Help, I can't stop the belly!

I've done this a million times in the past and this time I don't want it to win.  In my previous battles I usually give up at this point and let my belly have it's wildest desires. I'm overeating again. Not nearly as much as I used to but my portion size has gotten out of hand.  Ever since vacation I've been eating larger portions, mostly at dinner.  I am somewhat counting my calories but I know I am exceeding 1500-1800 at dinner time.  Prior to vacation I was able to eat a 500-650 calorie dinner and be full. Now I'm finding I'm eating at least 1000 calories if not more.  Last night the wife made a baked spaghetti/rigatoni dish with yummy cheese over top of it and lotsa mushrooms.  This isn't neccesarily a trigger food for me but I filled a plate with the stuff and devoured it with a slice of garlic cheese texas toast.  What I should have done was gotten a bowl full and no bread and been content but for some reason I can't seem to stop myself. My brain is screaming don't do it but my body just won't listen.  I even posted about how I was going to only eat about 1600 calories yesterday and I know I blew it bigtime. I blew it at lunch too.  How do I get past this? How do I stop if I'm telling myself to stop and I don't?????

But did you stay out of the fridge after supper?  Maybe your calories are actually evening out?

I did stay out of the fridge because I was stuffed.  I was still stuffed when I woke up this morning and only ate 1 banana for breakfast. Normally if I had bananas for breakfast it'd be two.  I don't think my calories are evening out.  Here's what i had yesterday Breakfast: 2 packets of Peaches -n- Cream oatmeal (260 cals) Snack: I had a 100 calorie pack of something, I can't remember what but that's always my snack Lunch: About 1-2 cups Turkey chili (lean ground turkey, chili beans, tomatoes, and i think it had black beans too) over over at least 1 cup of cooked white rice, might have been two.  The dish almost filled a 6x3x1.5 tupperware container. Snack: 10 Ranch Rice chips.. The quaker things.  I think it was like 110 cals. Dinner: Typical dinner plate full of the baked pasta stuff. (73/27 ground beef, tomatoes, rigatoni, spaghetti sauce, lotsa mushrooms, mexicheese mix) and a slice of texas garlic cheese toast. I had about 85oz of water.

Chris, The way I see it, is a t least you are ready to admit your mistakes and get back on track.  I too have tried more times than I care to count to lose weight, but I would make the mistake of not telling anyone, because I didn't want them to know when I failed.  My downfall was that if no one knew I didn't try to hold myself accountable because there was no one else to help hold me accountable.  This time I involved my husband, my sister, my mother, my friends at work, and of course all my OH friends. This helps in more ways than I had counted on.  If my sister cooks and invites us over, she tries to accommadate my eating habits, when I go out to lunch with my friends at work they try to choose somewhere that serves healthier selections, my husband has been laid off for awhile so he is doing all of the meals at home, and he cooks soooooo good but usually cooks foods high in fat and calories and SALT.  He has learned to cook for me, and only occasionally cooks anything different for himself and DDs.  Last night he had fried fish, I had baked fish with Mrs. Dash's lemon pepper.  Oh so good.  Also, he and my friends at work know I am committed to this walking/exercise thing so they support me or join me. The only way anyone ever gets control of bad habits is to admit they have them, you have done that.....and none of us are perfect we are going to fall off our plan sometimes, but just pick yourself up, dust  yourself off, and remember today is a new day.  Rainy day in Alabama, hope the sun comes out afterwhile. Sorry so long. 

Chris I soo agree with what Angela had to say.  At least you recognize the out of control feeling.  I am going to suggest something totally non-food related.  I read your blog and profile and stuff.  You mentioned you are Chp. President of Carolina Faith Riders, but presently you are at odds with your Maker.  I think that may be a major underlying factor.  It could be that the food is just a symptom.  That's the way it is for me anyway and from what I read about you, it makes me wonder if you are the same.  Just a suggestion. I'm new here, as you can probably see.  I haven't written my story or anything on my profile yet, but I will soon. All the Best, Becky

Luckily I've always known I was out of control but it wasn't  untiil recently that I openly admitted it.  I would admit it to the wife but that don't count.  Hell, when I'd lie in public to other saying "I don't eat that much, no more than you would and I still gain." she would back me up saying "Yeah, he really doesn't eat that much at all!".  We both knew I overate.  I'm happy she did that though because it's nice to have someone there on your side supporting your decision no matter what, even if they are lies. She'd always be sure to set me straight in private though. :) I've actually resigned as chapter president because of my issues with God. I'm not even sure what the heck is wrong with me nor do I understand why after all this time I have so many doubts. It makes me feel guilty when I don't have God in my life and it makes me feel guilty when I mess up with God in my life. I hate it and it's a horrible cycle.  I've often thought there may be underlying issues, but I don't even know where to begin.  I've always prided myself on my mental stability. I'm not positive that my issues with God and spirituality are the underlying issue, rather I think there's something else that's got a hold on me that's causing that and the overeating...but what?  I've tried wellbutrin and that didn't do anything for me after I got over the placebo effect.  Could there really be something wrong or am I just a wishy-washy overeating normal person? Can you elaborate some more about yourself? Perhaps I may be able to relate and further understand what the heck is wrong with me. Of course, you don't have to do that here. A private message is fine or if you'd rather not that's fine too. :)

