From my Heart Original P...

From my Heart Original Post by Daniel Otte at 10:18 PM PST on 06/12/2004 Latonia, KY A Starry Night A Starry Night I'm alone a thought of you as come alone within deepest thoughts of you, being so near we all reach out to you, to see our goals, to see us clear you have reach out to all of us, to comfort us from our fears now the time has come and you are no longer here to the lost of our ANGEL, we have learn to have no fear I will walk this world into to the nights hoping to be, comfort for those who has no sight of our chance for a normal life will be our fight Daniel 2004 My thought from my heart To the honor & encouragement that Paula* Momma Angel* has giving me, on not to give

Daniel, I am so sorry that I did not have a chance to get to know Momma Angel. I just joined this site 4 days ago. Your poem is very touching and heart felt. It made me cry! could you tell me about Momma Angel and her legacy? I think the best rememberance for someone who has passed is the passing on of who they were and what they stood for. I would love to know all about her Hugs Diane

Momma Angel was a insperation to many. I was honor to keep in touch with her thru my rough times. Paula encourage me to continue and not to give up. Paula - Momma was very helpful. Paula was not able to afford this surgery. This is a crime of the power of the rich and money. What I understand if Paula was able to get this surgery she would have a chance to live a normal live again. Moma Angel was a stong lady to consol others. To our insurance companies we are just a number. I am a fight tore these insurance companies. The Ceos have brought own over $50 million dollars in a year. This is messed up Please read on about Paula Momma Angel and she will still be here on Obesityhelp.com in spirit, and in my eyes she will be the brightess star of the night. Thank you for ur response. Daniel March 2002 I first want to say I have been over weight all my life. I went on my first diet at the age of thirteen.I wanted to start junior high by not having the kids call me names like they did in grade school.I was up and down with my weight.After I married I started putting more and more weight on with each child I had.My father pass away because of lung cancer.I smoke like he did.This really put fear in me that I could die the same way if I didnt stop smoking.I was able to stop,but found I starting gaining more weight again.I started eating in place of smoking.At the age of 51 my weight was 500.I was very ill I didnt realize just how sick I was till I got a bad leg infection.I went to ER because I was in so much pain.They admitted me because they thought I would have to have my leg removed to save my life.As they were moving me to my room my heart and my lungs started shuting down. My four children were call to the hospital because they didnt think I would make it though the night.By the grace of God I did.I was in ICU on a ventalater for two weeks.I went home losing 100 pounds in two weeks.I lose another 70 pounds within two more months.I found out I had stop breathing so much while I slept it damage my heart.My heart was so weak water pooled in my legs till it formed sores that cause the infection,I went from 500 to 315 in about three months.I was doing so good. I started having alot of pain which doctor told me I had fibromylaigia, I went through a time of depression and having to go to the hospital because my heart would go into Afib, I would have to have my heart shocked back into normal beat.I became so discouraged I just gave up trying to get my health back.I regain part of my weight back I now weigh 400.My doctor ask me about having weight reduction surgery.He said I have five years of medical information that I would need for Medicare would aprove.I could fine only one doctor that would except my insurance.I went to the first session they wanted new people to go to.I told them I wanted to have it.I got a letter in the mail that said that Medicare insurers had to pay $2400. up front before they will begin to put me through their program.I have been on disablity for five years. We dont have that kind of money.I felt very bad as I had such great hope I could have this.I have always beleive there were reasons why doors our shut.I was told I could turn all my health problems around if I got the weight off.I made up my mind I dont want to in up in ICU again.I decide to start my journey without the surgery.I found being a part of this group gave me the strengh to start taking control of my life and making right choices for my journey to being a healthy person.I have been eating right and I can tell I am losing good.I cant get my weight till my weight gets down to where my doctor scales can record it.My last record of my weight was when I was in the hospital in May of last year it was 414.My doctor told me my heart is just going to give out because it is already weak from my sleep disorder and its to hard on my heart to carry this much weight.I know not everyone can stay on a diet to lose weight I dont even know if I can keep going till I reach my goal of 147. I got to try as my children can not deal with losing me.I cant hurt them any more.I am expecting my tenth grandchild in July I want to see him.I feel for now I am doing good with my weight loss. I still leave the door open for weight surgery in the future.I feel any weight I can get off by then, will help me to have a better recovery. Oct.27.2002 I thought it was time to up date my profile as to what is going on in my journey since March when I first posted here. I went through a time of feeling so much dispear because I didn,t have the money for co-pay for surgery and my self diet lasted only two weeks before I blew it again. I just felt like why even try anymore. I found myself starting to have health problems. I stop leaving the house and even attending church which has really been my strength during hard times.I didn,t like where I was going if I didn,t get refocused I would in up back in the hospital again.I never want to be in ICU again on life support like I was.The words the nurse said to me when