My Story: Redux

Hey Gang I was browsing here on Obesity Help, unwinding from class, (Rah Rah Rah.. Go Hawks, Go Monmouth University !!) ....and discovered an area (a message board) called the 50+ BMI message board (or something like that). I was really touched by some of the stuff I read there, and wrote a long version (sort of a different angle) of what has happened in my WLS surgery Journey. SO if you have a few minutes (make that like 20 minutes ITs LONG) and want to know a little about my story... read on. Otherwise give it a pass : ) Hugs to all you NJ peoples, see you here on the NJ board when I post later on Weds. Chao Timmy Ray ------------------------ (the following post was originally posted on the 50+ BMI board here on www.obesity help.com) early on 10-5-05. Please note this when you read things specific perhaps to that board. My Home is the NJ board.....*this Board*... but hey its good to visit other boards. Jersey ROcKs : ))) Timmy Ray :PPP ----- Hello My name is Timmy Ray, and I am a 9 month POST Op RNY WLS patient. I wanted to share my story, to encourage *anyone* that is trying to get the surgery. I grew up in Oregon, then I moved in November 1998 to Iowa, where I lived for six years. I could tell you about my highest weight (810 pounds, with a BMI of 103.9 ) before I was diagnosed with sleep apnea (in about 1992-93), or I could tell you about the inital weight loss of about 150 pounds to my weight of 650 pounds, (with a BMI of 83.4). I could tell you about being stuck at 650 pounds for ten years, until surgery. But I would rather start with my WLS Surgery, December 22nd, 2004. I was able to walk only short distances. I had three assistants, via visiting nurses and a couple other groups, that helped me with personal hygene, and dressing, toileting, errands and shopping. I had a wheelchair, a walker, and was one of the most lonely people on earth. I had: Edema in my legs, Type II Diabetes, Sleep Apnea ( a near fatal case and I still use, for now, a BI Pap machine) Chronic fatigue, Light affective disorder, Depression I lived alone in a small town in Iowa, where the snow gets deep and the natives are friendly but never have seen people with a 100 inch waist much less 650 pounds and six foot two inches tall. Basically there were days I wanted to just fade away. I was desperate. I had tried and tried to find a surgeon who would do RNY surgery for me, Open, laproscopic, distal... any form at all. I was always tired,and I had absolutely no friends. You might think that I exaggerate, but I am serious. I spent christmas alone for four seasons in a row. I finally found an excellent surgeon in Waterloo, nearly 150 miles away. Waterloo Iowa. I had been previously insulted, ignored, and treated rudely. And that was just at the hands of DOCTORS. Generally I hid out, and I slept often 20 hours a day. I had struggled along with distance learning, going to first community college and then University via distance learning and the internet. I started a physical therapy program because insurance, disability and title 19 (medicare and medicade) would pay for that, but not otherwise pay for a chance to get into a swimming pool. I worked hard, but after almost a year of 3x a week I lost only 50 pounds. I scheduled the surgery for December 22nd, because I figured, hey If I croak... at least it will be during a happy time that will attract the least amount of attention. (hey I was in a dark place). The surgery went well. I had some pain, and at first it was hard to tell anything was happening. I started hanging out on the Singles Board here on Obesity Help. I met a lot of people, talked to folks, learned about WLS and how to deal with things (protein intake, vitamins, water, exercise) I met a woman, a wonderful lady who had surgery in March 2004 (RNY Open, in PA) and got to know her. I was really surprised that she wanted to talk to me (yeah I had some self esteem issues eh?). I met her in February 2005, about 90 days out, having lost 75 pounds. I traveled to New Jersey, in May 2005, arriving in New Jersey May 3rd. I was down about 120 pounds by May 16th. Guess what? I married the lass : ) We got married May 16th, after a whirlwind courtship, and its been super. I have made three trips to Iowa, the last one the first week of school, driving my Chevy Astro Van back finally to New Jersey to stay. So whats the answer? GET THE SURGERY. Get evaluated. Keep trying. Write letters. Ask questions. Talk to people , here on Obesity Help, in real life (off the boards so to speak), talk to doctors, watch the Discovery channel and TLC when they show weigh loss related shows. Do internet searches about WLS, and other weight loss issues. LEARN. Get as much information as you can find out. ADVOCATE for yourself. Encourage other people with what you learn. Develop and learn empathy for others with our issues. Know that if you KEEP plugging away, it WILL happen. Dont take no for an answer. I sought help for years, like 13 years. I sought SURGERY for over 5 years, and actively for about 3 