C'mon...everybody! Let's play!!!!

I'm thinking maybe someplace without people. Under a large rock, or perhaps a refrigerator box.

oh, I would hate to see you go, Shari. I can certainly understand that you percieve that after RnY you might not fit as well here. But i think when souls collide and gel, it's  a good thing. At least pop in and give a shout once in a while. You are a bright and shiny addition here. I would miss you lots.

The kinds of collisions I was having didn't allow me to gel, apparently. I'm okay with that-- just would rather focus on the positive and do the work that needs doing than annoy people on a space that wasn't created for people who feel as I do in the first place. Doesn't have much to do with RNY-- I just don't need the agita. In summation: I wasn't welcome in the size-conscious world because I was fat. I am no longer welcome in the world of "size-acceptance" because I cannot stay *this* fat. I am not comfortable on a board where many people think so much of  their value is in their looks-- to an extent they would mutilate their healthy bodies permanently. It's too shocking and depressing for me to even think about. It upsets me to my core. Thanks for the kind words.

Shari, I wish you wouldn't go, but understand why you feel it's right for you.  I hope you'll pop in from time to time.  I'm going to miss your whit, funny quips, and great advice you have given.  Plus, I tried your pizza suggestion the other night and YUM.  Would never have thought of that one on my own. I would agree that it is shocking how some value their looks.  I have also been surprised at how little some people have had to lose and go the WLS route.  Of course, I don't know the whole story so I don't comment.  I do get a tad irritated when I hear some people mention they want the surgery so they don't have to worry about their over eating and think this will FIX the problem.  For me, it's not about looks.  It's about being able to not step down and pop my knee due to my weight; being able to walk for 4 hours or more without getting sharp hip pain; being able to be HEALTHY; able to keep up with my DB and 10-year-old nephew; etc. etc.   I wish you well and hope your surgery and weight loss journey goes well.  You've been a great inspiration. Melinda p.s.  Maybe we could start our own online support group?????

Shari – I’m very sorry to hear that you may be leaving.  As you know, I only joined OH a couple of weeks ago, but I truly love reading your posts.  You have the uncanny ability to see things from many different perspectives.  You don’t want to have the surgery but feel that you have to have it in order to live.  So, even though you’re going to have WLS, you still feel very strongly about people taking such a risk with the surgery when they don’t really have to.  Since this particular forum is non-surgically inclined, I think your viewpoints fit right in whether before or after you have the surgery.  I appreciate all of your viewpoints and the way in which you express yourself.  You are intelligent, witty, articulate and have something to say, even though some may not want to hear it.  I can’t think of anything that you have said and I have read since I’ve been on this board that I don’t agree with in whole or in part.  So, please know that there are many here who appreciate you and support your outspokenness and honesty.

I suppose I am one of those people who  thinks value is in looks. As I said, these are not MY rules, girl, it's this society.  I hate it too. I really do. I'm just playing the game.  Are my looks my total value?  Of course not. I'll never win anyone's beauty contest, even if I got to goal weight and had any level of plastic surgery.  I just want to look in the mirror most days and not cringe. I know that I am the "same person" deep down no matter what the scale says or my panty line shows. All I want to do it make the package more appealing. I feel blessed in so many ways to have been fat, as well as to have been merely average in looks...I have had to develop my spirit and personality and improve my intellect every step of the way. Certainly NOT to insinuate that a beautiful skinny lady did not have to do that also. Being beautiful and skinny has its downsides too! I'm not sure there is ever true size acceptance in this environment.  I've grown into myself at long last. What I think matters most; I know that I have more confidence when my weight is at a more mainstream level. Is that so bad to admit out loud? (not asking you  specifically, Shari, just having a soliliquoy (sic) thang going here.

just hate to see you go.  I love to argue, I prefer the term debate - it is fun and inspiring to me. I would not like to think I have offended along this path.  I try not to.

I'm with you Neecee, I looovve a good debate, and as far as I'm concerned, Shari is the president of the debate team. Yes, unfortunately we live in a society that values beauty over just about anything (with the exception of money), and it's hard not to buckle under the pressure.  My goal is to get to a place where I'm pleased with the way that I look and, more importantly, I'm healthy.

"I suppose I am one of those people who  thinks value is in looks. As I said, these are not MY rules, girl, it's this society.  I hate it too. I really do. I'm just playing the game. " The game ends (for you) when you take your ball and go home.

...and speaking of mutilating bodies...get ready for the changes in your life after your RNY! Your body, needless to point out, will be changed forever, not only by the re-route of your gut, but you MIGHT, just maybe be ready for plastics yourself as you lose.  if not, okay, but just don't close that door on yourself.  You feel justified to have RNY because you do have so many co-morbids, and rightly so.  I would never argue that you don't belong near the top of the "I need WLS list" .  Don't forget the 40 bmi with or without co-morbids is the standard...and one day it may not be. It may be only for folks with co-morbids and a doctor's pass. There is a grand argument there that it should be that way.  You contend that the *without co-morbids* group are into it for looks alone. I, for one, am over that.  I understand why you feel that way; I simply don't agree and at this point, neither do PCP's or surgeons. Shari, regardless of what you decide, you are an important part of this group.  You'll never find a place, except under that rock you speak of where everybody's feelings are never hurt, no one feels irritated, etc. I ignore people I do not click with.  It's hard, i am only human and get petty, but I try to live and let live.  don't go away mad.

RNY provides risks that include severe lifelong problems, and death. To risk death to look good is madness. I have known people who died, and others who wished they had-- it's pretty convincing. I will have medically necessary plastics on anything that limits my function, as insurance allows. Sadly, some PCPs and surgeons want your money, and get it sometimes by feeding on social insecurities-- even if/when what they do is risky to the health of the patient. Sad fact of life. Not one I am going to giggle about.  I am not mad, I am sick. And it's not with any one person, but this ridiculous cultural obsession with physical ideals. It's so goddamn inhumane.