How to Weigh--- Really!

Jupiter6
on 5/3/07 11:28 pm - Near Media, Pa- South of Philly, NJ

Here's how to weigh: You go to the bathroom and squeeze every muscle in your being to try to get every bit of waste out of you: even do some spleen kegels. (Your eyes should cross if you do this correctly.) Clear your belly button of all lint. Then, you wear your lucky sneakers. Then, you comb your hair aggressively, in case dandruff adds weight. Then, if it's digital, you turn it off and then on again, so you can clear the LED of bad juju. Step on left foot first. Stare at the numbers a long time, and will them downward using the power of your carb-starved mind. If you get a smaller number than last time, feel like you are a genius, and contemplate writing a fitness book. Tell everyone that you have been enlightened: you alone have The Secret and and been shown The Way. Yours is the one and only path to fitness. You are the golden child. If it's a bigger number, stay away from sharp objects and open windows, answer questions from people as abruptly and nastily as you can, and curse back at your chair-dancing DVD. Keep your therapist (That ******* lied! You CAN'T do this!) lawyer (for impending divorce) and mother (it's her goddamn fault anyway, what with her attitude/genes/bad casseroles) on speed-dial.

"Oh sweet and sour Jesus, that is GOOD!" - Stephen Colbert Lap RNY 7/07-- Lap Gallbladder 5/08--
     Emergency Bowel Repair 6/08 -Dr. Meilahn, Temple U.   Upper and Lower Bleph/Lower Face Lift
     12/08
     Fraxel Repair 2/09-- Lower Bleph Re-Do 5/09  -Dr. Pontell, Media PA Mastopexy/Massive
     Brachioplasty/ Extended Abdominoplasty (plus Mons Lift and Upper Leg lift) / Hernia Repair
     6/24/09 ---Butt Lift and Lateral Thighplasty Scheduled 7/6/10 - Dr. Ivor Kaplan VA Beach
     Total Cost: $33,500   Start wt: 368   RNY wt: 300 Goal wt: 150   Current wt: 148.2 BMI: 24.7

Angela B.
on 5/3/07 11:34 pm - Somerville, AL

Lap Band on 10/04/07

SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT PRESCRIPTION HERE!! lol. WAY TOO FUNNY, I NEEDED A LAUGH THIS MORNING. TGIF!!!!!

10/4/07 surgery 265, 11/7/07 1st fill 252, 12/27/07 2nd fill 243, 1/16/08 234, 2/27/08 3rd fill 230, 5/18/08 209, 6/12/08 home scale 200!!!!!!!!!!! 10/22/08 1 yr......184, 11/4/08.....170, Pouch dilation in April 10, complete unfill. Starting over! 7/29/10-175

Neecee O.
on 5/3/07 11:44 pm - CA

You forgot the most important thing: weigh commando!

Jupiter6
on 5/3/07 11:59 pm - Near Media, Pa- South of Philly, NJ

RNY on 07/16/07

My gym generally frowns on that practice.

"Oh sweet and sour Jesus, that is GOOD!" - Stephen Colbert Lap RNY 7/07-- Lap Gallbladder 5/08--
     Emergency Bowel Repair 6/08 -Dr. Meilahn, Temple U.   Upper and Lower Bleph/Lower Face Lift
     12/08
     Fraxel Repair 2/09-- Lower Bleph Re-Do 5/09  -Dr. Pontell, Media PA Mastopexy/Massive
     Brachioplasty/ Extended Abdominoplasty (plus Mons Lift and Upper Leg lift) / Hernia Repair
     6/24/09 ---Butt Lift and Lateral Thighplasty Scheduled 7/6/10 - Dr. Ivor Kaplan VA Beach
     Total Cost: $33,500   Start wt: 368   RNY wt: 300 Goal wt: 150   Current wt: 148.2 BMI: 24.7

Neecee O.
on 5/4/07 12:03 am - CA

HAAAA!!!!

mskaty
on 5/4/07 1:48 am

Neecee, weigh comando. What kind of WW meetings are you going to!!???!! HaHa

How to Weigh--- Really!

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How to Weigh--- Really!