Dating Post WLS- When did you mention it?
I'm cross posting this with the DS board, because I don't think there's alot of NJites *****ad the DS board! Thanks in advance!
I've rejoined the dating world. and am getting out there... and would like to ask when is it appropriate to mention Oh, by the way, I've lost 260 pounds.... I realize the information will be evident by the first 'sleepover', when rolls and rolls of extra skin are unfolded.... BUT, since I'm older and more discriminating, that may take a while. (or not LOL)
I had seen someone a few times, nothing special, and we were talking about health care/issues, and I mentioned I had surgery, and spoke about costs, etc. He asked why I needed surgery and I told him... he was really weirded out by it, and just couldn't get over I had lost that much weight. I wasn't crazy about him before that, and I definitely lost interest after this reaction.
How soon/late have other people broached this subject, and was this guys reaction typical? I'm curious. I'm really open about my life, and can't imagine ever trying to hide this, but, maybe, I could be better at timing!
This weekends guy was a bright spot.... we went to the Met to the Picasso exhibit and then wandered thru Central Park and ended up at the Zoo (my request). My fascination with medieval swords and Polar Bears (not together) didn't seen to send him running. What will the rest of the year bring????
Hoping to hear how other 'daters' have handled this, Thanks, Mary
I've rejoined the dating world. and am getting out there... and would like to ask when is it appropriate to mention Oh, by the way, I've lost 260 pounds.... I realize the information will be evident by the first 'sleepover', when rolls and rolls of extra skin are unfolded.... BUT, since I'm older and more discriminating, that may take a while. (or not LOL)
I had seen someone a few times, nothing special, and we were talking about health care/issues, and I mentioned I had surgery, and spoke about costs, etc. He asked why I needed surgery and I told him... he was really weirded out by it, and just couldn't get over I had lost that much weight. I wasn't crazy about him before that, and I definitely lost interest after this reaction.
How soon/late have other people broached this subject, and was this guys reaction typical? I'm curious. I'm really open about my life, and can't imagine ever trying to hide this, but, maybe, I could be better at timing!
This weekends guy was a bright spot.... we went to the Met to the Picasso exhibit and then wandered thru Central Park and ended up at the Zoo (my request). My fascination with medieval swords and Polar Bears (not together) didn't seen to send him running. What will the rest of the year bring????
Hoping to hear how other 'daters' have handled this, Thanks, Mary
DS Part 1 (VSG) 11/14/06 DS Part 2 12/18/07
HW 430 SW 400 CW 210 GW 170 Blog: lifeisgood-mc.blogspot.com
Glad your date was a good one!!! If you feel this is going somewhere with a guy, I would tell him right away....I always did that when I met someone years ago....I'd lay it all out on the table before the first date even, I can't have anymore kids, do you have your own teeth, I don't need a father for my kids they have one, I won't be your sugar Momma.....if they lasted thru my 20 min speech, then we moved forward...I was to old to play games! If they didn't like my statements, I didn't have time for them! JMO....have fun!!!
Kimi
Everything happens for a reason..Just believe...
Congrats on getting your 'feet' wet again! My husband of 28 years died in early 2004, when I was just shy of a year post op WLS -- I jumped back into the dating pool (via internet) for companionship, not relationships about seven months later. By then, I had lost 180 pounds, and had already scheduled my lower body lift, but had not had any PS yet. (You can check out my profile for details.)
