Need some encouragement...

I'm having a rough day and need some encouraging words. The idea of having this surgery is the only thing that is keeping me going right now, and that might be jeopardy. I got my surgery date, July 12, but haven't been approved by the insurance company yet. As with most people, my insurance is through my job. I told my human resource contact about my surgery, including the type and how long I would be out of work. My supervisor also knows that I'm having some type of surgery but no details (he's young and attractive, and I'm not really ready to tell him yet). I explained to these two people that I would do everything I could to make the transition as easy as possible. I offered to work from home (my roommate works for the same company and agreed to bring work back and forth) and train a temporary employee and promised that I'd be back as soon as I had recovered. They seemed agreeable at the time, but ever since then I've noticed a change in their attitudes towards me. My supervisor doesn't joke around with me or use nicknames with me like he had before, and the HR person is very short and not very pleasant. I have a fear that I might be fired. I do enjoy my job, but I'm honestly not freaking out if they plan to let me go AFTER my surgery. As long as I've got insurance to get through the surgery, I'm happy, even I have to pay for follow up visits out of pocket. But, I'm fearful that I'm seen as too unstable or unreliable and that they plan to fire me BEFORE my surgery date. I'm also afraid that my insurance company will not approve the surgery and that I'll be stuck looking like a moron if my date has to be pushed back or canceled. Meanwhile I've got regular job stress to deal with, plus I'm moving on June 26th. I had a cruise scheduled for September, but I canceled it because my work wasn't too happy about me being out for a month with surgery, coming back for a month and then leaving again for a vacation. Although I think the cruise was well-deserved on my part, the surgery is more important. I have lots of issues with the vacation time at my work, but that's another story for another time. I guess overall I'm just feeling very underappreaciated and overwhelmed at my job. I feel like I've done so much for this company and worked hard, yet they are showing no sympathy towards me. They want nothing to do with disability, and I was told if I wanted it during the time I was out, I had to deal with it all myself. I understand that my being out is going to be a hardship for them, and I know they need to do what's best for the company. But, I need to do what's best for me! I've put myself last my entire life, and I can't do it anymore, not if I want to continue living. I need to give myself a better life, and that's what I'm trying to do. My weight holds me back in so many aspects of my life, especially at work. Not only am I the only fat one in my department, I'm one of two women, and the other one is gorgeous and in amazing shape. I frequently feel left out, and it's hard to know if it's because I'm female, because I'm fat or both. I'm so overcome with emotion, excited about moving and the surgery and having a whole new life but scared at the same time. I'm tired and confused and just feeling pretty blue. I think I just needed to vent to some people who'd know at least some of the pain I'm experiencing... and to tell me that I'm not going nuts! I literally JUST got a bit of good news. My surgeon's office called to tell me that all my paperwork (bloodwork, psych evaluation, etc.) is in and good and that she's sending it off to the insurance company tomorrow. I should have an answer by next week! Sue

Sue, your not nuts. Try not to be so hard on yourself. People may be reacting from fear, not because of you, they may just be scared for you. You will get a lot of mixed reactions to this surgery. I can honestly say that I would do it again in a heart beat. Don't get me wrong this isn't easy but wll worth it. Just remember keep your chin up........and you'll be ok.......and it's ok to vent, we all need to do it....take care and the best of luck to you, Simone.ps I had surgery on 032204, and am down 51 pds and feeling great. again best of luck to you.

Sue, I know how you are feeling.. I too feel so left out at work and it is hard not to think that its my weight that keeps them away. But my coworkers do not know about my plans yet. I have battled with the insurance company for months and finally this week was told that it has been approved.. I just do not have a letter from them of proof of that yet. I called my surgeons office but they wont set a date for surgery until they get the letter. I am going on vacation in August and do not want this to interfere with that. My 2 girls (6 and 3) have been talking about disney all month, ever since we bought the airplane tickets. We go every year, but this is the first time they are going on a plane. I cannot cancel this on them. My hope is to have this just after vacation or enough time before vacation so that I could recoupe - go to disney and them come back to work. The other problem is, I am very afraid of telling anyone at work. For the same reason as you described. I know that everyones reactions to this are different and I know that my supervisor is pretty cool and would want me to do what is best for me,but as you said, it is not just my supervisor that would have to know. I need to talk to HR to do the Short term leave paperwork. And my director, he would approve the leave and the temp that would have to come in. I think deep down that everyone will be ok with this and supportive, but I am afraid to find out if that is true. I also do not want to say anything until I know more specifics, the actual date of surgery and until I physically see the approval from the insurance company. Maybe your boss and HR just dont know how to act around you and you are reading too much into it. You have a lot going on right now, our emotions can get the best of us and we could jump to conclusions too quick. If you are truly concerned, and feel comfortable enough talking to your boss, then I suggest you break the ice, maybe he is scared or worried for you. I am not an expert, but I would think that if you have a disability and medical proof that short term disability is necessary, your company is not able to just fire you for that. Doesnt FMLA cover these types of problems? I hope everything goes well for you.. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the insurance approval is received soon. Cheri

My job environment is very different than yours but it sounds like you should have the schedule from the doctor before you broach the subject. Also, I think you'd better go on your vacation before you have surgery. I had lap RNY and was out of work for 3 weeks. Even if you had your surgery tomorrow, if your trip is the first week of August you would only have six weeks of potential recovery time, and while you'd probably be fine to be working again at 6 weeks, you would probably NOT be fine to be chasing small children in the 100 degree plus heat of Florida. Ask your doctor what he/she thinks. Having been through surgery now, I know I would not go to Disney at the height of summer at six weeks or less post-op. Best of luck Jen

Boy!! Life seems to be kicking your butt! So kick back! Don't let it get to you.Things will somehow work out!!Your in my prayers. wish u luck--sharon

I'm having a much better day today, and I think reading your posts has helped a lot. It's good to know that the way I'm feeling is normal, and it is good to know that many of you have been through this and are doing well. I wish all of you the best of luck and continuing success. I'll keep you all updated!