Feeeling Down

Hi guys.  I just finished eating a McDonalds big fat didn't even taste that good angus burger.  Oh and the fries and a diet coke.  Silly how we get a diet soda to wash down all that fat and calories.  I think I am having PMS big time.  I just am in a mood.  My sons 8th birthday is next week and I am feeling depressed.  I walked around Target yesterday and couldn't find anything I thought he would want.  I feel bad because all the kids at his school have these big elaborate parties that cost hundreds of dollars and we just can't afford that.  It's hard to explain that to a kid though.  They think we can do what the other kids do but we just can't.  I let myself get to hungry last night and then my blood sugar levels went to low.  I was feeling faint and just wanted to eat something but I didn't want to eat without serving my family there dinner.  I usually have to modify my dinner.  That put me in a mood and it seems like when I am having a hard time everyone else gets moody.  Do I have that much influence over the entire family?  I wish they would pull together to help me and lift me up.  If I shut down or get upset about something everyone else gets quiet and just looks at me.   Well, needless to say I feel like crap.  Eating like that makes me feel gross.  I have a headache and tummy ache.  I don't know how to get out of this funk.  I wish I was at the beach walking with the wind in my hair.  Instead I am sitting here with a messy house, chores to do, and way overstuffed with really nasty food.  Sorry to be such a whiner.  That is not usually how I am.  I feel like I need a good cry.  Defenitely PMS I think.   Gotta go.  Sons school just called.  Bee sting.  Allergic reaction. Pull yourself together now mom.  Your baby needs you.  These are the times when being a mom is more important that my pity party I was just having.  Love you guys.

You're allowed to whine at us.  That's what we're here for.  Whinge all you want.  I know how you feel.  You feel like every angle you look at, there's a problem.  It's frustrating. You'll get out of your funk.  Good luck!

Hey, I vote for the walk...if not the beach, maybe around the block a couple times. Then clean one thing.  I get some massive PMS, too, and it is hard to ride it out.  My yoga-ness helps me (once in a while LOL):  I can say to self:  Observe the bad mood, don't try to negate it, just look at it, the crabby thoughts, the downturned mouth, the fear in other's faces HA!  I mean try to look at your own physical reactions as though you were studying them. I should talk, I am on the edge of binging this week while DH is gone.  i am waiting on some news on a major contract for myself, i'm alone, and I am HUNGRY. For the past two nights, i have eaten the max on my calories.

Hold me.....

Let's hold each other!

Thank you guys.  I want a really big group hug.  There I feel better now.  My sons bee sting wasn't as bad as the school made it seem.  Just a little swollen and tender.  They made it sound like he was in the throws of an allergic reaction and may need medical aid.  I am still in my funk but I am gonna have a serious talk with myself tonight.  I need to slap myself across the face and have a serious dose of reality check.  I can do this.  I will lose this weight and I will not let PMS or birthdays or any other stressful situation stop me.  If I mess up I will get over it and march on.  I will get up tomorrow and go for my bike ride.  Maybe I put on 10 pounds.  So what.  I have lost nearly 100 pounds in 6 months.  I have a lot to be proud of.  I will get past that 100 pound mark.  Maybe not as fast as I want to but I will do it.  Thank you everyone for your support.  I don't have anyone but you guys to talk to about weight loss and related issues.  I find people are very misinformed about obesity and they will tell you things like just don't eat.  I'm sure you guys know people like that in your lives.  I love that I can come here and feel like there are other people who have the same struggles and can relate to what I am feeling.  Losing weight is hard.  I am determined to be a winner in this.  I want to be healthy for my kids.  They are so cute.  They are so proud of me.  My daughter, Sierra said I was looking pretty.  That made me feel so good.  Kids at school already tease my kids about my weight.  It's sick. Have a great night everyone and I'll talk to you all tomorrow I'm sure. 

