big medicine - grr

okay so i'm jus****ching big medicine from this week on DVR and its interesting because for the first time, they have someone who is more than 6 months out who has been a "success" and had all her plastic surgery etc and is having problems with dating, relationships etc. she is i think 30 and never dated or kissed or whatever until she was 29 after all her surgeries - she had GBS 3 years ago. so she has been talking with the therapist about fat girl  mentality, still seeing herself as fat, not knowing how to relate to others as a "normal" person.  anyway what pissed me off was that then they show the therapist going to talk to the surgeons about some of these psychological issues and it was like they had never heard or them or thought about them. they see someone who had lost weight and deem them tremendously successful. why aren't they more aware of these issues and all the psychological and emotional complexities involved in being overweight? i think the issues are even bigger for those who have grown up overweight and missed out on so much (especially dating/relationships). of course i related to this story because it is my story. no dating, no anything until after i started losing weight. my first kiss turned into a two year relationship. i didn't go on a "date" until after we broke up. i was 26. been 2 years since the breakup and its stil not comfortable and i haven't been in another long term relationship since that first one. it just amazes me since many people on this site are always railing on the BM therapist for bringing up psychological issues as part of who should get approval and all that and she is basically always blown off by the doctors and everyone gets surgery anyway. i really wish more people talked about the emotional transition of losing weight and developing a new identity and ways of relating.  thanks for listening to my rant and pity party for myself.

Andy -- I'm not surprised by the attitudes of the surgeons on BM.  I think most doctors have tunnel vision.  Surgeons think about cutting and not much else.  The surgeons on BM are no different, they are bariatric surgeons, the problem is obesity and they go in and cut out the problem.  All they care about is whether or not the surgery was a success.  It's not surprising to me that they don't really consider the emotional issues of their patients. Same thing with the people on this site.  They are obese and they want to cut out (or at least rearrange) the source of their immediate problem, and that's what most are focused on.  Most don't really much care about what underlying issues they may have that caused them to become obese or what problems they will still have to contend with once they lose massive amounts of weight.

Tali's reply is exactly what concerns me so much about Chris talking about having wls

I think most of you misunderstand my position on WLS.  I do not believe that WLS will solve all of my problems.  Nor do I believe being skinny will solve my problems. I am fully aware, now, that I have underlying issues. In fact, Andrea helped me to come to that understanding.  I used to think that it was my obesity that caused my problems.  I'm sure that it does have an effect on some things.. like self-esteem for example.. But being obese doesn't cause me to keep stuffing myself beyond recognition. There's something else at play.  But, I digress.. WLS for me is the equivalent to rehab for the crack addict or steel sleeves for a heroin addict.  Does it fix the emotional attachment to eating?  No, but it will stop me from "shooting up" long enough that I can focus on my underlying emotional issues. Could I do that without WLS.  Absolutely I could. I could go see a psych doc and work through my issues..  But do I really believe that will work for me??  No I don't... I believe any progress I make with the doc will be clouded by 2000 calories in that nights dinner.  That being said I believe the WLS will give me a break so I can focus on fixing my issues.  WLS is a drastic change... no doubt..   Drastic is what I beileve will work for me.    Hopefully that cleared things up a bit.. If not..  well..  give me time.. :)

Hi Chris, I now understand your position on WLS.  I don't agree with it, but who cares.  You have convinced me that you firmly believe that you won't be able to stop your eating behavior without WLS.  You said in another post that you believe in the laws of attraction -- so do I.  And If you firmly believe that nothing but WLS will work for you, then nothing else will.  With that statement I say go for it, pusue WLS with a vengence.  My hope for you is that while you are pursuing WLS, which I understand can take up to a year or more, that you take the time to get your body in the best shape you can get it in so that your surgery and recovery go as smoothly as possible.

Oh trust me, I plan to keep working at this on my own while pursuing WLS. That will only make things easier for me when I do have surgery.  Who knows.. during the time I may even decide to kick WLS and go at it alone.  We shall see. :)

i understand  and empathize perfectly your position. i just think you can do it on your own. attitude has so much to do with it. if you don't think you can, then you won't.  something about what you said really made something we talked a lot about when i worked on the crisis line pop into my head regarding suicide. we always say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem (acute distress). i guess that WLS is similarly permanent and the problem (with binge eating, controlling eating, motivation to exercise) is a temporary problem due to curent life stress, inadequate coping skills and unresolved emotional issues. not drawing any parallel between suicide and WLS, just something that popped in my head....

I wouldn't say you are completely off the mark in drawing a parallel between the two.  Sure, something about suicide is a lot more 'finite' than WLS.. :) However, most uneducated people's view of WLS is that it is a panacea, a quick fix to their obesity problem. I imagine that most suicidal individuals feel exactly the same way.  I imagine they too know that they can see a doctor for thier emotional problems but don't really think it will work for them...but they know suicide will.  So while the two are quite different, there are some similarities.

But, just let me clarify one thing.  If someone suffers life threatening conditions because they are obese, I say to hell with all the psycho-babble.  Help these people live through WLS and then deal with the psychological issues.  I'm making this point because I'm not too impressed with the psychologist/psychiatrist on BM.  Quite frankly, some times she gets on my nerves.  When she was evaluating Marc, who has a multitude of co-morbiditis and is hundreds of pounds overweight and obviously won't last long without WLS, she recommended that he be denied because he had so many emotional issues.  Among other things she feared that he would substitute one addiction (food) with another (alchohol) -- although he did not have a current alcohol problem.  I agree with her on one level because it was obvious to me that the man has serious emotional issues.  But, good grief, for people like Marc I say get them some help damnit and deal with the other stuff later.