donna...and thoughts for the compulsive types...

Your post made me ponder how hard I am on myself with my daily food.  I realized that almost NEVER do i think I did a perfect job with my intake for that day. Or even simply did not think about it at all.  Here are the types of things I persecute myself for:  I either took "one more bite" of something...or took a fat french fry...or took a second helping.  When I say i am near normal now, I mean that I can finally turn that stinkin' thinkin' into exactly what it is:  an irrational thought.  one question:  are we simply perfectionists who when we aren't perfect react in self destructive ways (for us it is food abuse)?  another:  how often do you lay in bed and wish you had eaten differently?

Neece, I think you are right about the first question. I think we usually give it an "all or nothing" approach when it comes to dieting and exercising and when we can't balance on that very fine line, we feel like failures and react in the self-destructive ways. "well, I've already eaten 3 cookies, I might as well give up, I knew I couldn't control myself" I am very rarely happy about my daily calorie intake. If I actually do good with my calories, then I am picking on something else... like damn, I didn't eat enough protein today or I didn't get enough fiber today, etc.

I try to think that this journey of weight loss is like riding a bike... sure, I'm gonna fall every once in awhile, even when I get close to my goal, but I just have to get up, dust myself off and get back on my bike. I'm not going to get to my goal if I just sit idly by when I fall.

The all or nothing mentality is sure to kill us eventually.  Gosh, I can't begin to tell you the things I obsess about with my food intake.  Yes, like you I obsess about that one french fry or the one more bite.  I don't look back on the days of past where I would eat a bag of french fries and not only second helpings but cleaning out the pots after everyone had left the kitchen after dinner!!!! I believe that I am a perfectionist that pretty much falls short of the goal.  Not that it is a bad thing but heck nobody is perfect.  For us now, control comes with being on top of our weight, micromanaging every step of the process.  I think for many of us we see that obsessive behavior leaking into our lives in the way we keep our homes, work, bills etc. Every day I end the day wishing I could have done better, felt "hungry" more and just was more perfect.

 

Neecee, you hit the nail right on the head.  People have told me many times that I'm a perfectionist, and for some reason I shy away from that assessment.  But, in my heart of hearts, I know it's true.  We all have to just relax, take it easy on ourselves, give ourselves a damn break and stop taking ourselves so seriously.  I am so happy I found this board. Okay, I'm off to get those wings I've been talking about all week.

Neecee I have to say that yes I am a perfectionist ( but I don't think it is "simply perfectionist" though) and fall miserably when I give in to something.  I use to be worse when I was younger and have learned over the years to let a few things slide.  But when it comes to me, I can beat myself up pretty bad.  I guess I am easier to beat up on.  I think in the past what really set me up to fail is the all or nothing attitude.  That is one thing I am going to have to really work on if I am going to succeed with changing my  lifestyle and learning to eat more healthy. I don't think I really obsess about what I have eaten or could have done different when I lay in bed as far as food.  What runs through my mind is the events of the day, or what I need to do tomorrow.  Not all the time, but it is a major reason for my insomnia.

one question:  are we simply perfectionists who when we aren't perfect react in self destructive ways (for us it is food abuse)?  I'm not sure if it's that we're perfectionists or that we are too involved in not loving ourselves and this is just another way to mistreat ourselves.  Many of us simply do NOT like ourselves.  And that will defeat us every single time. another:  how often do you lay in bed and wish you had eaten differently? I am approaching this differently this time.  I am better with CLEAR-CUT boundaries.  Now this may sound STUPID, but it's a way I can show myself that I do care.  How is this, you ask (or perhaps you didn't but I'm gonna tell you anyway...hehe...coz that's just how I am!)?  I am going to eat every two to two and a half hours because it absolutely stokes my metabolism!  I'm going to eat things I really like that are healthy for me with one of my treats being just that...a piece of chocolate, for me.  I'm going to eat no more than 8 bites per meal/snack.  In doing this...I will choose the MOST delectable pieces of food from my plate.  Because I deserve this kind of self-care! 

I know for me i have not forgiven myself over some things in my life (putting up with abuse in another life), and that did not help me love myself. In my childhood, i felt i could never please my parents and felt shame from that. The great thing about aging is now when I think of people who make me feel icky I now say $%#& them and the horse they rode in on. Then I take a deep breath..and get back to my own beeswax. I love to think that I am finally nuturing "me" now for once in my life by doing all these things. Like you, I also require confines of clear cut boundaries. I'm actually probably obessive compulsive more than I am anything. When I used to over eat, baby i did it good. I now have a passel of rules for my best case daily health:  exercise at least 5x weekly, ideally every single day move to some degree, map out lean proteins/veggies/fruits to eat every day, with all meals, extra foods, like you a bite limit, etc.

Aaayyyyeeee!!!!  I gotta go see a therapist!!!       Am I a perfectionist???  In many things I am I suppose but yet I never seem to find perfection and I end settling or not finishing the job because I become overwhelmed trying to make things perfect?  Does that even make sense?  The task at hand has a perfect ending and I start strong but things become blurry and I can't see the final product or the path to get there?    Okay Neecee, no more of these questions that make me think....cuz now I'm starting to think that I have mental issues that are causing me to overeat not that my overeating is causing my mental issues!  I hate the way I look and I am definitely my worst critic....but yet I sit here drinking my 200 calorie orange soda, the 2nd one for the day....... Is it really all that hard not to overdo it???  UGH!   

Hey Neecee, Unfortunately, I am the last person you would consider a perfectionist.  I kinda go with the flow.  So I normally I just eat destructively when I'm bored.   Eating a fry or a cookie doesn't usually set me off.  And, every once in a while I do go to bed and wish I had eaten differently.  Particularly these past three weeks becuase I have gained 2lbs.

BUT, here's what I think kicks me in the pants.

I am happy when people notice my weight loss.  I have worked hard, and I feel good.  But people can't just stop at "you look great" or "how'd you do it".   Always, ALWAYS, someone has to add, "keep up the good work" or "keep going, your looking great". 

And, I think to myself, isn't this good enough.  Could you not accept me at this weight? Why do you feel I need to keep losing more weight?  Now I know they didn't mean it that way. And ultimately, it's my thoughts abuot how I look and where I am that bring out that response.  It's just hard for me to tell people I am happy.  I am happy being a woman who is 216lbs.  Do I want to lose more weight, yes, and it is coming slowly and surely.  In the mean time, other people expect me to be someone I'm not or think I've jumped ship becuase, omg, I do eat fries or, yikes have the occassional, cookie.   Someone mentioned feeling normal.  That has been my goal all along.  Truthfully.  I finally feel normal, and if it weren't for this excess skin, I could stay at this weight and be happy.  I guess, I just wonder is it really that hard for someone who has not had weight issues to understand that I could be happy where I am, even though it's still considered fat? My challenge is to finally say, I don't care if I don't look like you want me too.  I am happy with who I am.  I'm almost there (excess skin removal in 15 days and counting!).  And I am very proud of myself for that because I was the biggest "yes" girl there was, trying to please everyone.  Now, I am finally begining to realize  I am the person I need to say yes to.  People treat you how you let them.  So to those who say keep going, I say, I am happy!

I am the person I need to say yes to.  Do I LOVE THAT!  And...in the past when I have lost weight, once in a while not many people will comment about it. So, this time now that I have dropped a good amount, it is interesting how many people still don't notice it.  More interesting is...i'm not sure i care.  I think/hope that this time i did it for me.  I mean, who doesn't like a nice compliment? But why do we care waht others think? And yeah...there is always the insinuation once in a while that you should keep going.