I was leaving ICU brought tears to my eyes.She said we see people like you all the time you will be back only next time you will leave in a body bag.I made up my mind with Gods help I do have other choices not just death or surgery.I am high risk for surgery the way I am now.I now have the money I need for surgery.I prayed about it and I feel the Lord is leading me to a healthy life style.I love meats fruits and veggies.I couldn,t understand why I couldn,t be happy eating these food and just eat less carbs and avoid fats.The Lord told me two things were my problem one I eat alot because I am board two I limit myself to much of food choice diets.I started keeping busy doing surgery pages and spend alot of time sending and receiving e-mail. This fills my day along with taking care of family things.Sometimes I get so busy I have to make myself stop to eat.I have been very creative with my healthy food choices.Another problem I had was I am alone five in the morning to five at night.It was easier for me to grab a carb meal, then cook better choice food. I now take time to prepare all different food choices at once store them in the frig. so I have the food ahead of time I only have to heat quick in the Mic.This has help me alot.I have a meat two veggies one fruit for supper and dinner at night I add one carb I never eat breakfast so I just drink a can of Boost protein drink.I missed pop as I drank it all day.I replace it with water and sugarfree popsicoes. All these changes have help me stay on a healthy program for me.I am now in control of my eating its not controling me.I am not calling it a diet, I am calling it healthy life change. My faith in the Lord is my scorce of strength.He said I can do all things throught Christ who gives me strength. He has shown me my failure was due to me trying to change me not Him changing me.I don,t know where I am going from here. I am doing it one day at a time.I have the means to have surgery if it comes to that.I feel for now I got to get in better health. I have abused my health too long and its time to make some positive changes to restoring my health.I am feeling so much better I am back going to church and living a normal life not just hidding out in my house waiting to die to end my suffering. I have already gone down a size in my clothing looking forward to getting my weight. May 8,03 Well I am finally up dating my profile. You folks keep me so busy supporting you for your surgery I don,t have much time to up date. I messed up on my diet again for awhile.I have been sick all Winter. It started out going to the hospital in late Dec. with a lung infection. I was their five days. Sure missed you folks.First thing I did was check to make sure that everyone had enough support on their page before their surgery. I took along time to recovery from my lung problem. My biggest problem is dealing with Fibromyalgia. I am in pain all the time. This keeps me from being as active as I need to to lose weight. It makes getting the weight off harder.I was shocked that I gain more weight then I thought I did during the time I was discourage and wasn,t eating like I should.In late Dec. while in the hospital I was weighted 450.The only time I can get weighed is in the hospital as they are the only ones that have scales to fit my size. I am now through much prayer refocused. I was trying to get my health better to prepare myself for surgery because I am very high risk for surgery. I have been doing really well on my healthy eating life style change.I have been feeling so much better. I don,t gasp for breath just walking from one room to another. I have been going out of the house. I hadn,t been out the house since Dec. and then it was because I had to be put in the hospital.Last week I got a letter in the mail telling me I know longer could have Medicaid insurance. My husbands brother bought us a new car. We our low income due to me being on disability so we have only one income. He knew we needed a decent car for my husband to get to work.I was told by Medicaid because we have a car valued over $1,500 I could know longer have coverage. We can,t afford insurance so. I will not be having surgery now. I am not discourage as I am doing well on my healthy life style diet and I know that if its in the Lord plan for me to have surgery he can make away. He is not limited by Medicaid like me.So for now I will continue to draw from the Lords strength to take back my health again. June 16 I have always beleived when doors our shut their is a reason for it.I like many of you have wanted to lose weight but never could stay on a diet long enough to reach my goal.I thought surgery was the only answer but ran into problems because my insurance was cancel. My weight was up to 450 when I was weighted in the hospital in Jan.I had put on another 50 pounds over winter.I was so sick as my heart was failing due to years of over working it trying to keep up with a body three times bigger then it was meant to take care of.I became very depressed my kids were very worried because they could see how sick I was.I had reached a point where I knew I couldn,t keep going like I was and live. I spent alot of time in prayer as being a Christain I felt bad that I was such a poor witiness that I was so out of control in the area of eating the right foods.As a Christain we our suppost to take care of the temple the Lord gave us. I looked at where I was, sick and so out of control with my eating. I said to myself no food is worth being as sick as I was. In the past I hated dieting because I loved my carbs like many of you. This is why I felt I couldn,t stay on a diet long.I wanted my carbs more then losing. For the first time I wanted to get well more then eating carbs. I rid my home of all carbs and only had foods that I knew were healthy for me. When I took this step and I really meant it deep in my heart that from that day on I was going to take better care of my health a change took place in me. The Lord showed me that he couldn,t help me till I was willing to want to change. He is a loving Father that will not cross our wills but, once I wanted