Day I never want to repeat

I have to say that yesterday was the day from H E double hockey sticks.  It started out with a supposed friend sending me a witchy email that I should only try to call her once.  She wasn't home and I was so excited to tell her of my weight loss that I tried around 4 times in the day and then left a message.  I didn't leave four messages, just wanted to tell her my good news.  Plus I was having a hard time missing my mom (she passed away 5 years ago) and wanted to have a quick girls chat.  Well I got an email from her that chastized me and treated me as if I was either a severly brain injured individual or a 4-year-old.  I sent her a reply back as nice as I could that I didn't appreciate the tone, but got another witchy email.  Guess I won't be calling or emailing this supposed "friend" for a long time to come.  I actually felt good about my decision as she's sucked so much time away from my DB and family and I've had to listen to tons of drama.  Then the other shoe dropped... I called my dad last night to tell him I had sent him something, only to find he sounded angry about something.  I mean hateful angry.  Anyway I kept asking what was wrong and he finally said...he's angry because I didn't send his psycho wife a birthday card.  Yes folks, my father was PO'd about this little item.  He used the same angry voice as when he mentioned last year he never wanted to talk to my Aunt Linda or Aunt Diane (my mother's sisters) again because they didn't inform him of something.  Then he proceeded to say he's really ticked at my sister too.  Oh come on, the psycho's birthday was almost three weeks ago.  She's pulled a lot of stuff through the years complete with saying a lot of hateful and untrue things about me.  The fact I'm civil and even pleasant when we're having a family outting is above and beyond.  I've never sent her a birthday card so for him to get to the anger level he was at last night was out of line.  I've been through so much drama with those two and I'm sick of it.  I guess he's trying his old tricks again.  Long story, but my dad was emotionally abuse to not only my mom growing up, but us three kids as well.  I've finally worked through most of it, but last night he tried to put me "back in my place" so to speak.  I'm very proud what I did.  I said, "ok, you can either forgive and move on or never talk to me again.  Your choice."  Then I informed him that a package was coming from Amazon.com for him for fathers day.  Don't know why, but did say love you before I hung up on him. The reason I sent him his gift????  Well last year I took him out to dinner and gave him his present.  He was a bit odd that day and come to find out his psycho wife was hurt she wasn't invited so he just had to tell me about that.  I had to remind him that it was father's day and that day is reserved for fathers and their children.  As I told him, my DB went to have dinner with his dad.  I didn't feel "hurt" I wasn't included because it's about my DB, his sister, and his dad on that day.  Jeez, can't my dad get a clue?????  Anyway, after that fiasco of a dinner I vowed to my DB I wasn't going that route ever again.  Not worth it. Anyway, just had to get this off my chest.  Still bugging me a little, but in the end I think I did the right thing in both cases.  I'm very proud to say even with this junk going on I didn't stray from my healthier eating plan.  I was sooooooooooooooo tempted to just say forget it and get a major chocolate fix. Normally when something like this would happen, I would either not eat for hours and then gorge on bad food or simply gorge right away.  I didn't do that.  After my quick talk with dad, I called my DB to work through the hurt and anger.  I was staying at my sister's house last night.  Then I had a sensible supper and exercised with sis using my 1 mile Leslie Sansone walking DVD.

It must suck when your dad is married to someone you don't like and who treats you like crap to boot. Man, that is hard. But you are right to try to set boundaries where possible. Especially in light of how he treated you all years ago. And maybe take him out to breakfast or lunch instead of supper, why dinner is more formal, but it is.  I'd just let him know that neither you or DSM are ever going to get along, mutually agreed, and that you and him will have to try to find quality time once in a while without her to keep it simple. or not, whatever, as you say!  I think you did very well. As for the "friend", yep, time to move on there. i just cut somebody loose myself recently and what a relief. She also sucked the life out of me.  But i imagine you feel pretty low. Sucks, all of it.

Thanks Neecee.  I did misspeak, it was lunch at 1 p.m., not dinner.  Sometimes I think of lunch as dinner and then dinner as supper...yup, I'm odd.  He knows I don't like his wife and all the reasons why, he just chooses to ignore the fact.  I've told him that we need to agree to disagree about it, but it's that "control" issue he has as an emotional abuser and trying to put people where HE thinks we belong.  I'm just glad I can see this and try and insulate myself from this as much as possible.   As to trying to find quality time without her, tried that and didn't work.  For some reason if I invite him to something, she has to come along as well or he won't go.  Isn't that odd????  As I've told him, dad just wanna talk to you so you actually TALK.  When she's around he isn't HIM, if you know what I mean.  Like I also told him, my DB doesn't get upset when I want to spend time alone with my family just as I wouldn't mind if he wants to go see them himself.  Ahh well, what can a person do?   Thanks for the helpful suggestions.  Yup it sucks, but I'm feeling better about it.  Talking it out really does help.

As they say in the city, "You is a grown-ass woman!" You don't have to send a card to anyone you aren't moved to send a card to. Sounds to me like she probably ragged him out ("And another thing! That damn daughter of yours didn't even send me a card!") so he felt he had to say something to appease her. Shrug and move on. You're really not obligated to raise your parents, you know? Just think to yourself, "I have to do what's right for me", and anyone who steps in the middle of that plan needs to walk with you, or fall behind.

I agree with Neecee and Shari.  Some of you may remember a couple of months ago when I had a major upset with my BF.  I had been doing all the work to keep the friendship thriving because of her bipolar disorder.  After that big fiassco, I decided that I still love her but it's time she put some effort into the friendship.  Amazingly enough when I quit pampering her at her every whim, I found time for myself.  Now she calls me 2-3 times a week, and if I have time I go by there, if not I tell her so.  I also put it back on her that she never comes to the house, soooooo now her and her hubby (my boyfriend, according to her) comes to the house about once a week, probably more than I go up there at this point.  Just the act of getting out of her house (or yard) has helped her bipolar symptoms somewhat, so that too was a good thing.  Anyway, I digress....sometimes you have to decide that you are important enough to put yourself first, damn what your dad, stepmother, or friend say.  If the relationship is important to the other party they will come around and if not then you will be better off finding out now. That sounds kinda cold when talking about your dad, but he needs to understand that you and SM do not get along and quit trying to force the issue before he forces you right outta his life. Good Luck, and I hope today turns out to be a wonderful day for you! 

Losing weight empowers you and it flows into all areas of your life.  Have a good day and you can share your good news with us.  You can even share it 4 times if you like so there.