I thought Mickey D's only used soybean in their burgers..Or was it kangaroo?  So hard to remember these days. :)  I know I have days quite often where I'm just down in the dumps. I have to keep telling myself it's just a bad day and it will pass.  I find that the best remedy has always been to get out of the house and do something productive. Be that exercise,  yard work, shopping or whatever you like to do. Spend some extra "me-time" doing what you like to do. Your family will survive. Tell your family how you're feeling and tell them you're sorry if you've made them frustrated. I know when my wife is in a bad mood I end up in a bad mood too and vice versa.  We all feed off each others emotions.  You've always heard the saying about how negativity is contagious? Well it's true.  So get out there and try not to think about feeling down but rather why you feel that way and do somethign about it. If it was the burger that put you that way remember it's just one meal and it's not going to hurt you.  Hop on that bike and go for a ride like you said! Oh man, I know how your kids feel about other kids teasing them about your weight. I went through that with my mother.  I can still remember it, I felt so horrible.  I was in kindergarten or 1st grade and the school had this day where the parents came to eat with their children. I was so excited that my mommy was coming to eat with me.  I think we had spaghetti that day and I remember showing my mom the chinese grass (bean sprouts) and telling her how they were so yucky and I don't know why they put them on the salad bar.  Anyways while we were eating I noticed the other kids whispering to each other and it wasn't log after my mother less that the ridiculing started.  Kids are so cruel to one another.  I was so embarrassed. I just wanted to die.  I got home that night and told my mother to never come to my school again. She kept pressing as to why and I told her because she was fat the kids picked on me. I still remember the look on her face, god I broke her heart!  She looked like she was going to cry but she held it in and I think she said something like I'm sorry son, I love you and walked away.  At the time I didn't know that I had hurt her but I did feel bad about telling her what the kids had sad. I got picked on bad enough for being overweight but when they saw my mom it got even worse. It wasn't long after I said that that she went on a liquid diet.  She was a nurse and started a program offered at her hospital. I think it was similar to optifast, and it may have even been that.  She lost quite a lot of weight and she was looking great. I was so proud of her. I asked her to come to my school and eat with me again. This was probably a year or so later.  She came and ate and everything was just wonderful. The kids didn't pick on me, at least not about her.  I had apologized to her about telling her what the kids had said about her but I think she saw a whole different side of the picture than I did... Perhaps the one I see now in my own life where I reached a point and said I've got to change.  So see, you've already made it through the hard part, you've already lost a LOT of weight and you're continuing on  your journey. You're doing great and thank you for being such an inspiration to us all!  Don't lose hope, don't despair, just keep moving and pressing on! You'll get there, I know and so do you!

Thank you for your posts.  I have started the day right with some weight control oatmeal.  I am off to take the kids to school then I will go for a bike ride.  When I went to pick my son up from school yesterday the nurse didn't know who I was.  That felt nice.  I was trying not to burp up the onion from that burger.  I think I will pull out my 4x fat shirt and let it be a reminder of how big I was.  I don't ever want to be that person again.  I really was miserable.  I am gonna really push the water today to help clean my system out for a fresh start.  The weekend is here and I want to stay focused.  Have a super Friday everyone.   

Phew speaking of onion burps. My gawd I had a lot of onions yesterday!  I had onions put in my breakfast wrap (along with yummy jalopenos!)  and my sandwich at lunch also had lotsa onions. Phew my breath was stankin!  I'm still putting on my 4X shirts everyday. I like em big though. I think I can now fit in a 2X but I enjoy the comfort of my 4X.  Where I am constantly reminded is my pants. I was in a 46, pushing a 48. I'm now fitting comfortably back in my 44's which is a relief because I have a lot of 44s.  Can't wait till I hit 40 so I can start shopping in regular stores again. And when I hit 38 OMG LOOKOUT MALL HERE I COME! WOOOOHOOOOOO!  W00t w00t !! W000weeewww!! God that makes me happy just to fit in a 38 again! It's not that far away either, even more exciting!

I actually love the taste of onions going down.  It's later that I regret eating them.  I love all spicy food.  I love a good spicy salsa.  Salsa is a good way to spice up healthy food.  You will be in those size 38 pants before you know it.  I haven't cleaned my closet out yet.  I told myself when I hit the 100 pounds lost mark I would bag up the big girl clothes and get rid of them.  Sooo that should be in the very near future. Thank goodness I never got rid of my smaller clothes.  At 320 pounds I was wearing a 4x or a 30/32.  Now I am comfortably in a size 20 and even an 18 in some stuff.  I went for a 1/2 hour bike ride and a 1/2 hour walk this morning.  It felt real good.  As I was exercising I thought about what you said yesterday about your couch to 5k experience.  I couldn't help but laugh.  I made sure I stretched when I was done.  Don't you weigh tomorrow?  Let us know how you do.  Remember every little bit counts.