to change then He is now giving me the strength to change. Something broke off me I don,t fully understand but what ever kept me so out of control is gone. I don,t have cravings like before.I don,t see food like I did before. I have total control of my eating.It not a warfare going on in me.Food is not the big deal it was before. For the first time in my life I am free from the power that food had over my life. I now wonder why I would be so out of control that I put my health at such a great risk just to eat foods I like. I don,t fully understand what took place in me but from a spiritual side I felt that once I made up my mind to change the Lord has given me the power to make the changes I needed, to take back my health.Its been two months now since I had this change in my heart. I have not had one desire to eat wrong foods. I eat healthy.My main food is protein then veggies and alittle fruit.I am losing weight good. I can,t weigh myself but I am seeing changes in my health already. I can buckle my seat belt in my car where before I was about six inches from reaching it to snap it. I can get in and out of the shower easier when I shower. My clothes our getting looser everyday. Its such a awesome thing.I can get around good. I now leave home where before I was too sick to leave my home.I don,t even look at my eating as a diet I am just chosing healthier foods. For the first time I know that I am not going to fail this it away of life for me. I no longer live like I did before out of control.I thank the Lord everyday for helping me.I know that the Lord works through surgery too. He has many ways to bring us to better health he has chosen this way for me.Please I know you guys care about me and I know you have been worried about my health by trying to help me find away to have surgery. I get alot of e-mail on it every day.Know one beleives that this is a life long change that I will blow it and have problems. I love you guys your some of the most caring folks I know but this is real. Surgery is a last resort I don,t need to put myself through surgery and all that pain if I can do what I am suppost to to get back my health.I have never been so happy in my whole life. God is good. I now understand what He meant I can do all things through Christ that GIVES ME HIS STRENGTH. I still want to be here for all of you to incourage you on your journey to a healthier life as long as you want me around.I need all of you to incourage me too. We all desire the same thing to be free of our life of obesity. We may go their a different way but we our on the journey together. I am a mircle in the making. July 25 I am still doing awesome since the Lord has set me free from the life I once had.I can,t tell you how wonderful it is to be free of the hold wrong food choices had on me. I dreamed of this day to have control. Its not just having strength to say no to bad food choices,I have peace in my mind. The battle I fought is over.I no longer fear I am killing myself with food. I didn,t fully understand what took place in me but the Lord showed me a child sitting on the floor crying his eyes out because he broke his toy and couldn,t fix it. The more He tryed the more it broke. His Father said, son give it to me. I can fix it. The child kept trying to do it himself only to get more flustrated.He finally realize their was no way he could fix the toy, he broke so bad . The father said here give it to me I can fix it for you.The child finally handed his Father the toy. The father fixed it. He showed me that the child was me and the toy was me trying to get control over my weight. The more I tryed on my own the worse it got. When I finally realize I couldn,t do it in my own strength, I finally gave it to Him. All it was is coming to the place I realize I couldn,t fix the mess I made with my health. Now I am trusting Him to do it through me.I can now look back and see every thing I have gone through with my weight problem, was preparing me for this day.I have been through almost everything most of you have suffered.As a child I had to wear older peoples clothes because back then they didn,t make pretty plus sizes. I was laugh at and called names. I married the first guy that ask me for fear if I didn,t marry him he might be my last chances to marry because guys don,t like fat women.I started putting on more weight with each child.After four children my husband told me he didn,t love me anymore because I was too fat.He devorced me. I know the pain of rejection. I spent two weeks fighting for my life in ICU on life support.I now can look back and see everything I been through is now being turn around for good. When I get a e-mail from someone that is hurting. I can say I know how you feel I been their. I now can say their is hope. You don,t have to suffer any more.I am now going through a healing process. I don,t have to comfort myself with food anymore. I have been through some ruff things this past month. I found that the Lord can not only fix those things I am not able to do, but He can fixes things that we go through with loved one. I am learning to rest in Him. I was living a lie. Food never comfort me. It just robbed me of the goodness life has to offer, when you have your health.I have been so blessed by others in Amos. Some have ask me does Momma Angel get support back for all she does. I get back more. I love all of you. It doesn,t matter how we reach our dreams, we our on this journey together. The Miracle lady goes on.I will get weighed in Sept. when I see my doctor. The Lord said cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you.LORD BLESS July 31 I just can,t beleive how easy it is when you give your toy to the Lord. I am really enjoying my journey.I am happy to report I have had my first really big improvement in my health. Some of you knew some of you didn,t. I was on oxygen 24/7. I now no longer have to be on it during the day. I still do at night because I breath so light I don,t get enough oxygen.This to me is a big burden off me. I hated dragging my oxygen tank everywhere I went.I can walk alot longer without sitting down because of