POST OP PROBLEM WITH BEST FRIEND

Hi Everyone By now you all know I am home and doing very well. But I am having a very hard time with my best friend who is also my roommate. I have posted before about her strong convictions about this surgery being "wrong" and you have all given me so much support. Well now that I am post op I expected her to see I am fine and healthy and doing well with this so therefore she would stop being such a b^%$!. Well that hasn't happened, she is completely out of control with the way "she" feels . The night before my surgery she wrote me a letter saying how I was always a fighter and now I am giving in and how I never gave her a chance to show me her way to lose the weight and how wrong it is in the eyes of God. I am ready to blow guys! She told me it feels differnt now because my "parts" were messed with and I went against her beliefs and changed my anatomy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. On a serious note I am so deeply hurt by her and feel at this point in separating myself from her and the so called friendship. I have had a very difficult life and allowing someone to get close to me like I did her was a huge step for me. Now I feel like I have to let her go and it hurts me so bad. I have made so many positive changes in my life these past 2 years and this was the biggest and most important and it really hurts to have someone I considered so special to me continuously hurt my feelings . Thanks for listening and as always you guys are the best, God Bless all. Susan

Susan, You know what honey, there are always going to be "Debbie Downers" in this world, no matter what you do, you can't make them happy. However, you did this for you and not her. From what she appears to be saying, her thoughts to you seem to me like jealousy. Is she or was she a big girl at one point? She very well may have been afraid for your and the risks that surgery brings, and she may be scared of the unknowing of the future. Maybe you too were/are so close that she is afraid your gonna change with your new body and mind set. But for her to say you altered your body against God or something is just plain weird. This surgery has always been and probably always will be controversial in alot of people's eyes. I have said it before and will say it again to anyone that has negative thoughts on the surgery - "Walk one weekend in my shoes as a heavy person, endure my depression, my pain, my humility, then come back and tell you you don't feel differently". As for you, you made that step, your surgery is over and your new life is about to begin and what a roller coaster ride it will be. I had my surgery over a year ago now and went from 277 and feeling awful to 140 and oh my god, I can't even say how wonderful I feel now. My life changed two fold and I learned to ignore the naive comments from people that only had negative to say. I wouldn't necessarily end your friendship/living arragngement with your friend, but I think that I would set some boundrires and say, listen, your either going to support me or not support me - the choice is your, but I WILL NOT TOLERATE YOUR BERADING ME FOR MAKING MY OWN DECISION TO SAVE MY LIFE. Tell her that this was your choice and your thrilled to have made it. I use to live in Morgan, NJ (sort of grew up there, now in Willingboro) are you a native of the area? How old are you, your picture looks so familiar. Tara - [email protected] if you ever need support, I will be your angel.

Tara, Thank you so much for your letter. You gave me alot to think about and consider. I will be taking your advice and I'll let you know the outcome. I grew up in Old Bridge and went to high school at St Johns in Holmdel. I am 36 yrs old. I will definately keep in touch and thank again Tara, your success is so much an inspiration!! Susan

This woman is NO longer being a friend to you, and you need to let go of the unhealthy relationship, no matter how painful it will be.....she will not be supportive of your decision, and you cannot continue to be friends with someone who does not support your life choices.

Hi Linda I agree with you to a point. Is it really the right way to be. I am trying to separate the differences right now as best I can. I don't want to hurt her just for the sake that she is/has hurt me. If it continues then yes, I do need to separate myself. Thanks so much. Susan

SUSAN!!!!!!!!!! you look great! Im so happy everything went well for y ou with the surgery ... but then... we knew it would ;) Your friend is Jealous .. Maybe you depended on her a little before surgery and being fat unhappy and unhealthy made her believe you would always need her .. now that your life is a more positive direction.. and you gain self esteem and better health .. she may be afraid of loosing your friendship. BUT ... this is her problem .. not yours .. Please stay positive. Tell your roomate you understand she has different opinions than you do.. and now that you have heard them .. you prefer she keep them to herself. Surgery is done .. so she cant change that now if she wants to work on your relationship. she will have to accept that its done and support you ... or .. Move on . This is a great step you have taken for yourself Susan .. you wanted this for a long time .. and here it is Congratulations.. we are proud of you. Use this recovery time to take care of YOU . God BLess Dawn

Hi Dawn Thanks for the very nice things you said. Everyone is commenting on my new pic. If you really look at it you will see I chopped all my hair off..lol. My hair was to my waist and now, well let's just say it's short. I cut it mostly because of the possibility of hair loss side effects with surgery thinking it will be easier to care for blah, blah. And thanks for your feedback, you gave me alot of things to really think about. Susan

Susan, You are not going against God's will doing this. I believe God has given this as a gift to us. I am so sorry to hear your roommate/best friend is being so difficult. I agree with Dawn and think she is really jealous. You can't be responsible for her feelins only your own so thank God for this gift and love your friend as best you can and listen to your heart regarding separating from her. You'll know what is right. Try and get to a support group if you can, I know you work late but you might be able to make one while you are healing. Take care of yourself and be strong. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers! Sherri

Thank you Sherri, you always seem to say the right thing and just what I need to hear. God Bless. Susan

Susan, Losing weight sometimes changes the dynamics of a relationship. Maybe she is afraid you'll move on without her, or maybe she will not feel so superior to her "fat" friend any longer. Perhaps she is threatened or just has these very personal religious beliefs, but you will have to set boundries in any case. Does she have a pastor you can speak with? I don't see how any religion could encourage these beliefs unless she belongs to some cult or something. Maybe this pastor can counsel your friend to be more accepting and supportive. But whatever happens with your friend DO NOT let her sabotage your wt loss; if you discover this is happening you must be prepared to move on. Good luck. JG