Very upset, need some support badly...

It seems there is progress being made with my surgery approval so I decided to speak to my best friend about it. Needless to say she is very against it and seems to feel obligated to always tell me about the risks and reasons why I shouldnt do this. She even went so far as to say, what if I become seriously ill and require care for a long time? Who will care for me? And what if I don't make it through the surgery? It makes me so sad because she is my best friend, she is like a sister to me and it would mean the world to me if she would just be there with me through this journey. She feels I am taking the easy way out and said since she has known me she hasnt seen an effort to loose the weight on my own. She seems to feel that "she" can guide me through weight loss and help me become thin and healthy. What about the 20 yrs of trial and failure I have been through??? I explained to her that this is what I really want and I am fully aware of the risks and willing ot take my chances. This wasnt a split decision for me, it is something I have thought about and researched for a very long time. But it is close to impossible to really help her understand and respect my feelings. I am so upset by this and can't stop feeling so hurt and upset. I am so greatful for this support through this website, because we can truly understand how we feel and what we go through with our weight issues. This surgery is anything but "easy", it is a tool and a life changing experience. She is just waiting for me to "see her way" and do the right thing according to how she feels, but this is my life and my health. With all of your support and God in my life anything is possible, thanks for listening....

Oh SUSAN!!!!((((HUGS))))) I truley know how you feel ....I have gotten this from the person I consider my very best friend ...my husband...I have resorted to not talking about it with him...we both know its inevitable but I think he is just scared of loosing me....Please vent anytime...it's worse to hold it all in...and in the slump I've been in lately I have been VENTING quite a bit.... XOXOXOXOXOX Christine

I think you basically have to level with your friend. Tell her that you weren't asking for her opinion about surgery, you were hoping to have her support. And if she is unable to be supportive, then she really needs to understand that you want her to KEEP her opinions to HERSELF. No matter what her personal feelings about wls are, this is about YOU, not her!! irene

HI Susan we are surgery date buddies ! I know .. its hard when you cant confide in your best friend and get the support you want.. thin people or people who never had weight problems dont understand our frustration. they truely believe we just dont eat right .. they dont understand the metabolism thing and the yo yo diet thing. but WE know GF. we have all been thru it .. so we know we are in the right place at the right time . When ever you need support im here for you.. we are starting this journey together .. so we can compare notes! feel free to email me when ever you want. Dawn

Thank you and everyone else who has been so supportive. Like you all know this is such hard time going through all of this. And your support menas the world to me. By the way are you going to the wls convention this saturday in NYC?

boy oh boy do I know how you feel. My sister, who'se a recovery room RN, and who'se never had a weight problem in her life (size 6!) had me dead and buried. Begged me not to have this surgery. My surgery was May of 03, for christmas that year she gave me spending money in a nice card with this note in it . . . thank you for not letting me talk you out of this. Hugs, Linda

hey susan, dont let your friend get you down, people do not understand how very hard it is to finally decide to have this surgery, i did not tell too many people that i was having it , but of the few who did know, some did have objections , and said what if you die, you dont need to loose 100 lbs. blah, blah, blah, it is your body your decision. trust me, if you are a healthy overweight person, and your doctor is good, chances are you will be fine(even if you do have some complications), in my experience on a few different web sites a good majority of the people do not have complications,(of course it can happen)....i wish you all the luck in the world!!!!

Susan One word of advice listen to your heart and what you want. I had a weight problem all of my life. I tried everything. Now at the age of 54 I had the operation 15 days ago. I explain it as an out of body experience. I got all my information from my doctor, support groups and this site. I knew I had to do something or I my weight would get higher and higher. Friends and family just do not understand. Only when you have been battleing this problem you entire life you understand. I never had an operation so I was scared but I had no problems, no pain, and a good recovery. This is not easy and like you said it is a tool. Listen to your heart and everything will work out for you. Positive atitude is what is takes Take care Kathy

Don't feel bad, I had this very same discussion with my best friend my sister. Let me start by saying only you truly know what pains and struggles with your weight issues. There are those who will encourage you to do things their way, however stand up for self and sometimes "you gotta be your own best friend" and do what s right for you. In the end they will either love you for you or show you who they really are and not support your decisions! You go Girl! You should be proud of yourself!

Hi Susan, i'm kinda in the same boat except its my husband. He lost his job just weeks after we found out his insurance covered this surgery, from the day we found out he has done nothing but scream at me refuses to work (figures i will not be able to self pay for insurance and pay the bills to) i have been self paying my insurance and all the bills. i don't have 1 dime to my self but if something doesn't get paid it will be the bills! I have worked to had to get here i am approved and my date is july 30th! My Drs nurse told me i should bring my husband next visit and my daughter told him this was about me not him he did not want this and refused to accept it so i will be doing this journey with my family . His problem is i think that i won't have to be dependant on him to help me with everything so he won't have anything over me. Just remember Susan your the one who has to live in this body and how much healthier we'll feel when we get rid of this extra baggage! Don't let anyone discourage you from being the healthiest you that you can be! Meet ya on the losing side Denice