the pain and being so short winded.The Lord is doing such a wonderful work in me.One of my goals is to get healthy enough to help out with my grand daughter that is on life support. That is who Meggie is on my e-mail.The Lord not only is restoring my health he is doing a healing on the inside of me. I have really been through alot of pain in my family lately. It would have really made me run to food for comfort. He is teaching me how to face pain and trust Him to work everything out. I no longer stress out on food like before.I am learning not only to give Him my weight problem but to give him everything.I can,t wait till Sept. 16 when I go to my doctor. I will have a big surprize for him.The miracle lady goes on.I have been so blessed by the love I receive in this site. You guys our so awesome.Lord Bless March 20 It,s been a while since I last updated.I have had alot going on since last I updated.I was in the hospital a couple of times. Once for a lung infection and the other was for my heart.I was told I had to get back on oxygen.It was very discouraging. I have had alot of painful things going on in my family.One that my sister I was close too died. She was the last of my family.Its been hard dealing with her lose.I know she is happy and out of pain now.Its just so hard as she called me alot. Having the phone not ring like it did before really bring it home she gone. We were only 13 months to the day a part.Normaly I would run to my comfort food. I don,t know why we call it comfort food.I always felt worse after I stuffed my face.Even though I have been really going through some very painful things. I am seeing the Lord doing a work on the inside. For some reason we grow more during the hard times in our life.Maybe it because we draw closer to the Lord during those times.I am now facing things not stuffing them down with food.I do what I can and what I can,t I give it to the Lord to take care of.Like he said. Cast all your care upon Him because He care for you.He said He wouldn,t give us anymore then we can handle. What He is really saying is give them to me and leave them their.I am doing really well on my healthy life plan.Sounds better then diet.Some how when I hear diet its means fail.The last I was weighed in Aug. I had lost another twenty pounds bring the lose at 70 pounds.I don,t know now what it is because my home scales and doctors scales don,t go that high.I usually only get weighed when I am admitted to the hospital.Its a real trick for me to even stand with my feet together and having Fibromyailgia on those scales. Its for the best that I don,t know.I know that not being able to be more active the weight will come off slower. I don,t care as long as I am in forward motion.I have desided that after much prayer the Lord is leading me not to have surgery.I could get the co-pay if I chose to have it.I just feel the Lord has a reason for me to walk with him through my weight lose.Eight years ago I went on a healthy life plan . I lost 170 in only three months.I ate healthy no drugs to lose.I kept active all the time helping two churches.I was doing so well.I made the biggest mistake. My son ask me to come stay with him and his family on Mack Island. I love it there so I did.I didn,t have much money due to being on disablity.He ate a high carb high fat diet. Island food cost three times more so I had to eat what they had. I soon got into the carb trap again. I kept telling myself when I got home I will get back on my diet again.When I got home I started getting bad reports about my heart and I found out I had Fibromyailgia. I became very depressed. I didn,t even want to try anymore.I was thinking why kill yourself dieting when your body is shot.I call it stinken thinken.The next eight years I started gaining all the weight back.I tryed at different times to get going but felt I lost that one on one I had with the Lord that was behind the first lose.At first I thought about surgery But deep down inside I felt the Lord saying no.I realize That the Lord was showing me That He wants to help me understand and heal these mine sets and things that trigger me into failure when I tryed to diet.I see now that he has shown me how to eat healthy. Now he wants to heal inside so I won,t fall into these traps that pull me into poor choice foods.I am learning alot about myself I see these pattern of thinking that causes failure.I know now I can reach my goal as long as I stay focused on him. I know now how not to fall into these mine sets that would pull me into unhealthy eating.I really love healthy foods.I feel so much better when I keep carbs out of my diet I do allow one carb at dinner time. If I eat the one carb late it doesn,t trigger me into wrong choice foods. I have a new heart doctor I started with.The last time I was in the hospital to convert my heart . They desided to run a scope down my throat to make sure I had no blood clots in my heart before they shocked my heart back into normal beat.He told me that my heart is in good shape. I had no blockage of any kind which is very strong in my family on both sides. This is what caused my sisters death at 56. He said we don,t know why your heart gets out of beat but they have seen it alot in people with sleep disorders.I ask him I was told eight years ago I had conjestive heart failure.He said its not true.He said your heart beats strong and you have good blood flow in and out. I either got a healing from the Lord or someone goofed big time. I been made to beleive I could drop dead any time with my bad heart and weight.That was music to my ear and it reinforced my desire to do everything I can to restore my health.The miracle in the making goes on.My little Meggie will be three pretty soon. She has out lived the doctor report by two years now.She a little fighter like her grandma. Now I hope all you guys that were bugging me to update our happy. Profile put together by Sherri Garrett on 2/24/04 If you'd like your profile spruced up you can write to one of the fine HTML Volunteer's here at: [email protected] Photos Surgeon Info: Surgeon: Randal Baker, M.D. I was told he was a good surgeon by my doctor. That he is very careful to cut down the risks of any problems such as blood clots and infections. I was never able to meet him in person as he will take Medicare but you have to pay $2400. up front before he will start you through the things you have to do before surgery.I dont have this kind of money.The office said I would be refunded what Medicare pays but I could still be respondable for part of surgery bill that Medicare wouldnt pay.I checked around he was the only one who said he would except Medicare. Insurer Info: Medcare aid