Chris - I so agree with Becky about underlying issues, for sure, you recognize issues with your beliefs. I tend to think you have some childhood issues as well (who doesn't), you are at the age where you realize it's all you now, no more blaming mom or dad wherever the $%^ he is, blah blah blah. I thought I was an atheist for so many years, but i could not that I felt God.  i accpeted that feeling and now draw upon that - God is there, God is everywhere present for me. Churches are my personal issue, not God.  As I have said a few times, fat people tend to overreact about everything. It may come from feelings of isolation - we don't fit into our clothes or society, ya know. We need to take a chillpill, get a plan and stick to that.

Yeppers!  Listen to these ladies!  Maybe it is frustration from having to return to the stressors of work and life after a nice little vacation?  Also, the fact that you were beating yourself up from indulging while on holiday?  You expressed some feelings of guilt when you got back.......maybe you need to throw them into the trash can......you needed to let your hair down and you did......I recall the damage was not that bad.....

I tend to obsess over mistakes and end up in a vicious cycle of repeating them until I finally say to myself "get over it".......then I'm done and move on......perhaps a little internal diaologue would help? The higher power is in you and around you......I just think you've hit a little hump.......I know Neecee would be willing to give you a "little push" to get over it  Q=)    (love ya Neecee!!!  keep giving that wonderful attitude!)

There's definitely some frustation with the return to work.  I think it's more that I'm frustrated from indecisiveness about this job.  I don't mind the work and there's very little of it to do which should be a good thing but I feel guilty for not working a full 8 hours.  I also hate the drive and want to be back in the Charlotte area but I feel my skills are inadequate and that I'm lucky I got this job.  So I want to make more money and I can in Charlotte but I'm scared I dont' have what it takes but I want to try and trying means I had to tell this job about it and now they're wishy-washy about taking me on full-time if because I'm wishy-washy about taking it so if I wanna take it I probably won't have it and ugh, it's just frustrating. I definitely obsess over my mistakes. I can recall several occasions and many different cir****tances.  In fact, I've hit myself repeatedly in the head because I sometimes struggle with getting the words to come out of my mouth.  I've never had a problem before and it's irritating as hell when I start stuttering because my lips won't keep up.  Man I really do have some issues! Ahh.. higher power in me.. See now this is where the doubt about Christianity comes in. All this new-age thinking has me thinking that Christianity is archaic. That it was just a way for ancient man to explain something too difficult for them to understand. I really believe there is a higher power but I'm not sure who that higher power is.. perhaps it's a higher level of my own conscience, maybe it's a physical being. could be aliens.. who knows but something is out there..watching..maybe even interacting? So tell me, have I truely lost it? 

I've always been one to not blame my problems on my childhood. It just seems silly to me. I am my own person and what my parents did doesn't control who I am today.  But there seems to be a lot of merit put in that theory so I have to at least consider it.  My mom was wonderful and took great care of me.  She died when I was 10.  My dad wasn't there for me in my younger years but I didn't realize that as being abnormal until I was old enough to understand separation and divorce.  Later in life, after mom popped him with child support and he accepted I was his kid, he came to visit quite often and we had a great relationship. I moved in with him after mom's death and life wasn't peachy but it's not supposed to be after something like that. Nonetheless, as time passed my life got better and we had a great relationship. I cannot recall any reason that would account for the way I feel or act. My mom wasn't much of a church goer but she believed in God.  My dad was a believer and on-off avid church goer.  In fact, I started becoming more spiritual despite my parents not going to church. It was a personal thing for me.  I'm a very independent person. I've been on my own since 17 and before I even graduated high school. Anyways, long story short I don't think i've been dealt a bad life or childhood, in fact I think the opposite. I've been extremely blessed. I'm 27 years old and have a great career and make money that my parents only dreamed about making. I always feel like I'm bragging when I say that and I swear I'm not but I am proud of my achievements. I come from a hard-working lower middle-class family.  Nonetheless, I do feel like I don't deserve what I have been given or achieved and I know there's some issues there.  That all stems back to the obesity, I'm not worth  because I'm fat. (God I type a lot.) I have never thought of myself as an atheist but I have always struggled with the existence of the Christian God.  Although, to me, Christianity makes the most sense and has the most scientific backing.  However, I can't shake the do this do that and loss of self. I'm a selfish person and I need to do for me, not for God. Doing for God only gives me temporary happiness, but then doing for myself does the same thing. Oh jimminy crickets I give up, I'm so confused with my thoughts. I should just go spend the money on a psych.  Hey isn't Andrea almost a psych?  I bet she'd be cheaper! :)  I also don't want to blame my mental issues on my obesity but deep down I feel that may be the real underlying issue. Gotta fix it..i'm tryin..damnit it's hard.