i'm disappointed in myself

     I feel soo weak.  I know I should just chalk it up to a bad day and go from there, but c'mon! Yesterday was supposed to be the first day of my diet...well, I forgot to go shopping and I had a doctors appointment in the afternoon so I thought I'd just go after that and get my healthy food. My daughter was a little monster all morning, then I got stressed out at the doctors, especially when I saw I gained 5 pounds instead of loosing. I told myself, well thats it! no choice but to be strict about your diet now! I mean, your officially OVER 400 lbs!! MY GOD!! So I went shopping and was determined to be good, but apperantly my stomache controls my actions, because halfway through shopping I start duming all this unhealth junk into my cart - mostly chocolate products, that is my biggest comfot food. And while i do this I keep thinking, I cant do this, I need to eat healthy, I can barly walk!!  But the longer I shopped, the more my daughter got on my nerves and the hungrier I got... I ended up with all my healthy diet food...and enough junk food to put an army in a diebetic coma.       So I ate like crap all night last night (didnt' even get home till ~7pm, even better, eating at night!    But this morning I thought that I would be ok, just start on my diet l like I planned to yesterday...but now i have all this junk food in my house, and I'm on such a fixed budget, I hate to waste money by  throwing food away, even if it is junk. So I ate my breakfast, 3 pieces of turkey bacon and 2 eggs...for a total of 200 calories so far....I have drunk 44 oz of water so far today. I KNOW I can do this, but  even though I'm full, my stomach keeps saying, eat  eat eat!! How do I convince myself I'm full??

It's hard because even at the end of the day when I know I have eaten enough, I still feel like I could eat some more. What helps me get through it is just saying to myself, this is what losing weight feels like. Oprah calls it 'the body dipping into the fat stores." For your situation, especially if it is during the day and you've only eaten 200 calories so far, your body might be telling you to eat something. If it is a starving feeling you have, then I say go ahead and just have something healthy.  As far as junk food, I can't keep it in my house because it is way too tempting, especially this early on. Our health is worth buying more expensive food or throwing junk food away if we have to. I just threw away a whole bowl of homemade tuna salad because it was triggering me to eat a lot more than what I needed. I didn't have a second thought about the money because I just said that I am worth it and I've come too far to turn back now.

My problem is, I feel full. My stomach is full. I know that, I feel full. But whether its head hunger or just my body telling me, hey, you didn't eat as much as you usually did, keep eating! I don't know. I just know that its that inner hunger that usually causes me to 'fall off the wagon'. And I dont' know how to quiet it.

From my experience and others who've lost weight successfully, you really can't quiet it. It's just something that you have to endure whether you have WLS or not. The pay off-when you endure those psychological hunger pains is losing weight and eventually getting to goal. It's part of the 'hard work' of losing weight. 

hi Heather, All I can say is one step at a time, one day at a time.  This is such a journey that it can't be accomplished in one day, or one week or even one month.  This is something that we have to work out of our systems in a patient and methodical manner.  I can't tell you exactly HOW to do it.  But the fact that you are very conscious of what you are eating and how you are shopping, goes to show that you are not blind to what needs to be done. If we all succeeded the first time around we never would have gotten to be MO.  Just keep being conscious of what you are doing and how you are feeling when you are eating the junk.  In the end remember it's just food, and if something that little and inconsequential can have that much control over you, perhaps you need to look deeper into what it is that is making you eat. By the way, in order not to delude yourself and not realize how much you are eating, 2 eggs and 3 slices of turkey bacon are 265 calories, not 200.  Now that doesn't sound like much to squabble over, but if we underestimate by 100-200 calories a meal, it ends up explaining a whole lot! Good luck and remember, baby steps! Donna