Momma Angel was a insperation to many. I was honor to keep in touch with her thru my rough times. Paula encourage me to continue and not to give up. Paula - Momma was very helpful. Paula was not able to afford this surgery. This is a crime of the power of the rich and money. What I understand if Paula was able to get this surgery she would have a chance to live a normal live again. Moma Angel was a stong lady to consol others. To our insurance companies we are just a number. I am a fight tore these insurance companies. The Ceos have brought own over $50 million dollars in a year. This is messed up Please read on about Paula Momma Angel and she will still be here on Obesityhelp.com in spirit, and in my eyes she will be the brightess star of the night. Thank you for ur response. Daniel March 2002 I first want to say I have been over weight all my life. I went on my first diet at the age of thirteen.I wanted to start junior high by not having the kids call me names like they did in grade school.I was up and down with my weight.After I married I started putting more and more weight on with each child I had.My father pass away because of lung cancer.I smoke like he did.This really put fear in me that I could die the same way if I didnt stop smoking.I was able to stop,but found I starting gaining more weight again.I started eating in place of smoking.At the age of 51 my weight was 500.I was very ill I didnt realize just how sick I was till I got a bad leg infection.I went to ER because I was in so much pain.They admitted me because they thought I would have to have my leg removed to save my life.As they were moving me to my room my heart and my lungs started shuting down. My four children were call to the hospital because they didnt think I would make it though the night.By the grace of God I did.I was in ICU on a ventalater for two weeks.I went home losing 100 pounds in two weeks.I lose another 70 pounds within two more months.I found out I had stop breathing so much while I slept it damage my heart.My heart was so weak water pooled in my legs till it formed sores that cause the infection,I went from 500 to 315 in about three months.I was doing so good. I started having alot of pain which doctor told me I had fibromylaigia, I went through a time of depression and having to go to the hospital because my heart would go into Afib, I would have to have my heart shocked back into normal beat.I became so discouraged I just gave up trying to get my health back.I regain part of my weight back I now weigh 400.My doctor ask me about having weight reduction surgery.He said I have five years of medical information that I would need for Medicare would aprove.I could fine only one doctor that would except my insurance.I went to the first session they wanted new people to go to.I told them I wanted to have it.I got a letter in the mail that said that Medicare insurers had to pay $2400. up front before they will begin to put me through their program.I have been on disablity for five years. We dont have that kind of money.I felt very bad as I had such great hope I could have this.I have always beleive there were reasons why doors our shut.I was told I could turn all my health problems around if I got the weight off.I made up my mind I dont want to in up in ICU again.I decide to start my journey without the surgery.I found being a part of this group gave me the strengh to start taking control of my life and making right choices for my journey to being a healthy person.I have been eating right and I can tell I am losing good.I cant get my weight till my weight gets down to where my doctor scales can record it.My last record of my weight was when I was in the hospital in May of last year it was 414.My doctor told me my heart is just going to give out because it is already weak from my sleep disorder and its to hard on my heart to carry this much weight.I know not everyone can stay on a diet to lose weight I dont even know if I can keep going till I reach my goal of 147. I got to try as my children can not deal with losing me.I cant hurt them any more.I am expecting my tenth grandchild in July I want to see him.I feel for now I am doing good with my weight loss. I still leave the door open for weight surgery in the future.I feel any weight I can get off by then, will help me to have a better recovery. Oct.27.2002 I thought it was time to up date my profile as to what is going on in my journey since March when I first posted here. I went through a time of feeling so much dispear because I didn,t have the money for co-pay for surgery and my self diet lasted only two weeks before I blew it again. I just felt like why even try anymore. I found myself starting to have health problems. I stop leaving the house and even attending church which has really been my strength during hard times.I didn,t like where I was going if I didn,t get refocused I would in up back in the hospital again.I never want to be in ICU again on life support like I was.The words the nurse said to me when I was leaving ICU brought tears to my eyes.She said we see people like you all the time you will be back only next time you will leave in a body bag.I made up my mind with Gods help I do have other choices not just death or surgery.I am high risk for surgery the way I am now.I now have the money I need for surgery.I prayed about it and I feel the Lord is leading me to a healthy life style.I love meats fruits and veggies.I couldn,t understand why I couldn,t be happy eating these food and just eat less carbs and avoid fats.The Lord told me two things