I "dated" a total of seven different guys, many at the same time (not ready for sleepovers) -- got at least three dates out of each of them before eithert they or I moved on. Well, number four was a 'match' thru eharmony. We talked several times, before we arranged for our first face-to-face meeting - I never mentioned WLS. Although the date went fine, and I was definately physically attracted to him, he made several 'weight-related comments' that I found irritating! Things like -- "internet dating -- girls send you a pretty picture of themself, then they show up and have a fat ass!" --
In any case, about a week later, he called for a 2nd date - and because I was free, decided to go and 'put my cards on the table' -- When he proceeded to tell me that he had enjoyed our first date, I told him that he had pissed me off.... He was totally shocked and wanted to know why -- he had been a gentleman! I told him that I may not look it now, but I recently had lost a significant amount of weight, and his negative weight comments had turned me off. I told him I had the same head and heart now as I did when I was fat, etc. He was curious, and we then talked about fat phobias, fat assumptions, and fat misconceptions.... After some back and forth, he asked how much I had lost, and I simply said '' in excess of 100 pounds.' I then brought up the excess skin issue and told him about my scheduled lower body lift - but that it was something I was doing for myself and nobody else!
He asked questions and was curious. He was honest enough to say that he had never been attracted to a fat woman, and probably never would be. I was impressed enough with the types of questions he asked, and the way he listened to my answers. However, I did NOT get on a soapbox, but answered simply.....
In any case, a few drinks later, the dinner had ended and we were leaving. We got into my car, since it was parked closer, and some heavy kissing started. He asked if I would follow him to his house and I said I would. We went to his place, and I proceeded to 'f--k his brains out.' I think part of me just wanted to show him what this fat girl was made of......Afterwards, I asked him if the skin bothered him -- he answered truthfully - that yes it did, but he was glad I was doing something about it for myself. I responded that I was a "work in progress" and well worth the wait!
That was in November 2004, we got married in June 2006 and just celebrated our 4th anniversary....Now, I have gained about 60 pounds -- again he is honest enough to say he hopes I am successful in taking them off, and doesn't gain any more -- however, he also goes on to say that he loves me - head, heart and all!
Just to prove that a man with weight phobias can be educated......
Good luck
Hugs,
Nannette
I "dated" a total of seven different guys, many at the same time (not ready for sleepovers) -- got at least three dates out of each of them before eithert they or I moved on. Well, number four was a 'match' thru eharmony. We talked several times, before we arranged for our first face-to-face meeting - I never mentioned WLS. Although the date went fine, and I was definately physically attracted to him, he made several 'weight-related comments' that I found irritating! Things like -- "internet dating -- girls send you a pretty picture of themself, then they show up and have a fat ass!" --
In any case, about a week later, he called for a 2nd date - and because I was free, decided to go and 'put my cards on the table' -- When he proceeded to tell me that he had enjoyed our first date, I told him that he had pissed me off.... He was totally shocked and wanted to know why -- he had been a gentleman! I told him that I may not look it now, but I recently had lost a significant amount of weight, and his negative weight comments had turned me off. I told him I had the same head and heart now as I did when I was fat, etc. He was curious, and we then talked about fat phobias, fat assumptions, and fat misconceptions.... After some back and forth, he asked how much I had lost, and I simply said '' in excess of 100 pounds.' I then brought up the excess skin issue and told him about my scheduled lower body lift - but that it was something I was doing for myself and nobody else!
He asked questions and was curious. He was honest enough to say that he had never been attracted to a fat woman, and probably never would be. I was impressed enough with the types of questions he asked, and the way he listened to my answers. However, I did NOT get on a soapbox, but answered simply.....
In any case, a few drinks later, the dinner had ended and we were leaving. We got into my car, since it was parked closer, and some heavy kissing started. He asked if I would follow him to his house and I said I would. We went to his place, and I proceeded to 'f--k his brains out.' I think part of me just wanted to show him what this fat girl was made of......Afterwards, I asked him if the skin bothered him -- he answered truthfully - that yes it did, but he was glad I was doing something about it for myself. I responded that I was a "work in progress" and well worth the wait!
That was in November 2004, we got married in June 2006 and just celebrated our 4th anniversary....Now, I have gained about 60 pounds -- again he is honest enough to say he hopes I am successful in taking them off, and doesn't gain any more -- however, he also goes on to say that he loves me - head, heart and all!
Just to prove that a man with weight phobias can be educated......
Good luck
Hugs,
Nannette
Nannette
Lap RNY 6/16/03
Revise to DS 8/15/11
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