Warning: VERY controversial question

Hi! I wonder if I'm the discouraged denied person?  Sounds like me : ) I was bummed out - but I think I'm over it.  I'll prob be posting more here from now on.  I was getting into a panic about being the heaviest I've ever been.  Honestly, the thought of surgery was very scary to me - my health problems have started to get out of control, and I have 2 daughters that I want to watch grow up. I think maybe the surgery wasn't meant to be.  I was grateful for all the supportive posts - I don't think it would have been out of line to remind me that diet and exersize are always there and are usally a good idea pre-op anyway.  The other board is mostly surgery post ops or hopefuls, so I wasn't surprised by the biased responses. I plan on chuggin away, and hope to avoid too many future "pity parties" I'm glad I ventured over here! Jean 

Hey there's my twin!!!!!!

Jean,

I have never posted here before, because I feel like this is a forum especially for non-ops.  I do lurk because there is a lot of good information here.

I truly do not know whether you are the original poster or not, but must say that your candidness and honesty about your feelings are admirable.  And, searching for a 'non-op' healthier lifestyle can only help, not hurt you, no matter what the decision about surgery is in the end.  There are people on this board who have been successful with losing weight and developing healthier lifestyles.  And they did not have WLS.  We all just have to find what will work for each one of us. 

I am actually a post-op person. I had the DS 4 years ago and am convinced that it was the right choice for me.  But it took me a long time to get there.  I truly wish that adapting a healthy lifestyle would have been the answer for me.  I tried for over 30 years, with some extended successes and several failures along the way.  Long story, but I finally arrived at the decision for WLS a year after my primary care doc felt that I was at the end of the road and suggested it.  I had truly tried to lose weight and keep it off without surgery.  My PCP had been following me and watched my weight loss struggles for several years and he told me I was a good candidate before I was willing to even consider it.  I felt like my back was to the wall and I had few choices left when I finally started researching WLS as an option.   When I did finally decide to have WLS, I chose a surgical procedure that was newer (at the time) and still considered somewhat experimental.  But, based on the results, I thought this was the procedure for me.  I ended up paying a large portion of the surgical cost to have the surgery I wanted.

You may think it is strange for me to be on the non-op board, but I find people here talk about changing habits, or the long haul, which is most important.  Eating right, exercising, finding tools to cope with stress and food challenges.  In the long run, even people who have WLS have to adapt the same type of habits if they are going to have long-term success.  WLS is only a tool, just as support groups and forums, gyms and eating plans are tools.    In the end, success will depend on how one uses their tools (whether their tools are doing things differently, support forums and/or WLS ,etc)  to help change habits and develop a healthier lifestyle.  At this point, I have seen many of the people who had surgery about the same time I did experience regain.  Most often, it is because of the same thing that non-WLS people struggle with - bad eating habits, unhealthy food choices, not exercising, stress in their life, etc.    There is no guarrantee that it won’t happen to me as well.  I am trying to remain vigilant.  At 4 years, I can eat more and can tell that my body absorbs more.  I say this because WLS is not a perfect fix either.

 

So, while being denied WLS is disappointing, it may be an opportunity for your to try something different that may work for you without having to drastically alter the way your body processes food.   And any of the habits developed along the way can do nothing but help, whether or not you have WLS in the long run.

  Best wishes on your journey,

Sharon

 ps.  I will return to lurking now...

hi Jean, I can not honestly tell you if I responded to your post or not.  I have seen posts about someone being denied so many times and I've never known what to say.  I guess I was just thinking that the overall enthuasiam is so catching that all anyone can think of is getting approved and if they aren't approved they are told to fight, change PCP's, gain weight, etc. 

There ARE options, and my feelings are that many people have not tried to do it on their own for any substantial amount of time, and if some of these people were more honest they'd realize they CAN do it.  No it's not a whole lot of fun but once lifestyle changes are made, it becomes easier. This in no way is for everyone. Some people have horrible health problems that can only be solved with WLS.  It is a lifesaving operation for some, and I in no way find it to be a bad thing.

I am glad that you were not offended, that was NEVER my intention. Welcome here.

You got cajones girl......but darling I completely agree with you.......thats why I chew my tongue off most days.    It is easier to sit around and wait for the appearance of a quick fix (don't they know how hard the surgery actually is and the lifestyle changes to boot?)...... I was getting frustrated with one person in particular myself......."I woulda done this but this happened" everyday (I aint seen him/her around in a while...they weren't one of the cool kids anyways (just kidding)........sooner or later the excuses have got run out or the boogie man finally does get their arse the next time those little debbie snack cake crumbs fall in the carpet next to their bed........ I think I was at 45 BMI and now at 35 and being a flighty person I barely considered surgery that and the fact that I've had some many in the past why would I want to inflict pain on purpose......I actually in my own twisted way think that the path I have taken (give or take a short cut) is the easiest one traveled My love for life and the horrid visual of  my future self being one pork chop shy of never making it out of bed again only to have Jerry Springer visit me when my latin lover runs off with my husband because my nurse is a kinky dwarf who tempted them all...........GOD I'M SICK--time for my snack or I stay in this twisted universe....TIME TO COUNT MY PEANUTS!

