What would you do?

Need some feedback here. I have been contemplaing WLS for some time now. Have gone to informational meeting and even scheduled a consultation with the surgeon if choice. Had to cancel consult due to conflicting schedule with one of my four children. Never rescheduled. My delema: Am I being selfish to my kids if I take time out for this surgery? (four kids ages, 16, 12,3 and 1.5) I also babysit a 1.5 yr old as well. My oldest is in the middle of the college search thing, the 12 yr old has behavior issues we are dealing with (seeing specialists) and is very involved in competetive sports throughout the state, then there are the little ones who need constant attention as well. I just feel like it might be the wrong time to do this. But I'm so tired all the time and find it difficult to keep up with the little ones. I am an older mom for such little ones too. That is the main reason for the thought of WLS. Staying healthy to see the little ones grow into adulthood. I would love some feedback from others who have been there. Anyone with young children who had WLS please respond. Selfish mom of 4, Nancy

Nancy, I too am in the early stages of researching surgery for myself. I have a son who is 11 and a daughter who is 10 so I do not have the exact same issues you have with having really little ones. But I do think about my children CONSTANTLY as I consider wls. I worry about so many things. Their father now lives hundreds of miles away in Wisconsin so my mom helps me care for them along with my boyfriend. I worry about what would happen to them if I did not make it at all. Or if I had a bad outcome. They also have weight problems and I want them to try at their young ages to get healthy before they come to the same point that I have. I don't want them to think "hey it is ok to get really fat you can just go get an operation when you need to". I want them to understand this is not an easy alternative for me but probably my one last life line. And how to do all of this without scaring the crap out of them? I plan on discussing all of this when I eventually get my psych evaluation.It may prolong my process and possibly put me and them in for some family therapy but if that happens so be it. You may want to consider something like this yourself. Good luck and keep us posted, Kathy

Nancy, My kids were 5 and 4 at the time of my surgery so I didnt have to drive them anywhere except school. Everyone heals different but a couple of weeks out of commision shouldnt be a problem for your kids to deal with. Your kids might not understand the pay off in the end but your little ones will be more than helpful when mommy has a boo-boo! Hopefully you can really on family and friends to help you out too.. you wont be able to lift your little one for a while but I had no problem letting them climb up next to me in my recliner to snuggle. Maybe you can schedule surgery in the summer when school is out? Lots of luck to you. Keep us posted! ~Kristin

Nancy, I think that anything we do for ourselves feels selfish especially when, like me, you have always been a stay at home mom. My children are 17 and 18. When I told my daughter, just the other day, I was thinking about the surgery and that I had appointments for consultations. She cried, she seemed to think that something in our life would change. I explained to her that it would but only for the better. I will once again be able to do many of things with her that I really can't do without much difficulty, like spending the whole day in the mall. Jumping on an airplane to go to Florida just because the rates are cheap along with many other things. I also told her that I would be happier and healthier and probably live alot longer then if I continue on the way I am. My son is at college and I will tell him this weekend. I think he will handle it better then her but I am sure it will be a little scarey for him too. I don't think it's easy to do anything when you have kids but this is one thing you need to do for yourself and in the long run everyone will be happier for it. So my advice, go for it, I am!

I am a working Mom of 5! I know I always put off things that I want to do for me. My PCP gave me a stern lecture one day, told me how I need to take the best care of myself in order to care for my loved ones. So I am passing this advice on to all you Moms!! Make yourself #1 some of the time. If having WLS will help you be a more active, healthier parent then you should go for it! love, linda

Hi Nancy, Ok, take anything I say with a grain of salt. I don't have children and I am also pre-op. Put here is my opinion. Obviously you are doing this to strengthen your health and to lengthen your live, and therefor lengthen the time you can be there for your kids. Think of it as doing something for them as well. Don't think of it as selfish. What is it they say on planes(not that I've been able to fit on one for a while, but..) If anything should happen and your air masks fall from the ceiling, please put on your own first, then those of your children and family members around you. You can't take care of them if you don't take care of yourself. It's a really good point. I hope that you make the best decision for YOU. The healthier and happier you are, the better and longer you can take care of your children Good luck. Michelle

Nancy~~You are NOT selfish to think of your health, you are doing this in part, I would think, for your family. I haven't had my surgery yet, so I can't tell you how you will feel afterwards (but it seems like everyone is different anyway, and no one knows how they will feel afterwards), but I am a mom and I can tell you that there will never be a "perfect" time to do this for yourself. You may just have to assess your suppport system and determine how you can work it out to focus on yourself for a few weeks. Hopefully your family will be supportive and you have friends you can call on, too, to help a bit. Good luck with your decision!!! Sara Hopkins.

I had my surgery last March. I've gone from 266 to 151 pounds. I have more energy, yes. But I also am more patient and more kind. The weight I carried made me miserable in ways small and large. It made me lazy, it made me secretive, it made me ashamed. It sapped the life out of me. I don't have children. Seeing how I live my life now, and comparing it to my old life -- if I did have children, I would not have wanted my old life to be their example.