When is it time to think about surgery?

Answer is: when it's right-- and IF it's right, for you-- of course!

I have been looking into WLS since about 2000, but waited until now to pursue it, for a great many reasons. I am NOT a shill for WLS, nor am I an opponent...I just like the way my thoughts have gelled and organized lately. I just posted this to a friend's blog-- don't know if it will help anyone else, but here's how I knew it was my time: + I had a very painful quality of life and increasing morbidities AND still enough health to survive and maintain myself after surgery + I feel that  technology is in the optimal space where the procedures (and surgeons) are "as good as they get", but not yet dated or outmoded (but they will be-- that will ALWAYS happen. This is why you wait as long as you can.) + I'm at a moment in time when I can afford financially/timewise to fully recuperate +  I'm at a place in my head where I can fully understand the risks and responsibilities I'm taking on + I'm of the mindset now where I can honestly tell myself that it is about health and NOT about "size" or vanity, or pleasing others + I have real support not only for my post-surgical body but for my mindset and intentions + I have a deep-seated knowledge that this is for me alone-- and that I will bear the risks, benefits and consequences of this decision + I know I can follow post-surgical protocols and routines and know I can manage my food consumption long term + I'm a moment when I find myself teetering on a precupice between the impending severe depression and pain that immobility and illness are starting to provide but still have enough faith in myself and my surgical staff and the strength help myself set what isn't working straight for myself. I know this is what I must do now. And I would challenge any person who is NOT in this space to give surgery some very serious thought-- this is not casual, this is not cosmetic-- this is for keeps.

Shari...all what you say makes me beleive the tim eis right for you! You know I am a fan of yours and will stand behind you down the line. You have not/are not taking this lightly! My nephew I have brought up recently is en process of losing 65# to qualify. As I shared with him, buddy, you are in a damned if you do and damned if don't scenario.

It would seem you are there, too.

One of my best friends was also declared too large for surgery. My god, what a kick in the ass that must be. Let your nephew know that I, a woman who NEVER dieted in her entire LIFE-- have lost 15% of my body weight since March (even though my surgeon didn't require that)-- and surgery is still a couple months off. Bert's an even BETTER reference! It CAN be done!

no kidding...too large....i'd rather take my whiny too small for surgery any day. F$%#! I pray that he does wht he needs to do. It must be on his mind that his way over weight-ness is adding risk to an already hairy deal. I hate to say it, but people like him make up most of the death stats linked to wls.

I have only talked to his wife, my neice.  He does not want to seem to talk about it. Probably thinks i am a total wannabe.

Hi Shari, I have to Hijack this post and ask for clarification on something you said. You have really never dieted a day in your life?  Can you expand on that?  That's interesting to hear because I ate myself to over 400 pounds at one point, started my current journey at 352.  But I can't say that I "dieted" a whole lot in the last 16 years.  I'll elaborate after I hear your comments, you have me intrigued. Thanks!!! Donna

