2 Yrs Out - Snacking - Overeating

Ok -- I suspect that whatever I write here will be a cliche, but here goes. I had surgery in June 2003, started at 336 pounds, got down to a low of 152 in early March of this year, after my lower body lift in January (which I love the results from). However, despite having a brachioplasty and BA/BL in May, and a medial thigh lift in June, I have gained weight and am now fluctuating between 160 and 163. All the swelling has done down. Now this is not a mystery -- I know the reason -- I am definately snacking and eating more, and exercising less. I still keep track of my intake on Fitday and sometimes am so alarmed by what I see. I go to my support groups and "talk the talk", but am having more and more difficulty "walking the walk lately." We all know that's how we gained so much weight before, knowing what we had to do, but not having the "strength" to do it. I think getting off the exercise track while I was recuperating from plastics helped contribute to the present problem. Also, my fiancee has a bit of a weight phobia, hence I have resorted to some (not lots) of "secret" eating too -- not a good sign I know! Add to all the above is that while I was married I didn't drink very much since my DH was a recovering alcoholic and I didn't want to drink around him. Since his passing, I have started to drink socially again, and while not a lot or overdoing it, my new social life includes drinking several ****tails most weekends. Since alcohol is just more empty calories, it contributes to the problem too! I would like to break the 150 mark and then realistically stay below 170 for the rest of my life -- I think this is realistic at 5'5". Whenever I say I would like to lose another ten pounds, everyone says "WHY - you look great." Maybe the compliments help me to rationalize when I snack too much -- ????? Perhaps I need a kick in the ass from my old-time buddies here -- anybody have any ideas that could help get me in gear! This seems like such a petty plea since I KNOW what to do, but can't seem to get it going -- this has been going on for several months now. Perhaps we can start our own "Daily Challenge" for each other and help keep each other on track. What do you think? Any other ideas?

Nanette, Could you be sabotaging yourself re: your fiance's weight phobia? In other words, could you be conflicted about *something* in that relationship that is causing you to snack too much. I dunno what - that of course is just something that I'm wondering about and putting out on the table. Could you feel that you don't deserve happiness so you're trying subconciously to drive him away? Or another angle could be since you know he has a weight phobia you're trying to test him to see if he loves you for you and not just for the number on the scale? It seems to me that this could be the entire reason behind your inability to get back on track. I don't know that I could honestly keep up with a daily challenge. Perhaps a new habit of the week might be a better thing for me. irene

Nannette, I am not as far as you in my journey, so the issues you are having have not been an issue for me. I do know snacking is something I will try to avoid because I feel once the old habits come back they are hard to get rid of again. I left your post alone for a couple of days hoping that someone else in your same position would respond with a supportive answer. It is a good thing that you know that there is a problem, you are admitting it and trying to face it head on. That is the beginning, unfortunatly at this point I can't give you a solution but I think facing it is half the battle. The only thing I don't understand is why you would be engaged to a man that has a weight phobia, knowing where you were at one time and all the discimination that goes along with it. How could he possibly even begin to understand where you are coming from? Maybe his lack of understanding is driving you to eat more then you want to. Just something to think about, I am sure he is a wonderful man but if your weight is what brought him to you, then maybe you need to think about him and what affect he is having on your thought pattern. I wish I could help more, try to stay strong and focus. We are all here for you if you need us. Please keep posting! Take care, Jean

Thanks for your support Jean (you too Irene). I mention his "phobia" in my original post because I am aware of it, but I really don't think it is the crux of the problem for me - but I throw it out there anyway! Let me clarify my comment about my fiancee. First of all, when we first met last Fall (on a blind date), he had no idea of my past weight problems and made some comments about "large" people in general that pissed me off. By our second date, I had told him about my WLS, how much weight I had lost, that my excess skin was an issue for me, and that I was planning PS for it. It took him by surprise, but we talked about it at length. The first time we were intimate, I too, insisted we talk afterwards about whether the skin was an issue for him. It was, but he had already found that he had fallen in love with my head and my heart, but was glad that I had plans to deal with the skin -- not for him, but for me. Throughout my PS earlier this year (all four of them), he took care of me, nursed me and supported me. We have had very candid discussions about weight in general and the real possibility of me gaining weight again. One of the things I love most about him is our ability to communicate and discuss problems or possible issues. He has let me know that he realizes as I get older it is inevitable that I will gain some weight back which is acceptable; but he hopes and prayers that I will never let myself become morbidly obese again - (both for myself and for him!) I can't imagine that happening after all I've been thru, but I want to nip in the bud any backsliding that may get out of control, so I felt that by "coming out" with what is going on with me, I could help myself get back on track.

I'm glad you clarified the fiance issue and it seems to me after what you write that it is NOT the crux of the problem. You are a wise lady to take EVERYTHING that you can possibly think of and put it on the table, so as to leave no stone unturned in your quest to get yourself back on track. I am sure that you will get yourself back. You're using the best method too-accepting personal resposiblility for your actions and making yourself accountable! I know you WILL get back on track! all the best, irene

Well hopefully "coming out" will help you get back on track and I am sure you will as it seems you are a stronger woman then I will ever be. I am not sure of when weight became an issue for you but I have been fat my whole life besides a few brief periods I was able to diet. I guess if your weight struck later in life then your fiancees issues with weight would be easier to deal with. I just know that if I went on a blind date with someone and he made a comment about large people, that would have been it for me. I would have said good-bye right then and there. Obviously you felt as though he was worth trying to educate and I commend you for that. It just concerns me when you make this statement.... "but he hopes and prayers that I will never let myself become morbidly obese again - (both for myself and for him!)"..... because what if you do become morbidly obese again???? Yes he took care of you after plastics but will he take care of you if you do gain it all back or will he leave you????? I just don't think it's worth having a man that isn't going to be by your side no matter what. My opinion, I know. But maybe something to think about. I hope you follow the path your heart takes you in and you continue to be as happy as you deserve to be. Sincerely, Jean