Passing of a Bariatric Sibling - and my cousin.

This past weekend I found out my cousin passed away. She was one of the first people I knew who had Bariatric surgery – over 10 years ago. My cousin did not pass because of a direct complication from her surgery, but an indirect complication which is rarely mentioned – TRANSFER ADDICTION.

 

My cousin and I were very close. We're the same age. Growing up we were Batman and Robin – and we would always refer to each other as this.

 

After her surgery, my cousin lost a lot of weight, looked great, and began to “show off" her new self. She would occasionally go to a bar, and guys would come up to her and buy her a drink. Being polite, she would take the drink, do a little chit-chat and eventually thank the person and tell them she wasn’t interested since she was married.

 

Well I guess after awhile, she began to love the attention she got. It seemed she would go “out with the gals" more and more. The more bars she frequented, the more alcohol she would consume, as she soaked up the attention. Eventually she got so addicted to the alcohol and the flirtation that it affected her business; friends; relatives; and her immediate family. About 5 years ago there was a major family falling out, and she became distant with everyone. She even left her youngest children with their Dad, and went off to “find herself".  

 

When I had my surgery the first person I wanted to share it with was my cousin, but couldn’t. This fact always sadden me, but I learned to accept it.

 

About a month ago I heard my cousin was very sick with Cirrhosis, and it didn’t look good. Her ex-Husband had taken her back in (from what I hear she was basically destitute), but she was still feisty as ever. I eventually got a phone number and called her. The very first thing I said after she said hello was “Are you ready to play Batman and Robin?" She immediately knew who it was. She was cold, but we had a good talk.

 

A weeks later I went to see her, and did not recognized her. If she never opened her mouth and spoke I would not know it was her. She was down to about 100 pounds, and looked like she was 80. The visit was genial, but strained. It was nice to see all her kids surrounded her, and she was cooking up a storm. But by the end she was tired, and had to lie down. I gave her a kiss goodbye, and told her I’d call soon.

 

I called her last week, but she never returned the call. I found out she was in the hospital, but no other information was given. I figured if she wanted me to be there she would have returned my call.

 

On Saturday I found out she passed. I got the news through a mutual friend. The family is trying to figure out funeral arrangements. The only thing I know it will be a closed casket.

 

I am not writing this for sympathy, but to alert many that TRANSFER addictions is quite prevalent after bariatric surgery. Be it alcohol; sex; gambling; shopping; etc – many trade in their food addiction for another. Some even combine addictions (like my cousin did). My cousin lost all the weight to prolong her life, and in the end her life was shorten because she turned to another vice. She was just 47.

 

Learn from my Cousin’s mistake, and please seek help along the way of your journey. I want to see you around for a very long time.

 Tom,

I am very sorry to hear about your loss.  

Hang in there, my thoughts are with you.

Geoff

Sorry for your loss. My prayers will be with your family

 Thinking of you Tom.  You'll always find strength and comfort from your family and friends who will keep you in their thoughts and prayers.  It's a shame about her transfer addiction...my heart goes out to her and her family. Here's hoping you can find peace in your great memories of her.  

I didn't see you mention...were you Batman? Or Robin?  heheehehe
Laugh thru the tears, and you'll be okay!   

Hugs...Nance

I'm so sorry for your loss Tommy...I wish you would have told me when we spoke today

As you know, I myself struggled with this my first year out, it's very easy when we can't eat our feelings away to numb with something else.  Thankfully I found a wonderful therapist who helped me.  I urge everyone who struggles with needing to numb to find someone to help them cope with these feelings, it truly does make the difference between life and death.

I'm here anytime you need me my friend.

Tom, I am truly sorry for your loss....  Thanks for posting this.....   We seldom talk about it to this extent, but it really pays to be aware of our changed behaviors....  and to watch out for them.  Sorry and hugs!   Mary C

My deepest sympathies and condolences.  You are absolutely right about needing to be aware of transfer additions.  I'm sorry for your loss.  Thank you for sharing. 

Tom,

So sorry to hear about your loss, you are absolutely correct about transfer addictions.. They are real, and do kill.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Stella

PS. can you please e-mail me, I have someone who I would love for you to speak to... [email protected]

Tom
Often the pain that we hold onto while we are obese, hangs on and needs to be numbed.  SO sorry about your loss.  I hope she is finally released from her pain
Barbara