Practicing what I preach

hi Angela "mindless eating that I have a hard time controlling."  There it is, in one concise sentence.  Now the question is, how do we solve it.  LOL I know if we knew that we'd be rich!!!!  It was a rhetoric question.

Thanks for understanding, it is by far the most important reason for this board, to understand and to give that understanding to others.  Thank you!

Hi Donna, I am so glad you shared this with us.  I'm sure you may have read some of my "confessions".  I have lost 111 pounds and yet I too binge on food when I am not even hungry then try to justify it.  I saw me in your post.  I know that I will be weighing on the 3rd for the July 4th challenge and what do I do.  I start to pig out on cupcakes and dry cereal of all things.  Please know that I feel exactly as you do and I'm glad you shared your story.  Please don't cry.  I did eat better today but I"m still feeling guilty about what I ate yesterday.  When people ask me how I lost my weight I tell them all the good things I do.  They respond like wow you are so strong and focused.  Little do they know?  I have demons and they are donuts and cupcakes and sometimes anything within my reach.  I hope you feel better real soon and here's a hug from me to you. 

I thought of your confessions as I was writing mine.  When I read yours in the past I envied you for being able to say you screwed up, and then preparing to move on.  I practice such self-hate when I screw up that I tend to isolate and not want to share for fear of looking weak or fulfiling that belief that I just couldn't make it. 

I quit the 4th of July challenge because I actually GAINED weight.  I say accountability all the time and then I turn around and hide when it becomes too hard.  And it's like you said, it's almost like I self-sabotage myself when I KNEW I was doing this challenge.  How dang hard is it for godsakes?  As soon as I saw the first gain after the big loss, I just kind of quit!   i do the same thing when people ask me, and then I feel like a real farce when I know that I ate what I shouldn't have ate the day before.  And for some reason I still can't seem to get it under control.  Why is it so hard for me to eat just ONE cookie instead of 10?  if I ate the one cookie I might not have all this self-hatred. I am feeling better today and made it through the day yesterday pretty well.  I know that I have to stop beating myself up, but sometimes it's so hard.  Thank you for your post, it's always amazing to me that people truly know what i am feeing and I am thankful for this board!

Hi Donna, I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better today.  Today is a new day, heck it's a new month.  Yesterday and last week are nothing but memories, we've got a clean slate and get a fresh start.  Let's go girl!!

I can't say I know how you feel, because I have never lost over 100 lbs, but I have lost 60 before , and 30 before several times, and gained it all back.  I do know how you feel about feeling out of control.  I have been "On the wagon" for the last 2 weeks of my latest WW adventure.  I would like to get the Lapband, but who knows when Ins will approve???

I have been tracking my intake on Sparkpeople, and that does seem to make a difference to what I will eat.  Its all a head game, I know.   I have lost 20 lb in the last 3 yrs.  8.8 in the last 9 weeks with WW.  I had an icecream cone at DQ yesterday, but I counted it.  That is a step I never really explored.  I'd just eat.  Then not write it down.  If I did that there is no proof to show I was BAD.  Right??? I know my thinking is SICK,  SICK,  SICK.... I LOVE to eat.  But my health is disentigrating.  I have spent the last 11 yrs of my life living as someone with physical limitations.  I did have 2 orthopedic surgeries.  But all the things that were wrong are fixed now.  Being 100 lbs overweight is really what is making me live like an old grandma before I am one.  MAKE UP YOUR MIND AND JUST DO IT!!! NO wishy-washiness allowed.  Close the door and step away from the Fridge.!!! You have accomplished a task many many people only dream about.  Don't allow yourself to be tricked in to gaining even part of it back.   Because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Hi Babbs, I like that "don't let yourself be tricked into gaining it back."  That is so true, because what else are those headgames we play with ourselves but tricks?  When I am on my game I am stellar.  I feel great, I act great, I can do no wrong.  When I am feeling out of control I practice self-loathing, I'm edgy and I feel very down and depressed.  Sheesh, you'd think after what I just wrote I would really stop myself from entering the danger zone I will take control.  This is the first day of the challenge and I have done it before, and I will do it again.   Thank you for your post and for the thought provoking comments!

Hey Donna, glad you are feeling better. I have never lost the amount of weight that you have, so obviously I cannot quite relate on that level. But I can relate to the enduring compulsions, or obsession over minor food issues, the all or nothing attitude, because my weight gain never came from enjoying food too much...it came from binge eating. I am an all or nothing person if there ever was one. Only YOU know what is right for YOU, but one thing I can suggest is that if you can afford it - personally, or if your insurance situation allows - why not seek out another therapist? A lot of people fall into the trap of hating one person, a therapist or a trainer or a nutritionist, and swearing off the whole situation. I can tell you are an incredibly strong person, but exploring that outlet for support couldn't hurt...in my opinion. I believe most of us here have eating disorders that are chronic or semi-chronic, but ENTIRELY manageable with the right tools.