put you down, it HURTS!!!!!  They are supposed to help support you, not try and tear down your self-esteem in the name of LOVE. Sending you hugs and support and a little bit of advice to think about.  If your mom decides to take this "stance" and it makes you feel bad about yourself, maybe you need to limit contact with her for awhile.  You need to think of yourself right now and it's hard to be around toxic people. Melinda

Hey Melinda,  Thank you so much... I did not comment on anything she said... I just looked at her like this----> Because I could not even believe it ws coming from her mouth...  The slob comment hurt like hell... because I refuse to accept that... Hell she is the one that showed me how to exentuate what I had.... now I am a slob...  I really feel like she is again caught up in her success that she cannot "hear the words coming outta her mouth"   I am just going to lay low for a bit... right now I am just focusing on the support I get here and from my hubby.....  I need steeping stools, not stumbling blocks... and I hate to say it.. but Mama ain't right...  and it hurts...  I am the only child.. .I have no siblings or even any close cousins to talk to about this journey... so I expected more from her as my mother... but what can I say.   I'll just pick up my face, clear off the dust.. re apply war paint keep on keeping on! Thank YOU for the encouragement and support Melinda

Awww Diva, I'm so sorry this continues to happen.   Ya know, she may NEVER get it!  Just keep building your support out of friends, this board ect...and she IS who she IS...Maybe tell her that talking about anyone's  weight is off limits, and find another subject to focus on.  You will prob. feel stronger the more you lose in a healthy manner.  The way she has lost does not sound like it is sustainable.  We are here for you!

Thank you!!! 

well, ya did the best ya could. Let her ruminate on it for a few days, who knows, maybe she will actually apologize.  I am a mom of an overweight daughter.  In fact both of my girls have been pretty heavy at certain times, esp after babies. One of them would try very hard, like getting up with me at dawn to go walking, buy caloire counting books, etc.... The other girl...well lets just say she is a walking disaster.  She buys Little debbies, she drinks giant full leaded cokes at the corner grocery, no way will she walk.  She really does dress like a slob, men's way too big tee shirts, elastic waist shorts that are way too big, she does not try at all. Doesn't do her hair, no makeup, man alive. She has always been on the depressive side, married to man who does not do much for her ego, either. Always picking on her. yet... It is so hard for me to TAPE my mouth shut to her. I only tell you this because as a mom, you do care and you are only human, so it is easier said than done to shut up when it will do more harm than good.  I can only add that if mom talks to you again about this, just point out all the things you do to be presentable and work toward your health. Let her know it is a slow process and she can help by talking up the good points, bot the bad ones, that you are only too painfully aware.  i think you did well, though!

Thanks Neecee,  And I understand.. of course you want the best for you kids and want them to excel in all things even the way they carry themselves.. I can respect that...  Maybe I could review it as my mother being concerned.... .... Uhmmmph... she never came at me like that before.. so I am not sure.... all I know is it hurts....  I have not called her... I am  gonna let her doing the reaching out... for a little bit because... I am still upset about our exchange.... she is my mother and I know she is the only one I'll ever have... but at this time... I need a little piece of space to regroup from her comments... Thanks for the support!

The other girl...well lets just say she is a walking disaster.  She buys Little debbies, she drinks giant full leaded cokes at the corner grocery, no way will she walk.  She really does dress like a slob, men's way too big tee shirts, elastic waist shorts that are way too big, she does not try at all. Doesn't do her hair, no makeup, man alive. Wow, Neecee that sounds just like my daughter!  Mine works in a resturant so she can't wear make-up at work cause it just sweats off, but anytime she is off work, she has on a pair of pj pants that she walks on the bottom (hem) of. She gets mad if I ask her to put on jeans before we go out.

Awww geezus girl... When will this woman get the hint??!? Maybe you should just lay it out for her the next time she says something to you that's hurtful.  Like "Ma, I didn't need that".  Maybe then she'll see her patterns of painful remarks?  I'm sorry Chicky.  We're here for you.

I have not  anidea... I think my mother is aborbed in her own weight loss right now.... so there she can stay.. I'll get with her when my REAL mother comes back.....  But the next time she makes a comment.... If I do not leaver her standing where she is at.... I may just let her know aloud that her comment is not necessary... make all the people looking at me then look at her.... vindictive I know...I ought be shame...