Thank you for the post!!! You made me laugh. I am not an insensitive person but I am an honest one.  I most of the time will post something and erase it because I don't feel that it is constructive.  I think this was worth the effort and the negative responses.  I am happy to say that most of the responses were very positive and made people think, which is always a good thing! LOL I'm still laughing as I read your post -- Jerry Springer and kinky dwarves!   Go count those peanuts -- I cringe at the memory -- and thank you again!

For the record and without need for further comment, I agree with Christa. But to answer the original question: "If someone is denied for WLS, and it is clear that unless they self-pay or seek out another insurance, which could take up to a year, why don't they do something to take control of their lives?" They simply don't do anything because they feel they have no other choice but WLS.  They've tried diets unsuccessfully and in their eyes they cannot succeed without WLS.  They already know that it can be done through proper nurtrition and exercise but they also know themselves and know that they cannot make that lifestyle change without some type of 'governer' to keep their bad habits at bay. There are very few who are successful at this game and they've already counted themselves out. So yeah, they will spend the next 5 years working on getting approved because to them, 5 years of diet and exercise is a waste of time without WLS.   The proper response to a post like that is: "Aww, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation!  I am sure that you are feeling completely discouraged.  Perhaps all is not lost yet though.  Have you thought about trying to continue the struggle without WLS while you work towards getting approved?  Who knows maybe you could be one of the ones who are proud to say they did it without WLS?"

ahh but chris, that is exactly what is so sad. key word "the FEEL they have no other choice." people have been so beat down by various factors (see my first response to donna) that they feel like WLS is the only answer.

Oh I completely agree with you.  I was merely answering the question.  That's why 'some' don't spend the next 5 years trying to lose weight because they feel defeated and have made up their minds that there is no other solution but WLS.  I was there once. Uneducated, no hope, in despair. But something happened...or should I say my wife happened... If she had not been blunt with me then I would still be in this boat, hopelessly crying because I couldn't have WLS and my life was over.   I consider myself well-educated about WLS now.  I have several co-morbidities but still haven't decided to go through with the surgery though part of me STILL feels like it's the only way I'm going to permanently keep the weight off.  However, I haven't chosen to let that be my determining factor yet.

Hi, guys. I have been wanting to join and post here for a bit. This post definitely got me thinking. First off, Christa, I am your age and right around your weight. I just wanted to chime in and say I completely understand where you're coming from, and know how painful it is to be younger and significantly overweight. I, too, had a brief affair feeling SO happy when I had lost some weight - it was actually after losing around 50 pounds, though, which I obviously later gained back plus more. Still, there's no denying that when I was around 180, I woke up happy to get dressed, happy to talk to strangers, happy to be young. Heavier, I feel like an old lady...actually, I joked to my old therapist that I feel like a grandpa, because it's harder to feel feminine when I'm so heavy. Anyway, my point is, don't feel bad for wanting to be slim, and wanting to get there whatever way it is that you do. Shari, you said something similar to the fact that "everyone has problems, yours are just on the outside," but for many people, this is not just an outside problem. I envy those obese people who are truly happy with their bodies and don't have a care in the world, but not everyone is that way. I got to this weight mostly by severe binge eating, and many desperately depressed nights spent alone eating more food that anyone would ever believe, because I felt the goddamn food was my only friend, the only thing that let me be alone and "understood" (yeah, right)! My outside is a result of my inside, and the pain that cause(s/d) me to binge is not visible. How am I going to be happy living in a body every day that reminds me of that struggle? (I have never considered WLS and am currently on what I am determined to make my final major weight loss effort.) Andy, your success is inspiring. I am not sure if this is exactly what you're getting at, but I find the barrage of discouragement from professionals, the media, etc. really one of the worst things we have going for us. Sometimes I just have to read the news reports and statistics and all that, but I am trying to cut them out. "99.9999999999999 of those who lose weight gain it back," "it's impossible to lose 100+ pounds the old fashioned way," whatever. Sometimes I just want to scream FU at the TV or the computer screen. Well, you know what? The answer isn't that simple. What about the people with emotional attachments to food who never seek therapy or go to some sort of support group? There are a lot of tools you can use to support yourself, but not everyone thinks to seek them out. I am arming myself as best I can, and that's why I WILL beat this. I believe all that stuff oversimplifies a very personal struggle. It makes me furious. Hope I didn't get too off topic there? Anyway, this is a great thread. Don't fear it! Good luck, everyone. I'll try and post more and support all you brave people