Warning: VERY controversial question

I hope you can understand that this is said lovingly. I do care that you hurt. _______________________________________________________ I strongly disagree with vanity weight loss surgery. The risks are entirely too high. You think it's embarassing to have a wide ass? Try uncontrolled vomiting, or nestidioblastosis (which destroys your nervous system) or sepsis and infections that keep you hospitalized for months. Or death. Unfortunately, I know PERSONALLY people who have had all of the above--- and more. It's not just a rumor: WLS can maim you, even permanently. If you have a healthy and functional body, you do not slice it open because you don't feel pretty. That's just madness. I was very fat at 21 myself. No co-morbidities, either. But I had friends, and lovers-- a college education-- gallery openings-- it was a good life!  Started teaching at 300 pounds-- earned a Master's Degree at 325, travelled to Canada and California and Mexico and Barbados-- became a certified lifeguard at 340 pounds. Was it challenging? Sure. But we all, as humans, have challenges-- yours is just visible. The truth is, your life's as good as you make it-- and that's true at ANY weight. Don't blame your weight for your dissatisfaction: it's a red herring, truly. Living doesn't start at a certain weight--- it starts now. Today. Live the life you THINK surgery would buy you. Self esteem comes from growth and accomplishment--- not surgeons, not Botox, not boyfriends, not society, not your parents. It comes from living an authentic life that resonnates for you. You aren't going to like this but it is a fact--- and one that took me years to learn: confidence doesn't come from a scalpel.  Your shame is what  you need to work on, not your flesh, and I MEAN that. Shame is a needless, useless emotion and it hitches a ride on all the good things you are.

I know that what I said made you angry, and I am sorry if you hurt--- and I remember that kind of hurt acutely. but the fact is that these surgeries, used as intended, are for morbidly obese people with significant medical co-morbidities. Any other use is unbelievably dangerous, and as much as you don't like being round, it's a far worse fate to be maimed, sick, debilitated, or dead.

Well I am a totally different person than you, and have my own opinions. And in my little world, I guess maybe a scalpel does in some way give me confidence. Tanning gives my confidence. Make up gives me confidence. That is the kind of person I am. I remember when I was 200 pounds when I was 16...had reconstructive surgery on my knee....lost 30 pounds. I was a brand new person, I was the happiest person EVER! Because I was thin. With that being said my confidence sky rocketed...I scored a boyfriend, my career in softball was amazing that year. That's who I am. No matter what you say even if its proven that I am wrong. I Christa would be happier from a scalpel...yup I said it. I wouldn't get RNY that's too much for me....but the Lap Band, yes I would do it...then afterwards....I would get plastic surgery oh yea, I would. Breast lift, body lift, I would go the whole nine yards, just because that is who I am.  And it would make me feel better about myself. That's all I have to say....I'm off the boards for a while.

Sorry you feel the need to leave. It wasn't my intention. Confidence comes from a belief that you are worthy. If you believe the tan makes you a better person, then it radiates, and people will believe it with you. But nine times outta ten, it's really not about the tan, it's about the way you relate to the world--- which you can learn to do without cosmetic tweaking, too.  Deeper changes resonnate longer and more meaningfully. There's just no way that I could suggest that a very young and very healthy person literally mutilate a functioning intestinal tract needlessly. It's hard enough to do it at twice your age and with a failing body. I don't want to see anyone needlessly hurt.

I think perhaps you are little insensitive towards those who may not be in your situation.  I ascertain from your posts that you are a strong-willed person who has never had much of a problem with self-confidence, at least not from being obese. Like you, I have had many accomplishments in my lifetime.  At 27 years old I have the ablity to live a life most people dream about. Yet, I still lack self-confidence and esteem. My achievements seem small and meaningles because I'm not happy with the way I look. I never have been.  I suffer from emotional issues and side-affects from my weight and I attempt to buy new things to make myself feel better, to get that "high" for as long as I can.  Having the nicer car, house, clothes makes me feel more worthy because in my messed up brain it somehow masks my obesity. Logically I know this isn't so, but emotionally.... This is pretty similar to Christa and her makeup and tanning.  I know you disagree that being thin doesn't make you happy and perhaps being thin doesn't make a thin person happy but losing the weight and becoming a thin person would make me happy.  Since I believe being thin will make me happy/worthy then I will be happy, worthy, and confident.  Whatever I "believe" is what "is".  To quote an ancient text, Matt. 21:22 "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."  My belief is this is true regardless if you are a Christian or an atheist. Whatever you truely believe you deserve...whatever you believe you will get...you will get.  So therefore I believe being skinny will bring my happiness so damnit i'm gonna be one happy bean pole as soon as I believe I am a bean and a pole! You said in a previous post: "Self esteem comes from growth and accomplishment--- not surgeons, not Botox, not boyfriends, not society, not your parents. It comes from living an authentic life that resonnates for you." I am convinced, from personal experience, the success a person has in weight-loss does build character, self-confidence and self-esteem. Hell it even makes a person more assertive. To say that a person doesn't gain self-esteem from WLS is kind of absurd. Does WLS not produce results? Is it not an accomplishment when you lose the weight?  How does having surgery make the accomplishment any different? In most people's opinion the struggle with WLS is more difficult and therefore your accomplishment much greater.  Each persons definition of an authentic life is different. No one has the right to say that someone else cannot achieve happiness from weight-loss, with or without WLS. I hope all that makes sense and perhaps you can see the other point of view.  I still agree with you about the risks and someone who has no co-morbs probably shouldn't have the surgery.  But then is quality of life and emotional well being considered a co-morb??   Perhaps another discussion topic?

