My food-past

My food-past wasn't so great when I think back. I made the classic mistakes of eating the wrong food at the wrong time. First my breakfast: If I had any breakfast to begin with I ate maybe 1-3 hours from the time when I woke up. If there was some leftover chocolate from the binge the night before, I actually ate that, thinking it was so great that at least I had SOME breakfast. Actually felt kind of proud, since I really thought that stuffing something in my mouth at the morning hours would actually help with my weight problem, because I had read that breakfast was a very important meal. Yes that is true, BUT NOT IF YOU ARE ONLY HAVING CHOCOLATE!!!!! GEEEEEESZZZ could all that excess fat I carried have limited blood flow to my brain!!??? Well breakfast wasn't that great. I remember that if I had a toast with a lot of butter and some cheese, then I felt I was eating soooooooo healthy, and the cucumber that I put on my toast that one time every year really made me feel like I was in total control over the food, that I was inch(es!!) away from getting thin, I could literally feel the pounds drop off while I happily ate my toast with 0.1 oz of cucumber and 1 oz of butter. Self-deception anybody?? Well at least I thought that was something you could use on toast. Then there was my lunch, or as I call it: the warm up to the daily binge. If you want to binge successfully (if there is such a thing) then you have to warm up. A chocolate for breakfast could be a good choice for warm up, but having even more chocolate for lunch is also a great warm up. So while I watched that oh-so-lonely orange in the fruit bowl, admiring the strange coloring on it, wondering when it would crawl out by itself (hopefully not attacking me in my sleep), I happily ate my chocolate or when I was a real health-buff I micro waved left-overs for dinner, that was consistent of: Meat, fries and cream-sauce. The main three ingredients in every healthy meal (cough, cough). Oh yes I always had vegetables in my fridge, it is like an obligation so your self-deception can work. "I eat healthy, I even have vegetables in my fridge". Well the vegetables in your fridge DON'T count if they aren't really consumed at all. These are the indicative signs that you probably aren't eating enough vegetables and fruit: 1. You don't even remember buying them 2. When you open the vegetable drawer bats come flying out 3. The vegetable drawer has its own biosphere that involves invertebrate and 3 types of fungus that haven't been detected yet in Iceland. 4. The cucumber in the bottom of the vegetable drawer has evolved consciousness. 5. You really can't tell what the green-red-grey-purple-black thing in the right corner was originally. 6. You are afraid that you will discover Alien life every time you open your fridge (well hell with it, chocolate doesn't even have to be in a fridge). 7. You come home discovering that your fridge has disappeared, only leaving black sluggish goo on the floor, leading to the front door. So people here is the grim truth: It isn't enough to BUY vegetables, you actually have to eat them to get the benefit of eating vegetables. So put that chocolate bar down immediately, kill the thing living in the vegetable drawer, clean it, buy some new conscious-free vegetables and fruits and EAT THEM. Those that are actually eating veggies and fruit on a daily basis (then I mean not only the cherry sitting on top of the cream-cake you had for breakfast) should ignore those remarks and GLOAT!! When I think of the time when I actually categorized chips as vegetables then I cant help wonder, why I wondered I was fat....? I wonder?? Great word wonder... isn't it J And the things that I ate that I thought were so good for me. When I actually thought that if something said "DIET" on the package it meant that I could eat 50 oz of it and still lose weight because they probably put some magic ingredient in it that actually would make me lose weight if I just ate enough of it. Well it was just the same junk-food as the thing it was trying to imitate, maybe with a little less fat or less calories, or less sugar, but still junk. When I actually thought that eating a strawberry ice-cream counted as fruit, because it said strawberry!! When I thought that a little chocolate bar wouldn't hurt.... Well if you are having 5 in one day IT WILL HURT!! The self-deception is a powerful thing. When I constantly thought "this wont hurt, it's just a small piece, I am only having.... "Well in fact every little thing that goes in your mouth WILL COUNT because all those little thing are for sure going to add up into a calorie count, fat count, sugar count for one day, for one week, for one year... That will when added up be way over the calories, fat and sugar that you should actually be consuming to lose weight or even maintain. One little piece once a week or once a month or once a year don't hurt in the long run, but one little piece every day, or several little pieces every day will for sure make you gain excess weight. My self-deception also made me think of some food choices as invisible. I knew deep down that they would make me gain weight, that this was the food I should absolutely not be eating, but I made it easier for myself to eat this food, I quieted down the reasoning voice in my head, by making this food invisible. Kind of "once in the mouth, forgotten for always" thing. I just made myself forget about the bad food-choices I had, just to be able to constantly indulge in binges without having to deal with my consciousness. That was one of the reasons why I was able to get to 400+ lbs (183 kg). It was not until I changed my diet that I was able to face my choices and tear down the self-deception, so it could never hurt my nutritional choices again.