were my problem one I eat alot because I am board two I limit myself to much of food choice diets.I started keeping busy doing surgery pages and spend alot of time sending and receiving e-mail. This fills my day along with taking care of family things.Sometimes I get so busy I have to make myself stop to eat.I have been very creative with my healthy food choices.Another problem I had was I am alone five in the morning to five at night.It was easier for me to grab a carb meal, then cook better choice food. I now take time to prepare all different food choices at once store them in the frig. so I have the food ahead of time I only have to heat quick in the Mic.This has help me alot.I have a meat two veggies one fruit for supper and dinner at night I add one carb I never eat breakfast so I just drink a can of Boost protein drink.I missed pop as I drank it all day.I replace it with water and sugarfree popsicoes. All these changes have help me stay on a healthy program for me.I am now in control of my eating its not controling me.I am not calling it a diet, I am calling it healthy life change. My faith in the Lord is my scorce of strength.He said I can do all things throught Christ who gives me strength. He has shown me my failure was due to me trying to change me not Him changing me.I don,t know where I am going from here. I am doing it one day at a time.I have the means to have surgery if it comes to that.I feel for now I got to get in better health. I have abused my health too long and its time to make some positive changes to restoring my health.I am feeling so much better I am back going to church and living a normal life not just hidding out in my house waiting to die to end my suffering. I have already gone down a size in my clothing looking forward to getting my weight. May 8,03 Well I am finally up dating my profile. You folks keep me so busy supporting you for your surgery I don,t have much time to up date. I messed up on my diet again for awhile.I have been sick all Winter. It started out going to the hospital in late Dec. with a lung infection. I was their five days. Sure missed you folks.First thing I did was check to make sure that everyone had enough support on their page before their surgery. I took along time to recovery from my lung problem. My biggest problem is dealing with Fibromyalgia. I am in pain all the time. This keeps me from being as active as I need to to lose weight. It makes getting the weight off harder.I was shocked that I gain more weight then I thought I did during the time I was discourage and wasn,t eating like I should.In late Dec. while in the hospital I was weighted 450.The only time I can get weighed is in the hospital as they are the only ones that have scales to fit my size. I am now through much prayer refocused. I was trying to get my health better to prepare myself for surgery because I am very high risk for surgery. I have been doing really well on my healthy eating life style change.I have been feeling so much better. I don,t gasp for breath just walking from one room to another. I have been going out of the house. I hadn,t been out the house since Dec. and then it was because I had to be put in the hospital.Last week I got a letter in the mail telling me I know longer could have Medicaid insurance. My husbands brother bought us a new car. We our low income due to me being on disability so we have only one income. He knew we needed a decent car for my husband to get to work.I was told by Medicaid because we have a car valued over $1,500 I could know longer have coverage. We can,t afford insurance so. I will not be having surgery now. I am not discourage as I am doing well on my healthy life style diet and I know that if its in the Lord plan for me to have surgery he can make away. He is not limited by Medicaid like me.So for now I will continue to draw from the Lords strength to take back my health again. June 16 I have always beleived when doors our shut their is a reason for it.I like many of you have wanted to lose weight but never could stay on a diet long enough to reach my goal.I thought surgery was the only answer but ran into problems because my insurance was cancel. My weight was up to 450 when I was weighted in the hospital in Jan.I had put on another 50 pounds over winter.I was so sick as my heart was failing due to years of over working it trying to keep up with a body three times bigger then it was meant to take care of.I became very depressed my kids were very worried because they could see how sick I was.I had reached a point where I knew I couldn,t keep going like I was and live. I spent alot of time in prayer as being a Christain I felt bad that I was such a poor witiness that I was so out of control in the area of eating the right foods.As a Christain we our suppost to take care of the temple the Lord gave us. I looked at where I was, sick and so out of control with my eating. I said to myself no food is worth being as sick as I was. In the past I hated dieting because I loved my carbs like many of you. This is why I felt I couldn,t stay on a diet long.I wanted my carbs more then losing. For the first time I wanted to get well more then eating carbs. I rid my home of all carbs and only had foods that I knew were healthy for me. When I took this step and I really meant it deep in my heart that from that day on I was going to take better care of my health a change took place in me. The Lord showed me that he couldn,t help me till I was willing to want to change. He is a loving Father that will not cross our wills but, once I wanted to change then He is now giving me the strength to change. Something broke off me I don,t fully understand but what ever kept me so out of control is gone. I don,t have cravings like before.I don,t see food like I did before. I have total control of my eating.It not a warfare going on in me.Food is not the big deal it was before. For the first time in my life I am free from the power that food had over my life. I now wonder why I would be so out of control that I put my health at such a great risk just to eat foods I like. I don,t fully understand