years. I FINALLY found a surgeon who performed the surgery about 9 and a half months ago. Whats changed? Day of Surgery 601 pounds and a BMI of 77.1 TODAY 420 pounds and a BMI of 53.9 Day of Surgery I was a 8x or 10x size clothing. TODAY I wear a 3x or a 4x size (top and bottoms, respectively) Day of Surgery I was unhappy, and I wanted just to be able to exist without being teased, ridiculed, able to walk more than 100 feet, and able to participate in life. TODAY I walked in a obesity walk 2.5 miles long and felt OKAy afterwards two weeks ago. And was thrilled to be part of a great support group that met and fellowshiped during and after the walk, in Toms River NJ. Day of surgery I didnt think I would ever have friends again, much less a R-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p or find someone that loves me for *ME*. TODAY I am married for 4 months to a woman who loves me just because I am me, heavy or thin : P And its going *wonderful* Day of Surgery I was Diabetic Type II, on meds for it, taking Wellbutrin AND prozac for Depression, living alone, and really really depressed. TODAY I am no longer on meds, my diabetes has disappeared (to stay I hope) I dont have edema in my legs, and I can drive my wifes 2nd car (a subaru Legacy GT 1998, leather interior woo woo woo). Today I am happy. Not done, but happy overall and thrilled to be changing, still SUPER obese at 50+ BMI but I have lost 181 pounds, (so far) and still losing consistently 15 - 20 pounds a month. I am in graduate School (yes it is true, sports fans, I Graduated..well sorta.. they have to mail me my diploma from Western Illinois University (Go WIU). I will be someday a K-5 teacher (hopefully 5th grade). I didnt know this board existed, (the 50+ BMI Board) normally I hang out on the NJ state board. I felt that a lot of people that are 50+ BMI (especially the 80+) BMI folks sometimes think that it is unsurrmountable... or that no one cares. Or that after denial after denial... that it will *NEVER* happen. Get Denied? Appeal. Write the company. Write em again. Write em again and again till they wish your zip code will fall into the sea. Write your Congressional or state leaders, and urge them to support efforts to require companies to allow WLS surgery, and restrict them from preventing it on a whim. Most of ALL... DONT give up. Dont Quit. Keep Fighting. Guys.... I am just an average dude. I STILL have to lose more weight than a lot of our WLS brethren start out needing to loose, about 220 pounds MORE. Yet, the quality of my life, and my overall health is SOOOOOO much better. This Surgery is LIFECHANGING. The more you are focused and emotionally determined to USE it as a tool.. the better you will lose weight, the better it will work, and the more stable weight wise you will wind up long term. Support is crucial. I used here. www.obesityhelp.com The Singles Board, and now the NJ board now that I am an old married dude : P. But there are a LOT of people here on OH that can and WILL help you. But you have to reach out, and post. Come share your victories. Share your hurts, and your rough days. VENT. Relate a story, an antedotal experience, or even yell a little (just remember to respect the terms of service and not attack anyone... but a little venting occassionally we ALL need : ) I still hurt. I still have down days. I still deal with issues in life. LIFE is not perfect. But if my story can help ONE person feel encouraged, and not give up then its worth it. I dont think it was ME.. I dont have like a over active EGO that all this has become reality for me because I am like... entitled. Rather I thank God each and every day for this web site, for the people in the WLS Community, and for the surgery. And I thank God for my wife who is loving, kind and giving, but strong enough to kick my boo tay when I need it (luckily she is also very laid back and so FAR (fingers crossed) I havent needed it. The kicking in the Hiney.. I havent needed. Much. As yet : P Much. (naw, really she treats me like a prince, I only hope that I can learn to be worthy of such treatment, and maybe someday truly worthy of her : ) YES I am worthy, but hey... Sandi is unique, one of a kind, and truly deserves the best in life and the best in a hubby. I desire to learn and to grow UNTIL I can be that person for her. I love you Sandi J ))) Sandi is phenomenal (yeah I cant spell but you get the gist) She is truly a person of fantastic personality and a wonderful, skilled, empathetic, and beautiful lady. Sandi is a gem, and has lost 160-170 pounds, and it is my good fortune to be blessed with her in my life : ))) As for my worthyness ...I do pretty good in some areas, but overall.. Im not THERE yet : ) (better? no more emails saying **oh Timmy you ARE worthy... I tried to say it ... better : P) :P My best to everyone, Please feel free to contact me, email or click on my profile, which is at http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=S1046844253 God Bless you, and I hope that you have a super Day : ) Timmy Ray