Where do I begin????
I know that I just posted about my 1 Year Surgiversary, and yes everything is good as far as that goes. I admit if i didn't have the surgery I would probably be 400 Lbs by now,
Where do I Begin? Well here goes, the reason why I say I would probably be 400LBS by now is because food was my stress releaver, which am sure a lot of you know about. This is going to be a long story, but if anyone out there is willing to here my cry, please read on!!!! I really need some advise.
You see about 25 years ago I married the wrong man, because of a low self-esteem problem. Anyway, we had 4 children together, he was a jailbird, and I was a battered wife. I finally got away from him 16 years ago and divorced him. I raised my 4 children by myself, I was not brought up to hit my children, and I didn't have the heart too. I tried punishing them but they just wouldn't listen to me they have no respect for me. It doesn't matter what I do for them, they are so ungreatful.
My oldest daughter does live on her own, she never really gave me to much trouble, she did make the mistake of having kids young so she always needs me to help her. My second daughter is so hard headed like her father, that she drove me crazy, she is always getting in trouble with the the law, that last year I had to get custody of her 5 year old son. My son has been getting locked up since he is 13, and now is 19 and is locked up again. My youngest daughter is 16, and she is driving me crazy too. They have no respect for me.
Well anyway, while I was raising them, I actually got my life together, and worked, and went to school full-time. I am an Office Manager for a big company now. I have definitely come a long way. My second daughter is finding her way back to my house , everytime I turn around, and she won't respect my rules, and I don't want to call the cops. I can't help it, but I hate this big heart of mine. My son is about to come out of jail, and he is probably going to come back home again, I defintely don't want him there because he is always up to no good. They don't work, and and I can't afford to take care of them. I have my grandson there, and am trying to give him a better life. I really didn't want to get custody of him, because I didn't want to raise anymore children, having his mother there gives me free time a lot because she does stay with him most of the time, but I can't take her ****!!! Excuse me for cursing. My youngest daughter is goiing in the same path as my middle two children, and I want to find some king of group home for girls for her. I can't live like this anymore!!!! I don't need such a big apartment anymore, but I do love my apartment, and don't want to move just to get a way from them. I was thinking of just packing my stuff, and my grandson's stuff, and just taking off somewhere, what do I do!!!! Thanks for reading, if you respond!!!!
Where do I Begin? Well here goes, the reason why I say I would probably be 400LBS by now is because food was my stress releaver, which am sure a lot of you know about. This is going to be a long story, but if anyone out there is willing to here my cry, please read on!!!! I really need some advise.
You see about 25 years ago I married the wrong man, because of a low self-esteem problem. Anyway, we had 4 children together, he was a jailbird, and I was a battered wife. I finally got away from him 16 years ago and divorced him. I raised my 4 children by myself, I was not brought up to hit my children, and I didn't have the heart too. I tried punishing them but they just wouldn't listen to me they have no respect for me. It doesn't matter what I do for them, they are so ungreatful.
My oldest daughter does live on her own, she never really gave me to much trouble, she did make the mistake of having kids young so she always needs me to help her. My second daughter is so hard headed like her father, that she drove me crazy, she is always getting in trouble with the the law, that last year I had to get custody of her 5 year old son. My son has been getting locked up since he is 13, and now is 19 and is locked up again. My youngest daughter is 16, and she is driving me crazy too. They have no respect for me.
Well anyway, while I was raising them, I actually got my life together, and worked, and went to school full-time. I am an Office Manager for a big company now. I have definitely come a long way. My second daughter is finding her way back to my house , everytime I turn around, and she won't respect my rules, and I don't want to call the cops. I can't help it, but I hate this big heart of mine. My son is about to come out of jail, and he is probably going to come back home again, I defintely don't want him there because he is always up to no good. They don't work, and and I can't afford to take care of them. I have my grandson there, and am trying to give him a better life. I really didn't want to get custody of him, because I didn't want to raise anymore children, having his mother there gives me free time a lot because she does stay with him most of the time, but I can't take her ****!!! Excuse me for cursing. My youngest daughter is goiing in the same path as my middle two children, and I want to find some king of group home for girls for her. I can't live like this anymore!!!! I don't need such a big apartment anymore, but I do love my apartment, and don't want to move just to get a way from them. I was thinking of just packing my stuff, and my grandson's stuff, and just taking off somewhere, what do I do!!!! Thanks for reading, if you respond!!!!