Sure is easier on the intestines to develop esteem... organically.

"In most people's opinion the struggle with WLS is more difficult" I think that's absolutely false.  Completely the opposite.  I believe in the vast majority of cases , WLS is viewed as the "cure" for obesity.

I'm with you again, Bert. WLS is most commonly viewed as the "easier answer." Just more invasive. In reality, RNY and the lifestyle changes I have started here are quite similar, with one significant variable (beyond the mutilated 'testines)--- and that's time. I do not have much of that before major bodily processes will be shut down. But after my 18 month "honeymoon" of rapid  weight loss, I am going to be on a 1300 calorie diet once again, and for the rest of my life.  More alike than different, to be sure.

It is viewed by non-ops and pre-ops as an easy fix/solution.  Those who are post-op tell me time and time again that it is harder with WLS because of the emotional and physical strain it puts on you. Losing weight the old fashioned way is not really any more difficult than with having WLS, it simply takes longer.  My view is that WLS is still the easy way out. If I were to have WLS I imagine my view would change slightly.

crista - as a fellow signigificantly obese young person, i completely understand what you are saying. weight in this day and age is a huge factor in social lives, self-esteem etc whether we want it to be or not. i also agree with sheri that WLS is hugely risky and shouldn't be taken on lightly. my only hope would be that you would explore other treatments to deal with the self-confidence issues first such as therapy and fully explore the idea of weight loss, whether naturally or through WLS. and then your therapist and you could decide together if WLS is the best choice for you. the psychology is such an important aspect of weight loss that is so frequently left out of the WLS approval process and aftermath. i know for me, even though i have lost weight and basically always "pass" for normal - it does not mean i feel normal. yes i have more confidence but not nearly the same amount as i "should" have for the weight i am according to normally standards. i am still painfully self-conscious and have little to no dating life.and that after having new boobies and lot of other PS done. i would get a lapband tomorrow if the opportunity was presented to me just because i live in constant fear of weight gain and i think its a good preventative. tool. i definitely think there is a huge difference in riskiness based on type of surgery as well. shari is speaking more of the risks of the more invasive methods. all i'm saying is i think you both have good points.

Ahh I am understood. Good. That means something to me. I know she is talking about risks. I know about risks. I have been researching WLS for over a year now. There is no way I would consider RNY too many risks involved and I just don't want to rip my insides to bits. I would go with the lap band personally. I just found it a little wrong to call names. I felt like I was being talked down too. Calling someone like myself a "tool" I'm not the only one that feels the same as I do. I know there are many out there like me. I don't want WLS just to be smaller. I know it would help me in the long run, personally I believe that. I have pains maybe not to the extent of Shari...but I have major back pains almost every day...swollen ankles....pain in my bad knee. I have good blood pressure but heck I know soon it is gonna sky rocket.  As of building character, I cant remember what post it was if it was on this page or the next page. I have character....I have been through alot, for the things that I have been through has made me who I am. And I wish some of those things didn't happen to me, but I do live a good life I never said I didn't. I just don't go out as much because of my weight. I have gone to school just stopped because I ran out of cash because I had to self pay my way through college because my mother has way too many medical bills because she was diagnosed with breast cancer, went through all of that then had pancreatitis...so I was stuck fending for myself on that....now I have a well paying job and live on my own and pay for my own things. I have great character and personality, I'm just saying people also have a right to have WLS for yes I guess in a way you're looking at it.."vanity" to talk bad about people that want that...is in my head kind of wrong and I took it to heart....now I am rambling....