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I'm totally addicted to food and addicted to feeling full. I have no idea what being not-addicted feels like.  I'm a total piggy and I hate it.  Even with this damn band, I ate 20 chicken nuggets and a large fry today.  This band does not stop me.  I need a fill - bad.  I want to cry!! :(   

Oh Janina, I'm sorry that you are feeling down.  I was wondering how your band was doing because you haven't said much about since your last fill.  From what I've been reading it seems that sometimes it takes a while to get the right level of restriction.  Sometimes it takes a couple of fills to get it just right.  Have you scheduled your next fill yet?

yeah, janina, I second that...you will find your groove, baby.  Stick with the knowledgeable ones at LB board , and do the best you can.

Next fill is on Monday and I'm going to complain to my doctor like a crying baby, that this f*cking band isn't working. 

I feel for ya girl. Hang in there!  I can imagine how you feel.  I know if I had WLS I would want some type of instant gratification from the surgery.  Having to go through 3 or 4 fills before restriction would probably drive me insane.. But you're a LOT stronger than me and you'll get through this!

I am new to this site and I was wondering how you all deal with or really have to deal with people and family ridiculing you about your weight? Also, how do you deal with it, because it has put me in a major depression. Is that normal? I appreciate any answers, I sure do feel lonely in the area of weight because everyone around me is slim, and the topic with them is always about fat, weight, and food.  I do not know if I am just oversensitive to the subject but my husband does not understand, and his family always makes remarks like his Mother said to me one time I was in the hospital about to give birth she said; "I am sure that my children are not fat." I was really hurt to say the least. Thanks, Jenni

Hang in there, Janina. You will find your Happy Place with the band and do great. Neecee: No argument here. I am addicted to food. Absolutely.

I didn't realize how compulsively I was eating until I stopped eating as I had. On the few "splurges" I allowed, I discovered that my relationship with food has forever changed. It used to be a splurge like shopping is for some. I would reward myself for a hard day's work with as much of whatever I wanted when I came home-- then feel horrribly sedated and unable to do housework, hobbies, or projects. Then I used it to celebrate weekends or to pass time with SigOt, (who is not a big talker, but like me loves a nice platre of carbs.) This got worse last year as his family problems increased-- since I was powerless to change the situation, I ate more to stifle and dull my feelings that terrorists were destroying our relationship and all I could do was watch. I gained 18 pounds-- and he gained 50.

When I had a burger and onion rings, or rich italian food (like my "last supper") on my planned binges, I found I no longer felt rewarded-- I felt like I was slipping. Piles of melty cheese made my nose run. Fullness made me feel immobile and sluggish. If I hadn't immediately gone into my pre-op liquids from there, I am not sure I could have gotten back on the wagon, though-- the urge to eat was still there, even knowing it didn't buy me what it used to. Right now, of course, I haven't had real food in 16 days, and won't for 10 more. Honestly it's been something of a relief. Oddly, I can watch other people eat and love watching Paula Dean dip peanut butter logs in chocolate on the TV, but don't miss what it gives me. It's kind of like how some men like to ogle tarty chicks with big hooters, but marry one who can help through life--- my head will always turn, but I know the lifestyle is too high cost and high maintenance to maintain. I don't have bitterness that others can have this or that but I can't-- I literally ate every single thing I wanted for 40 years--- who gets to do that? I just developed this allergy that makes me break out in painful amounts of lumpy fat. No point being bitter about it. Whether it's an addiction or not means nothing to me. I often believe that the idea of declaring something an addiction is to decrease the pressure on its owner by saying, "It's not your fault-- this compulsion is stronger than you are." While I am sure that offers relief to some, it takes both power and control from the person struggling-- and right now, I need to be accountable-- because if *I*, and not an addiction-- am to blame, then there's hope that *I* can get it into perspective and serve myself better. While I know it's helpful to some to say, "This is bigger than you-- offer it up to God" is very soothing to some, it doesn't get me where I need to be.  

"Whether it's an addiction or not means nothing to me. I often believe that the idea of declaring something an addiction is to decrease the pressure on its owner by saying, "It's not your fault-- this compulsion is stronger than you are." While I am sure that offers relief to some, it takes both power and control from the person struggling-- and right now, I need to be accountable-- because if *I*, and not an addiction-- am to blame, then there's hope that *I* can get it into perspective and serve myself better. While I know it's helpful to some to say, "This is bigger than you-- offer it up to God" is very soothing to some, it doesn't get me where I need to be." Shari, this states what I couldn't put into words myself.  That's why I can't get behind saying that I'm addicted to food.  Saying that would take away my power and control.  I don't believe that anything or anybody can change my behavior but me.  I overate consistently and I got fat.  I did it and I own it.  Only I have the power to change my behavior.  If I maintain the weight, I've done it on my own.  If I lose the weight, I've done it on my own.  I am the only power that has control over my behavior. 

This is where the rivers meet;  we MUST take personal responsibility no matter if we view it as an addiction/compulsion/obsession or a simpler case of I just overeat every chance I get no matter the consequences. Each of us, no matter how we view the why must get to this place:  get a plan and make it happen. I know that viewing it as addiction/compulsion/obsession helps me to go easier on myself.  Otherwise, i personally would be down on myself a lot more than I am.  In my case, my abnormal view of food is very likely rooted in my family's presentation and delivery of my food or possibly a genetic proclivity (all four of my normal sibs have either bulimic or anorexic tendencies - that was no accident).  I choose not to whine about it and own it from the moment I left that childhood home. I fell into the "confines" of this state of being with my food intake, and I myself climbed out when I felt I crossed into insanity.  I liked this discussion! It ends up at the same place, but how we each got here is fascinating to me.