New & Scared (actually very scared)

I'm dealing with feeling hopefuly after having my consultation with Dr. Herron at MSH and also feeling really depressed that it seems to have "come to *this*". I'm going through with the pre-op checklist (evals, nutrition...etc) because it can't hurt - but I haven't made up my mind yet. [Let me just state - that Dr. Herron was amazingly awesome - so none of this has to do with him. It's all internal...] Last year I went to a Low-Carb Nutritional Doctor and had GREAT success on doing a true Atkins diet. It's was the only diet that has ever gotten my blood pressure down, blood work in check and my energy levels up. Not to mention I was able to stick to it for almost 6 months - longer then I have on any other diet in my life. I lost about 40 pounds but just couldn't maintain the induction phase that I would need to (approximately 1 year) to loose the majority of my weight. So I fell off - like every other diet. More depressed, though I have successfully kept off 20-25 of the 40 I lost - so it wasn't a complete failure. I've never had surgery before and the whole concept is really scary. Though my consultation with Dr. Herron this week was fab - he's a really great guy - I just don't know if this is going to help. I don't know what will. NutriSystem, Jenny Craig & Weigh****chers are a complete joke (at least for me) - consistently raised my blood pressure and never got energy back. Atkins, as much as fully support the health benefits - as I saw them first hand (for myself), is just too difficult to maintain for a year. How do I know this is the right decision? That this time it will be different? That I'll have the will power to stick to the diet? I've lost so much faith in myself due my weight - I just don't know if this will do the "trick". I am so fatigued all the time, so tired, and very down everytime I have to go into: "Casual Big & Gross" (my little nickname for the place, because I hate their clothing AND their COSTS!). I can't seem to control my cravings, I'm always hungry and that is one of the reason I'm leaning towards surgery - because of how those seem to get controled a bit. I feel I've done so much damage to my body that I need to "reset" it. Start over, never abuse sugar and carbs every again, and learn to love my veggies. And I just don't know if this will provide that "reset". At 29, 295 pound, I've wasted every day, almost every hour of my life worrying about, concerned about or addressing my weight for the last 15-16 years. I just want to free-up that "space" to fill it with something else - like playing sports again (my joints and back kill me). I'm missing out so much on life because of emotional and physical boundaries of being Obese (first time I've ever called myself that...). Every since I had the consultation, I'm really leaning more and more that this might be right decision. But it's so scary. Dr. Herron said my risks are fairly low due to be fairly young and decently healthy (minus blood pressure and joint & back pains). Still, I'm a nervous/anexious kind of guy - I try to go to the nth degree with every decsion I make in my life. I don't want to feel like this is the last resort because I've been such a failure - but that's what I feel like at the moment. Kindest Regards, Chris www.christopherlarkin.com P.S. I know this post was somewhat of a downer - rest assure, I'm usually a really happy, good natured guy. The whole WLS debate in my head has kept me up the last few nights.

Hi Chris- I think everyone on this board has gone through those kinds of feelings, at least I did in the beginning. The feeling that you've "given up" and took the easy way out. I have had several people, my husband included (a 400+ lb man), tell me I took the easy way out. Like you I've been on all the diets out there. Nothing helped long enough to get a chunk of the weight off. The fact is weight loss, including after WLS is NOT easy. After surgery you still have to fight to get the weight loss, but not as hard You still have cravings but I find better alternatives. I think you make better choices after the surgery because you have to in the beginning, or end up sick! (not something I like to do at all) And later down the line, you like the results, are trying to get to a goal and that motivates you to stick to your plan. WLS has been a wonderful tool for me. If I had to make the choice again, I'd do it all over again. Good luck to you Chris. Don't look to this as your last resort. Look to it as an amazing tool that will change your whole life. Keep us posted and welcome to the board -Janine 320/175/150?