thanks!...maybe i'm under counting the caloric value of the eggs,  i thought,from previouse diets, that eggs were 70 calories each??? and according to the wrapper of the turkey bacon I ate they are 20 calories per slice....so thats how I came up with 200 calories... As for the rest, I'm doing better today, I just think it's been so long since i've actually dieted (just kinda 'gave up/gave in' for the longest time) I forgot how hard it was to deny myself the emotional side of eating.  I am well aware that there are deep emotional ties to my enotional eating. My mother help program that into me when as a young child she would yell at me call me fat ass, say she should have aborted me, then feel gulty herself and give me a BAG of miniture candy bars as an I'm sorry---which I would inhale as a bandaid to feelings of worthlessness and depression.  I'm well aware of that, what I dont' know how to do is break that hold emotional eating has on me. Whenever I have a really bad day, am really depressed, or stressed out, I am back in that spot, and the only thing that will make it better is food, usually chocolate and lots of it.

I'm with Donna - Take one day at a time.  Stop discouraging yourself.  Stop talking down to yourself.  Strive for excellence, not perfection.  Two hundred calories is not a lot.  At your weight, you should be eating between 1800-2000 calories a day (per Jenny Craig's Program).  That means if you had 4 meals a day, your meals should be about 400 calories each.  So you're jipping yourself.  Just relax, roll with the punches, and make sure you've eaten enough.

I can only say ditto to what everyone else has said. Progress not perfection is how we get thru it. I have been following my DH's VSG plan and I can tell you from my own experience, I get full. When my mind gets bored whether I am hungry or not, it says fill my mouth. This is when I get into a power struggle with myself. I have learned to keep my hands and mind busy, ei. crossstitch, go for a walk, play on the computer, something till it passes and it does pass. Having a good support system in place helps megatons.  You can learn the difference between head hunger and real hunger, it just takes a while. Just don't beat yourself up if you have a bite ot two of non-nutritional food. Just say ok I slipped and move on from there. We are human beings not robots that can be reprogrammed in an instant. Please just keep talking and keep putting one foot in front of the other and we will hold your hand as long as you need us. Sincerely, Patience

I believe someone else has probalby already said what I'm going to say but here goes. 1.  Stop beating yourself up. It will cause you to eat to soothe your frustrations. 2.  Last night is ancient history. Forget about it. 3. Sounds like you're starving yourself. 200 cals is not a lot at all for even me. I try to stay around 1600-1800 and 2000 if I exercise. For a female my size it would probably be less. I'm 297 lbs. To make sure it's really hunger and not "thirst", guzzle 8 ounces or so of water and wait about 10 minutes. If the hunger returns then eat something.  As you get used to the changes you can tell the difference between hunger, thirst and head hunger.  Typically for me true hunger is when my stomach physically hurts or in the mornings when i feel sick to my stomach. 4. Trash the junk food no matter how much you hate to do it.  It's cheaper in the long run.  5. You convince yourself that you are full by simply telling yourself that you are when you know you are... :)   Easier said then done.  For right now you should try to keep track of your calorie intake until you understand what the hunger feeling really is.  Your body/stomach is addicted to feeling stuffed. It takes a while to break that addiction.  Most of us still struggle with it.

yes, forgive yourself and move on...with a plan.  I think back to younger days when i ate a 3 fist sized plate of pasta, 3 pieces of garlic toast, tall glass of whole milk, then get up an hour later and eat an inordinate amount of oreos and more milk.  All I can say is that the more you eat, the more you want. it takes a long time to get the concept that dish up one generous serving of whatever, make sure you have veggies and fruit with it, then WAIT.  WAIT...you will be amazed that 30 minutes later you will feel satisfied.  I'm convinced a lot of fat people simply eat way past the point of satiety, then are so full. Try that for one night, then another night and see if it will not work. You like the candy - why not have a rule that you can walk up to the corner store and buy one piece every day.  Spend your money on frozen fruits and veggies and make sure you eat some.  Your body will eventually recognize the good nutrition and stop torturing you for garbage.  Things take time, give yourself a break. (((((((hugs))))))))