lost 13 lbs the last 5 days

Wow these last days have been such a roller coaster ride to say the least. If I tell you the long version I would have to write until next week so here is the short version. I decided to end my relationship with my partner, and then I went crazy. I have been on very strong mental medication for the last 6 years, and they are the biggest factor in my weight gain. As you know that have read my blog, then I have had ISSUES, no reason to hide that, and I have always known that I had to deal with them one way or the other, but I have been to damn scared to myself and everyone else to do anything about it. So I have just been eating pills and more pills and then some more the same way as I have been eating the food, and just not facing the facts and deal with them. Something had to give, and it BROKE 5 days ago. Well I did everything I wanted to do. I quit taking ALL my medications, I started to smoke again, I went on a drunk and dope binge, slept with the wrong guy....... you'll get the long version later.... The strange thing is that everything that went wrong went wrong in the right way. As I had to experience all this madness to get whole again. Well now it seems that I have started to get my **** together, and the best part of course is that I lost 13 lbs in 5 days. I guess not sleeping, not eating, screaming at people, attacking people physically that really needed it. Luckily it was no one that I had any relationship with, just a person that attacked me and got all my rage and anger summed up in very intense 2 minutes until someone pulled me with great effort away, TWICE, WOW I have never ever been so angry in my life!!!!!!!, but damn it was good. The funny thing is that I am not even a violent person, but I sure needed that, and frankly I have never seen a person that was so violent to me get scared so fast... And frankly I can understand why.... I guess I need to put some physical activity to me diet... LOL.... I think it is so much better just go out running or something then to beat people up... and maybe I needed to beat people up to realize that I need to go out running... Get it out of my system... I am realizing things as I write, that's the great part of writing things.... And the only reason why I write... and yes of course I enjoy the enjoyment other people have of my writing... Yes I am proud of myself and the thing is that I have a reason to be proud of me... Not because I got silicon implants to feel better about myself, like so many people do, but because I feel so proud of myself in my heart and I don't need to buy anything or to please anyone or to fu... anyone to feel good about myself. Isn't life wonderful!!?