Sure, Donna! My family is not amongst the "nouveau-fat"-- we've been obese people for several generations-- so I have been able to watch their struggles with weight since the day I was born. I have watched both my mother and father lose 150 or more pounds no less than ten times, only to have it all come back plus extra-- and it's the "extra" that scared the crap out of me. I swore that if I lost weight, I was going to do it one time, and only when I was prepared to do the work of keeping it off. The spectre of gaining more completely terrified me, not just for it's own sake, but because of the intense feeling of failure I have seen come with that. A few times I have changed my dietary intake-- more protein for instance (while under a doctor's care) or used an exercise program to try to keep it all in check, but never had any significant weight loss (more than say 15 pounds.) I didn't think that losing weight was possible. I thought I had gotten so fat that nothing short of Herculean efforts would work.  I didn't realize that a "healthy diet" for life was both feasible and possible. Also-- I was spending a lot of time in the size acceptance communities, which helped me to feel okay with my size, so I didn't feel the urgency to lose weight that most people do...until I got sick.  While the size acceptance people would say, "You're not even that big!", I was constantly sick. Passing out. Falling asleep while driving, or at my desk. My face became bloated and distorted. I got endless colds and respiratory infections that made me wheeze. I couldn't walk much, and standing was excrutiating. I couldn't sleep at night, and needed a c-pap. While I still felt fine with how my container looked, I felt like hell about my health. I finally got to a place of understanding on all this. I like my body, and am not ashamed of it, regardless of size-- but understood the *weight* of it was killing me off. I watched as RNY surgery either was botched on some friends, or was unsuccessful because they did not follow post-surgical protocols. I decided I would wait until I felt more confident in the surgical technology and my own ability to cope with what it entails. All of this came together for me in January of this year. I attended a seminar, had a consult-- and had lost a couple of pounds before the consult with small dietary changes. It started me thinking, "I wonder what I could do if I actually TRIED?" So I started by eating 2500 calories a day-- and realized I didn't need all that, so a few days later dropped to 2200....then found that was more than I needed....then 1800....1500....and am finally at my rock bottom tolerable place at around 1300 calories a day. At this place, I still can eat, I still can have a balanced nutritional intake, and I still feel sated. Most days I am a little lower than that-- but if I go much lower, I feel really lousy. My body more or les told me where and when to cut things down a bit, and as I lose, I have increased activity...from 1-2 days a week to 6-7. It's been a remarkably natural feeling journey so far, and is unfolding in a way that's not so daunting to me. Anyway, short question-- long answer. Hope I actually did answer your question!

Yes Shari, that helped gel a lot of thoughts in my mind.  I find it is always interesting to find out the whys of people, instead of the whats, if that makes sense. That's interesting that you say that you've been in an obese family for generations.  It's not all that much of a mystery how we end up like we do, huh?  I'm not just talking about size, I'm talking about family influences.  But that's a whole other Oprah, huh? One of the earliest "diet" memories I have is of my mother.  I must have been 9 at the time and we were eating dinner.  There was Mom, 6 hot dogs on her plate, a few stalks of broccoli and a dollop of mustard, crying her eyes out.  She was slicing and eating, crying and slicing and eating.  I asked what was wrong and she said "I hate hot dogs."  I asked why she was eating them and she said "because WW says I have to."  This was the year WW thought it was great to go high protein high fat I guess.   Body image was always HUGE in my family.  My great-aunt used to chew food and spit it out just so she could taste it.  My grandmother "dieted" until she was 78 years old.  She is now 86 and still "watches what she eats."  I think that all phone conversations among the members of my family start with "so how's your weight?"  I liked myself too.  If you ever read my profile there is a post there where I lamented the loss of the "old me".  Everyone on the Main Board would talk about how they hated themselves before.  How they wanted to forget that person ever existed.  However, that person was me, for a long long time.  I had children in that body, was married in that body, earned a college degree in that body.  Well you get the idea.  Why leave "her" behind.  It wasn't until I couldn't walk anymore that I realized I needed to do something.  I wanted it to be WLS but it just couldn't be.  Instead of waiting for years and years to get the WLS i figured why waste another month or year.  I always find it amazing to read about the folks who say that finally after 1, 2, 3, 4 or even 5 years that they are finally approved.  Do they have ANY idea what they could have done in those years to make themselves happier?  But I digress. I admire your realism, I truly do.  You know, the lack of fat acceptance is all too overwhelming in our culture.  But so is racism, sexism, ageism and just about every other "ism" you can imagine.  I don't think we are nearly the progressive society that people think we are.  I likened your feelings about being fat to a person who is born with one arm.  If you are always like that, and didn't know any different, it feels okay, right even.  Why is society allowed to make it "bad".  Health reasons are a very good reason to undergo an operation that will save your life.  I really think it's great that you are taking the steps so methodically and reasonably to exact your end.  Thank you for answering! 

Not that I've known a lot of people who have had wls, but you have given this a lot more thought than what seems like a lot of people do.  I very much support your decision (as if my opinion makes a hill of beans worth of difference)  But even when you are post-op, you don't have to leave us.  Please don't.    This board wouldn't be the same without you.