Chris, well welcome to the site. I have been overweight since Iwas 8 and i am no 49. I have choosen this path as I am not planning on being my sister at 60 400pounds and handicapped. I think there comes a time when you know you need to take control of your issues. you will learn valuable information on this site from very good people who have lived what your living with. My surgery is Tuesday and yes i still ask myself is it the right thing to do?? I think about Ellen my sister on a handi capped scooter who can't walk 10 feet without sitting down and I say to my self YES it is the best and right think for me to do. I looked at your web site your a very nice looking guy, don't beat yourself up. you remeind me of me always making jokes or the smart a-- renarks. The surgery is not a cure but a helping tool to get you where you wish to br. you have to work hard as hell to get there and maintain a lifestyle which keeps you there with excersize (whichI have not done since High school) and controled dieting as well as maintence care with vitamines and proper eating habits. So it is not a "trick" but a working tool for you to take control of your body and you lifestyle and your health. your young and so much to look forward to. I have a son 26 and one 30 i wish I could have had this done in the 80's when I was your age but being asingle parent it was not an option as I could not take the risk because i had my sons to raise. So now at 49 i am taking this journey, why don;t you think POSITIVE and join me because we sabatoge ourselves with the comments and really i know deep inside like me you hate the way you are just like i have all my life. so don't beat yourself up no more just look forward and never look back and you could be on the way to a total new begining, I hope this is taken in the spirit it was meant. Beleive me i have walked in your shoes ALL my life. good luck and god bless joycelyn

Chris: I invite you to read my profile. We all go into making this decision with some fear. I would be lying to you if I did not tell you this. Once you make up your mind to have surgery It's up to you to maintain a positive attitude and have faith that you will be successful. There will be people who will try to talk you out of it but once you make your decision, stick to your guns. Yes, there are risks, just like any other surgical procedure, but the benefit of getting your life and health back is worth it. Jesse

Oh my gosh! As I was going into surgery, I was asking Drs for something to calm me down! They kept saying "yes in a little while" Apparrently they know more than I. It ended up being so much better than I thought. I'm a little over a week post op and doing great! I always get so worried and worked up. Then it seems to come out better. Prayer works great too. Carol

Hey sweetie, Just go for it. I think you have already realized what the rest of knew when we went for the surgery. People like us are in need of some real help. I will say if you think there is even the slightest chance that you can do this on your own, then give it one more try. This surgery is no joke and it is a permanent lifestyle change. I find myself thinking about food quite often but the truth is even if I wanted to go and overeat like I used to, I couldn't. This is not a dress rehearsal, you only go around once so get happy already. I went to the doctor 5 weeks post-op and I had lost 43 lbs. That's all I needed to hear to know I made the right decision. Just make sure you've done all the research so there are no shockers and make sure your surgeon is really on the ball. This board is good for both of those things. Good luck and keep us informed.

Thank you so much to everyone who has replied and been so INCREDIBLY supportive. I understand that this is a permenant change, but I have a stupid question... After my body heals - will I ever be able to enjoy-in moderation- the foods I love. (Like Pizza) Or will I be on soft & diced foods for the rest of my life. Now, I'm not saying I want to go binge... But I enjoy some foods, and I'd love not to over eat them - but I also would prefer not to remove them permenantly. ie: Instead of 5 slices of pizza, enjoy and be full on one. I'm trying to understand what long term food options will exist? Me being nervous again thinking I'll never be able to make and enjoy my Grandmother's Baked Rigatoni recipe. How have people dealt with changing the mind set of "I have to eat this amount, because it's what I usually eat." For example, taking Pizza again - I usually eat 4-5 slices - and therefore everytime I order pizza I eat 4-5 slices. It's become a "self-expectation" (if that makes sense). Doesn't matter if my I'm hungry or not - I'll eat it. Even without realizing it. I suspect some thearpy with a professional on body image and food abuse would be the trick... But I'm wondering what other's thoughts are. Regards, Chris Larkin www.christopherlarkin.com

