I am so confused????

Hi Everyone, I am sharing this because I want too see what advise everyone gives me.  I am a very indecisive person, and I can't make up my mind.  So here goes,  I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now.  We have been through a lot together.  He is my very best firend, I never had anyone in my lfe that makes me laugh, and I enjoy being with him,  he was with me when I had my surgery, and did not leave my side,  but I want  for him to move in with me, and help me like a real husband should.  I am struggling financially by myself.  I don't want him his money, but I have been struggling for many years, I raised four children by myself, because my ex-husband was a bum!!!  I am very independant, and I do have a good job, but the economy sucks!!!!  He loves being with me also, but he had a bad marraige in the past, so he is afraid to totally commit himself to me.  He likes the way things are.  I let him know that I want to move on, but he won't let me go.  I just don't know what to do!!!!  Any Advise????

Melissa  You can’t WANT someone to want the same things you do - they need to want it themselves. Pressuring a person won’t work either. What eventually will happen is that they grow to resent the situation they are in, and they may eventually leave.

You need to do a lot of soul searching, and truly ask yourself will you (and he) be better off if you both move on. While you’re searching remember this motto “If something doesn’t seem right, then it’s not right”. But before you do anything rash, really sit down and talk to him about this. Maybe you both can come up with a viable solution.

I hope the best for both. Who ever said relationships were easy???

Hi, Thank you for the advise, I guess I really have some thinking to do.

Here's the line that jumped out at me: "but I want  for him to move in with me, and help me like a real husband should." He's NOT your husband from what you have said, so you can't expect him to BE your husband. If he's not ready, willing and/or able to make a deeper commitment to you, then you need to accept that and decide what YOU want.  If you can't accept things the way they are, then you are the one that needs to make the decision to move on. I hope you get things worked out, but it's not your boyfriend's job to "bail you out" financially. As for him "letting you go, " if that's what you want, he's not going to have much of a choice in the matter, is he? I'm sorry if this may sound harsh.  I am a very independent woman. ~wendy

Hi Melissa, I wish you well.  You are in a tough situation wanting something from someone who is not willing to give now or maybe not forever.  Forcing him into it can cause a serious consequence to your relationship and not making a change can too.  Instead of trying to talk him into it, you need to re-evaluate your life and what you want out of it.  If it is a full time husband and a constant companion, then maybe moving on does not include him.  Love is wonderful, but it can't be one sided.  You both have to want the same things.  Not that they have to be in the same time, maybe he would be ready for that a year or two, but are you willing to wait that long.  So the decision making of whether you guys move forward into a more permanent situation really isn't up to him.  It is up to you - but you can only decide for yourself.  You are obviously a strong person and have come a long way on your own and it would be nice to have the constant companion, but he is unwilling or can't at this point.  So think about what you want out of life and how long you are willing to wait for it.  Hopefully, it includes him but you can't put your wants and dreams on hold forever.  Just figure out what they are.  Good luck and I hope it works out anyway you decide

Melissa, It's kinda funny I'm reading this post today.  You want this boyfriend to move in and "help me like a real husband should".  Um, what idea do you have?  It's supposedly Mother's Day and I've been working my a$$ off in the house like every other day.  I'll be married 13 years in October.  I wish *I* knew what a *real* husband is supposed to do. This boyfriend enjoys being taken care of but doesn't want the full responsibility.  I agree with the others.  You've already mentioned that you want to move on.  Seems to me you've been thinking about it for a while.  My best friend just left her "bf" of 11 years.  The bum's an alcoholic, treats her teens like crap and JUST realized he can't live without her.  Yup, he can't live with his housekeeper, cook, maid, etc., etc. of 11 years.  Honestly, I think we women need to get more independent.  I'm a stay-home mom and am starting a new business because I'm SICK of practically begging my husband for money.  You need to do what's best for YOU not you and him.  The economy sucks for all of us unfortuantely.  We just got our goofy rebate and I'll be lucky to get a dime of it. Think of yourself first Melissa.  Can ya tell I'm man hating today? :haha:

Thanks everyone for your great advise.  My boyfriend and I had a long talk.  He does want what I want.  You see his father died a couple of months ago, and he living with his mom, trying to help her clean out her house, she is looking for a house in Georgia, where all of her family is.  He wants to help his Mom sell the house, and once she does, he is going to find a nice place for me, and him.   My family really likes him, and they said I should be patient, because he is a good person.  So I decided to be patient, because I love him, and I know he does love me very much.  I have to believe that good things come to those that wait. 

Melissa...how bout an update???  How are things going???

Hi,

Well we broke up again, he is not a bad person, I  just realized that he doesn't want the same things as I do.  I am okay with it,  I needed to move on.

Well good luck to you!!!.. I see you are in Keansburg...my g/f and I go to a club down there alot.  Tiki Stadium? Big Orange Cone and Pump City play down there actually I think one of them is there tonight.....small world!