New to NJ board
Just wanted to say hello. I just now saw the NJ forum part of the site... wow huh? :)
Seems like this is a much smaller group of people with support and I think thats awesome. Is there anyone in the section that had a band over bypass revision? I just had this done on May 23rd and am down much more weight than I expected with just the original band an no fill yet.
I had surgery at Valley Hospital with Dr Melissa Bagloo, totally amazing surgen and would recomend her or Dr Strobe instantly... plus have a soft spot for Valley Hospital as well LOL.
Hope to make some new support friends, it seems since I signed on this site it has been nothing but positive vibes that no one who has not had WLS can understand.
Sorry if I'm coming across as majorly sappy... having a rough time with my friends and they adjusting to my new outlook on life.. has anyone else had this problem??
Hope to hear from anyone... and keep up the success stories... gives me hope I'm going to make it this time around.
Nikki
Good luck!
Stella
Its amazing how before the surgery everyone is all gung ho to seeing you acheieve success... but then when ya start to change your life for the good, they want the "old you" back. I keep saying its still me, but I'm just going to be a healthier version.... oh well huh? One day at a time for everyone!
Good luck to you to! How long has you been post op?
Nikki
The unfortunate truth is that people relate to us in a certain way, and their dependence on things always being the same brings them a measure of security and comfort. When the dynamic changes, it causes a shakeup; they can't count on you to do the same old dance with them anymore and that throws them for a loop.
When I was fat and insecure I endured a lot of disrespect. Partly because I thought I deserved it and partly because I thought if I alienated people nobody would love me. I was made to feel that I should be grateful for whatever crumbs I was thrown by all these "special" people. My low self-esteem made me vulnerable and easy to push around.
When I started to assert myself (and always in the nicest, most gentle, most sensitive way I could possibly do it) there was a shift in my relationships. Some for the better, others not so much. But I saw that certain people didn't have my best interests at heart, and they didn't want to be called to account for that.
I hear a lot of post ops say their friends complain that they lost weight and became a ***** or whatever. Cracks appear in unhealthy relationships when you no longer feel the need to give people a pass for their bad behavior.
I personally would rather have a few good friends *****ally love and support me, than a lot of toxic ones. When people mistreat you it says a lot more about them than it does about you!
It is a period of adjustment and re-evaluation, and it takes a lot of patience with yourself and others to work through it. But its worth it, so hang in there!
Hi All,
I am a new member as well. I have been looking at this site for years but just joined yesterday. I will be getting a Band over bypass on 10/11. I am looking forward to it and glad to see someone else has had it as well!
I am sorry to hear that you have had issues with your friends as your journey has progressed. I know that I have been extremely lucky in that my BFF has been great (but we do only get to see eachother a few times a year) and my husband has been amazing with it all over the years. I have to admit thought that I was never insecure or withdrawn. The only real change is that I am much more physically active.
Anyway, I too hope to develop a more formalized support system from people who have been through much of the same things I am going through.
Kim
Nikki & Kacs85,
Welcome to our every increasing, always decreasing family. There are great people on this forum. Know we’re here to help in any way we can.
Nikki - in regards to your issue with friends adjusting to your new outlook, this is very common. Friends, and sadly sometimes family, cannot truly relate what we go through. Whenever someone says something “demeaning" about my decision, instead of getting defensive, I take pity on them because they are “ignorant" to what I have gone through. They say they can sympathize with our plight, but honestly unless you’ve been in our pants (mine was a size 64) you can never truly understand our feelings or WHY we are choosing to alter our bodies in order to lose weight. I’ve also realized, many folks are truly concerning about our decision, but the way they express it can be off putting.
There are those groups of people who are afraid, not so much for US but THEM. They are afraid if we lose all this weight, our feeling towards them will change. I’ve seen this occur with spouses, friends and other family members. And truth be known, sometimes our feeling DO change. We become more EMPOWERED with ourselves, and we then begin to stand up for ourselves. When I was super morbidly obese I know I tended to accept more “abuse" (intentional and unintentional) because I felt I needed to be the stereotypical “fat jolly" man, and also I was afraid that if I spoke up I would lose that person’s relationship. Now I’ve realized that was wrong, and I need to set boundaries.
There is that group of people who associate us with FOOD and/or drink. They are afraid once we have the operation they will lose our friendship because we will lose that common bond. Little do they know, once we learn “how to live" properly with our tool we can still go out and enjoy ourselves, but on a smaller (HEALTHIER) scale.
Then there are those who are truly ignorant, and for those folks I just shake my head because no matter what you say or do they won’t accept it. That’s when you need to stop and ask yourself, if that person is truly worth it? My feeling, if you cannot accept my decision; help me on my journey, and give me encouragement to achieve my goal, then why do I need to bother. That’s when I lose the biggest about of weight – DEAD WEIGHT!!
GOOD LUCK!!
Tom
“Nothing I will ever eat will give me the feeling I get as when I lose weight” The views expressed are based on my own experiences - and should NOT BE FOLLOWED IN LIEU OF DOCTOR’S ADVICE/INSTRUCTIONS. Only your Doctor knows your condition, and make sure you talk to them before making any changes to your diet
Stella- congrats on such a amazing loss! I can only hope for the same!
In regards to the friends/family stuff.... My story is quite unique from what I learned in the WLS support group I went to pre-op. I was one of the guys and those guys were the jocks.. so my only issue with any type of teasing was from other girls jealous that I was so close with these guys and didn't have to degrade myself or sleep around. I was protected and no one messed with me. AHH the good ol glory days lol I will never forget on our senior trip to Disney, I tried to go on my first ever roller coaster, and I couldn't fit. Talk about embarrassing!!! I was mortified because the captain of the FB team wanted to sit with me. Instead of ridicule, he grabbed my hand and spoke quietly to the tech asking which row had the bigger seats... and did that all day on every ride. But now we are all in our 30s.. trying to be grownups lol My protection is gone due to people getting married babies jobs etc. so I am finding out more about myself and others because of the choice I made for ME. I am putting myself first for the first time in my life and like you guys have said, its like I am being punished due to people being afraid of the un known. I don't really know the point of this post and where I am going with it but it feels good to put in out there in words for the world to see...
Thanks again to you all... it gives me hope that I have a good shot at this and coming out on top FINALLY! :)
Nikki
on 10/15/11 3:55 am - East Windsor, NJ
How are you? I too have noticed a few issues with friends after surgery. I guess it comes with it. Eventually you can only hope they get over it and cheer you on!
I had my surgery in September so I'm really new at this :).
Hope to chat soon.