Hey chris (again! LOL) What got me through the first 6 mos was "this is not forever, I can have ______(insert favorite food here) later down the road". After the first couple of months, you can basically go back to pizza and sweets and all those favorites (depending on which surgery and the individual persons body) which is great and stinks at the same time. Great because I love pizza (used to eat 4-5 at a sitting) and now I cant even finish one slice but the taste sometimes is worth it to me. It stinks because, well, you really shouldn't eat those foods we love so much. My friend is 5 yrs post op and he still has all the weight off. He "treats" himself every once in a while to a couple (2) slices of pizza or a chocolate bar but its a rare occasion for him and he says its worth it to give in once in a while to the cravings. I trick myself now and have a piece of sugar free chocolate or sugar free cookie to get over the craving... no, they dont taste the same but when you havent had real chocolate in 10 months, anything taste great! I haven't been on soft foods since 1 1/2 to 2 months post op. I have steak (although a very small piece) chicken, and yes, even macaroni once in a while This board is very helpful to lots of people (myself included) but the majority of post ops that post on the main message board (although I love them dearly) have thier mentality set on "now" and scolding bad behavior and not on the "long term". My surgeon says it doesnt make sense to think you'll never have a piece of bread again, or a piece of cake at a wedding, or a glass of (diet) soda or wine with dinner. Even rail thin people take a break and enjoy every once in a while! The key with this surgery is making good choices and pray that the choices will become your new habit and follow you "long term". A typical day for me now 10 mos postop-it changes alot- just wanted to give you some idea. Breakfast- 1/2 small banana and a protein shake or 1/2 cup yogurt Lunch- tuna or shrimp salad over a green salad or 1/2 sandwich on toast or a wrap or SOUP- I've become a junkie snack- couple of pretzels or some nuts (almonds usually) Dinner- Chinese- beef and broccoli about a cup, sauce on the side and about 1/2 cup white or brown rice- or 3/4 of chicken cutlet with veggies & salad- or 1/2 cup spagetti w/ a meatball. Snack- sometimes popcorn or no carb sugar free ice cream bars. Preop I wouldn't even be close to full at any of these meals! Sounds like a regular "diet" right? Now because I have my tool, I can stick to it. Not a stupid question at all!!!! Keep em coming! -Janine

Hi Chris, I was a 3 slice girl myself, a few weeks ago I had a really strong craving for pizza I ate about 2/3 of a regular slice. I wanted to eat the whole pie but it was not gonna happen. I love to cook and eat Italian food but I will admit pasta can be a little rough. It fills you up so quickly, but sometimes just a few bites will be enough. I am 8 weeks out and I just had some nice chunks of beef with broccoli, mushrooms, and a little brown rice. Eventually, assuming your surgery has no complications you should be able to eat some of your favorites from time to time. Moderation is the key. I have learned to eat correctly most of the time. I go off on special occasions but being stuffed is very uncomfortable. You'll see. Many times when my stomach is full my brain wants me to keep going. You'll get used to that also. This website is like having your own personal therapy group at your disposal, stay on it and stay cool. I think it's gonna work out fine.

Hi Chris, Welcome to the site! Having WLS is a MAJOR step for anyone. I started looking into surgery back in 2002 & just had mine on Jan 19th & I feel WONDERFUL!! I'm only 2yrs younger than you & we both have so much to live for. Why wait for diabetes, heart attacks, etc to set in when you can do something about it now. I'm not trying to make your decision for you, b/c only you and you alone can make this choice. It's funny that you should mention pizza in your examples, b/c that is what I have been CRAVING for almost a week now, but you know what's different about this surgery than WW, Jenny Craig, etc. You cant have it right away, so the cravings pass quickly. In the beginning, it is a risk to cheat on any food other than what the Dr allows (and yes, they are all different). On WW per say, you cheat & the only person who loses is you and your wallet, you dont have that option in the begining w/WLS. The great thing about this site is we have alllll been in your boat before, some of us are still in it & other have gone to the "other side"(had surgery). You will know what the right thing to do is, check out the site,visit different boards & you will learn lots of info. Amie