what took place in me but from a spiritual side I felt that once I made up my mind to change the Lord has given me the power to make the changes I needed, to take back my health.Its been two months now since I had this change in my heart. I have not had one desire to eat wrong foods. I eat healthy.My main food is protein then veggies and alittle fruit.I am losing weight good. I can,t weigh myself but I am seeing changes in my health already. I can buckle my seat belt in my car where before I was about six inches from reaching it to snap it. I can get in and out of the shower easier when I shower. My clothes our getting looser everyday. Its such a awesome thing.I can get around good. I now leave home where before I was too sick to leave my home.I don,t even look at my eating as a diet I am just chosing healthier foods. For the first time I know that I am not going to fail this it away of life for me. I no longer live like I did before out of control.I thank the Lord everyday for helping me.I know that the Lord works through surgery too. He has many ways to bring us to better health he has chosen this way for me.Please I know you guys care about me and I know you have been worried about my health by trying to help me find away to have surgery. I get alot of e-mail on it every day.Know one beleives that this is a life long change that I will blow it and have problems. I love you guys your some of the most caring folks I know but this is real. Surgery is a last resort I don,t need to put myself through surgery and all that pain if I can do what I am suppost to to get back my health.I have never been so happy in my whole life. God is good. I now understand what He meant I can do all things through Christ that GIVES ME HIS STRENGTH. I still want to be here for all of you to incourage you on your journey to a healthier life as long as you want me around.I need all of you to incourage me too. We all desire the same thing to be free of our life of obesity. We may go their a different way but we our on the journey together. I am a mircle in the making. July 25 I am still doing awesome since the Lord has set me free from the life I once had.I can,t tell you how wonderful it is to be free of the hold wrong food choices had on me. I dreamed of this day to have control. Its not just having strength to say no to bad food choices,I have peace in my mind. The battle I fought is over.I no longer fear I am killing myself with food. I didn,t fully understand what took place in me but the Lord showed me a child sitting on the floor crying his eyes out because he broke his toy and couldn,t fix it. The more He tryed the more it broke. His Father said, son give it to me. I can fix it. The child kept trying to do it himself only to get more flustrated.He finally realize their was no way he could fix the toy, he broke so bad . The father said here give it to me I can fix it for you.The child finally handed his Father the toy. The father fixed it. He showed me that the child was me and the toy was me trying to get control over my weight. The more I tryed on my own the worse it got. When I finally realize I couldn,t do it in my own strength, I finally gave it to Him. All it was is coming to the place I realize I couldn,t fix the mess I made with my health. Now I am trusting Him to do it through me.I can now look back and see every thing I have gone through with my weight problem, was preparing me for this day.I have been through almost everything most of you have suffered.As a child I had to wear older peoples clothes because back then they didn,t make pretty plus sizes. I was laugh at and called names. I married the first guy that ask me for fear if I didn,t marry him he might be my last chances to marry because guys don,t like fat women.I started putting on more weight with each child.After four children my husband told me he didn,t love me anymore because I was too fat.He devorced me. I know the pain of rejection. I spent two weeks fighting for my life in ICU on life support.I now can look back and see everything I been through is now being turn around for good. When I get a e-mail from someone that is hurting. I can say I know how you feel I been their. I now can say their is hope. You don,t have to suffer any more.I am now going through a healing process. I don,t have to comfort myself with food anymore. I have been through some ruff things this past month. I found that the Lord can not only fix those things I am not able to do, but He can fixes things that we go through with loved one. I am learning to rest in Him. I was living a lie. Food never comfort me. It just robbed me of the goodness life has to offer, when you have your health.I have been so blessed by others in Amos. Some have ask me does Momma Angel get support back for all she does. I get back more. I love all of you. It doesn,t matter how we reach our dreams, we our on this journey together. The Miracle lady goes on.I will get weighed in Sept. when I see my doctor. The Lord said cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you.LORD BLESS July 31 I just can,t beleive how easy it is when you give your toy to the Lord. I am really enjoying my journey.I am happy to report I have had my first really big improvement in my health. Some of you knew some of you didn,t. I was on oxygen 24/7. I now no longer have to be on it during the day. I still do at night because I breath so light I don,t get enough oxygen.This to me is a big burden off me. I hated dragging my oxygen tank everywhere I went.I can walk alot longer without sitting down because of the pain and being so short winded.The Lord is doing such a wonderful work in me.One of my goals is to get healthy enough to help out with my grand daughter that is on life support. That is who Meggie is on my e-mail.The Lord not only is restoring my health he is doing a healing on the inside of me. I have really been through alot of pain in my family lately. It would have really made me run to food for comfort. He is teaching me how to face pain and trust Him to work everything out. I no longer stress out on food like before.I am learning not only