making peace

Hi all - I spent memorial day weekend at my "fat camp" down in Durham, hoping to brush up and renew my commitment to healthy living. Its a diet center that helped me get on this whole lifestyle change deal. It was so nice to be there - it reminds me of how far I have come and that in the long run, I'm a success story and that my current 7 lb gain is just a bump in the road (less now). I am relieved its not more than that and am hoping I can get back on track and be back where I'm comfortable (~160). I decided that I just need to make peace with all of this and start living my life rather than letting my weight/exercise/food issues rule my life. All of my anxiety and fears about gaining weight and trying incessantly to figure my body out (getting body fat tests, metabolic rates, tracking every single bite etc) has become counterproductive. I'm working out way too much and eating only like fat free, sugar free processed crap and way too much of it at that since I am not feeling satisfied. This deprivation mode drives me to eat way to much when I do eat out since I only go out maybe once a week. All of this is only taking me further away from where I want to be and stressing me out. So my new plan is to try to relax and surrender some of the power - and its been scary as heck! I am not tracking my calories and am limiting gym time to only once a day for no more than 55 minutes. And I'm going to try to take a day off once a week. I'm trying to eat real food - so for my evening dessert, eating peanut butter on a slice of bread rather than sugar free pudding and free everything cool whip. I need to trust myself and know that I know what I'm doing and can control myself without such crazy restrictions. So we'll see how my new plan goes. It's only been a few days but so far so good. I am definitely feeling much less anxious in general. I actually used olive oil for the first time in years the other night. Small strides... If you've read this far, thanks. andrea

Good luck with your new plan. I still have anxiety about not loosing more weight too. I am trying to think with the reasoning part of my brain more and less with the emotional part. Lynette