My breaking point....

Well I am about to admit alot of things right now, why? Probably to make me feel better. Yesterday, I woke up got ready because I was heading to the mall with my younger brother to help him pick out something for his girlfriends birthday. Before I left the house about 11:30ish I ate a SOuth Beach bar. I got to my parents house and proceeded to eat a brownie my dad baked the night before. My brother and i left went to the mall then around 3:30 4 o clock we went out to the Chinese Buffet that serve Crab legs which I LOVE crab and they have alot of stuff i mean it s a buffet, so ofcourse I eat ALOT. So him and i go back home to my parents, I then ate another brownie!!! Went back to my place about 7:30 Why I do this I am not sure because HELLO I just ate a **** load of greasy chinese. I order a small stromboli with pepperoni, sausage and mushroom and an order of crazy bread with ranch sauce from Little Caesars. I then proceed to eat the entire stromboli and bread! WTF I never do that. So the night goes on I head to bed at about midnight. 4:30am I wake up because I have to pee and my stomach I mean is killing me I am lying there debating on getting up to use the bathroom but finally I am like omg I am going to hurl. I went pee, then sat on the floor by the toliet, just in pain. Finally it happend, there it is all the stromboli. I have not puked since my 18th birthday when I drank WAY too much. So I sat there and just cried because I wasn't sick or had any food poisening I had eaten WAY too much grease, way too much fat, just in general WAY too much food for my stomach to handle. I am ashamed, today my stomach is still sick feeling and I am just going to baby my water all day. But I never want to go through that again.  I was watching a show last night on TLC Something called....I eat 33,000 calories..something like that and that's how I feel. I don't eat as much as they do not even close but still I feel their pain. Even though one woman her son goes out and buys the food, damnit the son needs to QUIT BUYING THE BAD STUFF! Hello, she doesn't go out anyways he can stop it and help her!

I've been there, C, on the floor by the toilet crying. Felt that shame, for the exact same reasons.  All i can say is.. have a plan...call some body, walk outside, do anything but be alone with food.  Doubtful this will happen for a while,but still, have a plan in mind.  Blessings to you, sweetie.

Don't feel ashamed. I think it's a blessing in disguise. Do you want to know what kickstarted my current weight loss after years of really bad DAILY binges and denial? I threw up for the first time in forever and even missed a day of work. I woke up at about 1 a.m. and barfed up the grossest looking barf, and even had pieces of burrito coming out of my nose. (Food poisoning, probably.) I **** you not! I know that is DISGUSTING, but the amazing thing was that I remembered what food turns into. I thought, "This is what I'm living my life for?" It was great! I still haven't been back to the restaurant though. I watched that show too last night. 2nd time I've seen it. Very sad :(

Hey Christa,  Girl keep your head up... I think we have all broke down and just got glutten with our eating.... I know I have..  Just drink your water like you have planned and try to flush out your system.    Hope you feel better!

Thanks girls. That incident made me snap back into reality. Thank you Neecee, I knew you had gone through this before. It was awful. I really don't have anyone to turn too...well I could probably call Chris, because everyone around me has NO idea what I do to myself, what my problems are. They just see me and my personality, this is kind of like my deep dark secret I hide from everyone except on here.  Sonora, thank you. Yes it was the grossest thing to see what came up. I walked into work today and a co worker of mine he had stromboli on friday and he was warming it up for breakfast..eh breakfast I could smell it and wanted to be sick. I don't think I am ever going to eat stromboli again! Ick. Diva, thank you, I will keep my head up. And I will be flushing my system so I can start new. :)

Hey Christa, I completely understand what you went through as I've done that before.  I haven't puked, but my stomach has hurt so much I think that would have been a relief.  And as for feeling icky the next day, YUP.  Maybe this is a blessing in disguise...your breaking point as you say.  Seeing what you DON'T want to happen...a push in the right direction. I know it's easy to say, but don't be so hard on yourself.  Many of us have been there and understand.  Don't punish yourself any more.  It's a new day and a new chance to feel better and make better choices.  I'm one of those people who thinks the glass is always half full...can ya tell I hope you feel better soon and remember we're here for you if you need to talk. Melinda

Thank you Melinda. It just made me realize that I was getting worse because that had never happened to me before when I have binged.

Giiiiiirrrrrrlllllll!!  What you doin'??????!!!  Don't you know `dem chinese ppl put stuff in their food to make you go wacko and binge!!???  Seriously I had to quit eating buffet chinese food though. I don't know what it is about that stuff but it makes me feel horrible and want to eat more. It's insane.  I don't really think it has anything to do with it but still it does seem to alter my state of mind.  I know we've all been at that place where we KNOW too much is WAYYY to friggin much.  I, like others here, have wanted to throw-up just to get the pain out of my stomach.  It's probably a good thing I didn't because I could really see that leading down a bad, bad, horrible road to a much worse eating disorder.  I'm glad you realize what you are doing to yourself and that you desire to not do it again.  I've never been one for the whole AA/OA sponsor thing but the next time you feel out of control you just call me and we can talk to help get your mind off it.  This compulsion we have is such a strong thing.  I can't explain why we do it or how to fix it but I know there has to be an answer out there. I also know that answer is not in surgery. (as bad as I want to believe it is.) The Overcoming Overeating book will be in soon enough.  Perhaps we can both find some enlightenment in it and apply it to our lives so we can finally get through this.  Others have done it.. so can we.  I want to be healthy and energetic and I damn well know you do too so let's just do it! Lean on meeeee, wheeeen you're not stroooonnnngggg.. I"ll be your friend...to help you carrrryyyy oooonnnn!     

Christa: I know that greasy feeling. It just sits on your stomach and you don't know whether its a numba 2 or a vomit alert. Captain D's, KFC, and Lay's plain potato chips will make me sick like that within hours of eating them. I don't consume them because of this.  You know I've had days like that where you just eat and eat..You are cognisant of what you are doing, but you can just cannot stop for anything to save your life. I'm still trying to find out how to deal with this too. Hope the rest of the day and week.. is good for you. -Bud

Thank you Bud. One of these days we will figure it out, or you know maybe not. We will just have to try harder to control it. I hope your week goes good too!