Melissa C
Melissa,
I often read your blogs and my heart goes out to you. I raised six kids alone as well, I too had some tough times with my children thank God none of them ever were arrested but I had some really tough times where I just wanted to run as well. After they were all grown and gone, my son tried to come home and I thought some tough love would make him responsible and make him grow up unfortunately it back fired on me and I lost him two years ago this past January. He weighed about 400 lbs. had high blood pressure and diabetes ended up in the hospital with a respiratory infection and ided of sepsis. He was acutally scheduled for gastric bypass that November prior but because of his irresponsible ways he did not complete his testings. So be careful for what you ask for because you might get it. You need some serious counseling I suggest you run don't walk. If you need to talk e-mail me your number. You need to change your locks and kick them all out.
I often read your blogs and my heart goes out to you. I raised six kids alone as well, I too had some tough times with my children thank God none of them ever were arrested but I had some really tough times where I just wanted to run as well. After they were all grown and gone, my son tried to come home and I thought some tough love would make him responsible and make him grow up unfortunately it back fired on me and I lost him two years ago this past January. He weighed about 400 lbs. had high blood pressure and diabetes ended up in the hospital with a respiratory infection and ided of sepsis. He was acutally scheduled for gastric bypass that November prior but because of his irresponsible ways he did not complete his testings. So be careful for what you ask for because you might get it. You need some serious counseling I suggest you run don't walk. If you need to talk e-mail me your number. You need to change your locks and kick them all out.
Hi,
Thank you so much, for your advise. I am so sorry about your son. I love my children, but enough is enough. I decided am going to move where they would n't want to come too, and leave all there friends, plus the place would be much smaller so there wouldn't be any room for them, plus it will be cheaper for me. I don't need such a big place anyway. Just me and my Grandson.
Thank you so much, for your advise. I am so sorry about your son. I love my children, but enough is enough. I decided am going to move where they would n't want to come too, and leave all there friends, plus the place would be much smaller so there wouldn't be any room for them, plus it will be cheaper for me. I don't need such a big place anyway. Just me and my Grandson.
Melissa C
Melissa,Hugs to you to start.I agree therapy is a good idea even if it's just to give you the strength to say "NO" to your kids.You need to be strong & put your foot down if you ever wanna gain some respect from your kids.Don't let 'em come home let 'em figure out how they'll live on their own.Why should they be responsible adults when "mommy" will always deal with it & bail them out.Asfor your youngest I'd take away all of her luxury items(cell phone ipod etc)Give her only what you need to food shelter & just enough clothing to get by.My boss has a 16 year old who I'd strangle if she were mine.This kids swears at them is rude,disrespectfull & lazy.SHe won't get a job so she is forced to work at the salon 2 days a week Let me tell you she gets paid for doing just about nothing,so why go get a real job?If I ever spoke to my mom the way she speaks to hers I'd have no teeth left.This seems to be the trend with teens today.You don't need to hit to punish & taking away life's little pleasures is a good place to start I think.Good luck
MeLinda
Goal is 165 or thigh high boots whichever comes first
Thank you Melinda!!!
I am already in the process of having my one daughter move out, and my son already knows he can't come back I have made it clear. My youngest can't get anything from me anymore!!!! I am going to find a smaller place for me and my Grandson, it will take sometime, but as soon as I do, am gone.
I am already in the process of having my one daughter move out, and my son already knows he can't come back I have made it clear. My youngest can't get anything from me anymore!!!! I am going to find a smaller place for me and my Grandson, it will take sometime, but as soon as I do, am gone.