to give Him my weight problem but to give him everything.I can,t wait till Sept. 16 when I go to my doctor. I will have a big surprize for him.The miracle lady goes on.I have been so blessed by the love I receive in this site. You guys our so awesome.Lord Bless March 20 It,s been a while since I last updated.I have had alot going on since last I updated.I was in the hospital a couple of times. Once for a lung infection and the other was for my heart.I was told I had to get back on oxygen.It was very discouraging. I have had alot of painful things going on in my family.One that my sister I was close too died. She was the last of my family.Its been hard dealing with her lose.I know she is happy and out of pain now.Its just so hard as she called me alot. Having the phone not ring like it did before really bring it home she gone. We were only 13 months to the day a part.Normaly I would run to my comfort food. I don,t know why we call it comfort food.I always felt worse after I stuffed my face.Even though I have been really going through some very painful things. I am seeing the Lord doing a work on the inside. For some reason we grow more during the hard times in our life.Maybe it because we draw closer to the Lord during those times.I am now facing things not stuffing them down with food.I do what I can and what I can,t I give it to the Lord to take care of.Like he said. Cast all your care upon Him because He care for you.He said He wouldn,t give us anymore then we can handle. What He is really saying is give them to me and leave them their.I am doing really well on my healthy life plan.Sounds better then diet.Some how when I hear diet its means fail.The last I was weighed in Aug. I had lost another twenty pounds bring the lose at 70 pounds.I don,t know now what it is because my home scales and doctors scales don,t go that high.I usually only get weighed when I am admitted to the hospital.Its a real trick for me to even stand with my feet together and having Fibromyailgia on those scales. Its for the best that I don,t know.I know that not being able to be more active the weight will come off slower. I don,t care as long as I am in forward motion.I have desided that after much prayer the Lord is leading me not to have surgery.I could get the co-pay if I chose to have it.I just feel the Lord has a reason for me to walk with him through my weight lose.Eight years ago I went on a healthy life plan . I lost 170 in only three months.I ate healthy no drugs to lose.I kept active all the time helping two churches.I was doing so well.I made the biggest mistake. My son ask me to come stay with him and his family on Mack Island. I love it there so I did.I didn,t have much money due to being on disablity.He ate a high carb high fat diet. Island food cost three times more so I had to eat what they had. I soon got into the carb trap again. I kept telling myself when I got home I will get back on my diet again.When I got home I started getting bad reports about my heart and I found out I had Fibromyailgia. I became very depressed. I didn,t even want to try anymore.I was thinking why kill yourself dieting when your body is shot.I call it stinken thinken.The next eight years I started gaining all the weight back.I tryed at different times to get going but felt I lost that one on one I had with the Lord that was behind the first lose.At first I thought about surgery But deep down inside I felt the Lord saying no.I realize That the Lord was showing me That He wants to help me understand and heal these mine sets and things that trigger me into failure when I tryed to diet.I see now that he has shown me how to eat healthy. Now he wants to heal inside so I won,t fall into these traps that pull me into poor choice foods.I am learning alot about myself I see these pattern of thinking that causes failure.I know now I can reach my goal as long as I stay focused on him. I know now how not to fall into these mine sets that would pull me into unhealthy eating.I really love healthy foods.I feel so much better when I keep carbs out of my diet I do allow one carb at dinner time. If I eat the one carb late it doesn,t trigger me into wrong choice foods. I have a new heart doctor I started with.The last time I was in the hospital to convert my heart . They desided to run a scope down my throat to make sure I had no blood clots in my heart before they shocked my heart back into normal beat.He told me that my heart is in good shape. I had no blockage of any kind which is very strong in my family on both sides. This is what caused my sisters death at 56. He said we don,t know why your heart gets out of beat but they have seen it alot in people with sleep disorders.I ask him I was told eight years ago I had conjestive heart failure.He said its not true.He said your heart beats strong and you have good blood flow in and out. I either got a healing from the Lord or someone goofed big time. I been made to beleive I could drop dead any time with my bad heart and weight.That was music to my ear and it reinforced my desire to do everything I can to restore my health.The miracle in the making goes on.My little Meggie will be three pretty soon. She has out lived the doctor report by two years now.She a little fighter like her grandma. Now I hope all you guys that were bugging me to update our happy. Profile put together by Sherri Garrett on 2/24/04 If you'd like your profile spruced up you can write to one of the fine HTML Volunteer's here at: [email protected] Photos Surgeon Info: Surgeon: Randal Baker, M.D. I was told he was a good surgeon by my doctor. That he is very careful to cut down the risks of any problems such as blood clots and infections. I was never able to meet him in person as he will take Medicare but you have to pay $2400. up front before he will start you through the things you have to do before surgery.I dont have this kind of money.The office said I would be refunded what Medicare pays but I could still be respondable for part of surgery bill that Medicare wouldnt pay.I checked around he was the only one who said he would except Medicare. Insurer Info: Medcare aid