Melissa C
Sorry to hear of the rough time you have had with your kids. Sometimes we wonder where they came from when they behave so differently than us. You have done your job as a mom when they were young. They are now responsible for themselves and the more we help them, the more we enable them. A big loving heart can get us into trouble sometimes and we have to learn the word NO. It is a small word with a lot of meaning. It seems like you have told them NO, but are sometimes still too involved. They have to learn for themselves there are consequences to their actions and you aren't going to be the one to help them through it anymore. Moving to a smaller place is a start, but you have to stick to your words when you tell them you aren't doing for them anymore. My 16 year son has really given me a run for my money and I have already told him that at 18 my responsibility for him ends and if wants to continue to live with me past then, he better start working on his attitude. I reassured him that I love him and would go to the ends of the earth for him, but only if he respects me and gives back. He didn't believe me at first and then one time we had a serious talk and I really made him understand. He has made great changes lately and I think once he saw I was serious, he decided it was best for him to do so. It is a good idea maybe to get some counseling on how to handle situations like these. I wouldn't know personally how to handle each and every situation, but maybe a professional can help you to and in a manner which your children will understand. It sounds like you really don't want to move though. I would stay in my apartment and tell my kids they aren't welcome until they can behave the way I approve. If they don't want to, thats fine - you are not welcomed then. Tell them no one is permitted to move back home and there are no exceptions. Once you tell them, stick to it. Not even for one night. If they just show up, you tell them - no you are not staying - and you have to mean it. It will be hard and they may resist but you have to stick to it. You gave up so much already which we all do, but this is your time now and they have to grow up. Maybe if they are 100% responsible for themselves they will grow up and do the right things. If not, then it is all their fault and you are not to blame. You are really between a rock and a hard place - being a mom and loving your children but also having to be a "bad" guy and rejecting their behavior. I really wish you well and hope things change for you. You sound like you have already been through enough. Try to make them understand that, that you just can't do it anymore. Again, maybe seek professional help to help guide you thru this. Good luck!
Hi,
It seems like you have had a really hard time.
Maybe counseling is in order.
After all, your daughter is only 16 and you are still legally responsible for her till she is 18.
Moving really won't solve anything for you- hell- especially if you really like where you are as you say...moving is a huge stress and you may not be as happy in the new place...
You are right to figure out how to best take care of yourself- but you still have two others you have to consider...your grandson and your 16 year old....& since you allow his mother in your home for now- a 3rd person....Regarding her- you have to set limits and keep them.
If she doesn't follow rules- kick her out and change the locks.
I learned a good phrase a few years back..."I would love to..BUT..."
It give you time to acknowledge you would like to help but then gracefully back out instead of automatically saying yes.
Regarding the oldest who supposedly NEEDS your help.....She was old enough to have kids, old enough to be on her own- she is old enough to take care of her own kids. Don't let yourself fall into the trap again and again...Stop helping unless it is a sudden, real emergency....I hope you know what I mean. Start limiting how much and why you help. If you don't, you are enabling her to take advantage of you.
You have shown such tuffness here and how hard you worked to get where you are....weight wise and emotional wise...
you just have to keep persevering!!!!
Hang in there!!!
Bernadette
Hang in there!!!!!
It seems like you have had a really hard time.
Maybe counseling is in order.
After all, your daughter is only 16 and you are still legally responsible for her till she is 18.
Moving really won't solve anything for you- hell- especially if you really like where you are as you say...moving is a huge stress and you may not be as happy in the new place...
You are right to figure out how to best take care of yourself- but you still have two others you have to consider...your grandson and your 16 year old....& since you allow his mother in your home for now- a 3rd person....Regarding her- you have to set limits and keep them.
If she doesn't follow rules- kick her out and change the locks.
I learned a good phrase a few years back..."I would love to..BUT..."
It give you time to acknowledge you would like to help but then gracefully back out instead of automatically saying yes.
Regarding the oldest who supposedly NEEDS your help.....She was old enough to have kids, old enough to be on her own- she is old enough to take care of her own kids. Don't let yourself fall into the trap again and again...Stop helping unless it is a sudden, real emergency....I hope you know what I mean. Start limiting how much and why you help. If you don't, you are enabling her to take advantage of you.
You have shown such tuffness here and how hard you worked to get where you are....weight wise and emotional wise...
you just have to keep persevering!!!!
Hang in there!!!
Bernadette
Hang in there!!!!!
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